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Original poster

Do I match this inheritance for DC2?

84 replies

LeftLegRightLeg · 23/05/2024 20:34

My lovely great auntie recently died. Her husband died years ago and she didn't have children. My dad (her nephew) has always been close to her and is executor. The estate isn't large, just the flat she owned. Just for background.

I have two children, 13 and 6, and my sister has an 8 yr old. She adored the children, and was particularly close to mine as we live nearby. When my DC1 was 2-3, my dad told me aunt had updated her will to reflect a few changes, and had included a fixed amount (12k) to be left to my DC. I thought was a lovely gesture at the time, but certainly didn't expect or count on it and thought no more of it until now. Obviously I didn't/haven't told DC1.

She doted on my DC2 as much as she did DC1. But, now I know that she never updated her will, so DC1 is the only one of the great grand (?!) nephews and nieces named. Of course it is none of my business how she spends or leaves her money, but I do believe she would have recognised DC2 and probably sister's DC too if they had existed at the time.

My question now is, do I match the amount to put away for DC2? DC do have savings in their name, but not yet this much. We also have savings mostly with DC in mind - not vast fortunes by mm standards, but enough to do this fairly easily. I've wondered if it would look like we are prioritising DC2 with our own savings? Or disagreeing with DAunt's wishes? And then I feel guilty for DN too, I'm confident my sister won't be able to do the same for them (and I don't think sister even knows about the will), and in financial terms our family (and therefore our DC) are more privileged in the first place.

Gahhh. I'm just trying to think about what is fair here. With a decent age gap between DC I'm usually pretty laid back about who gets what, it's more who needs what at the time. And a recognition that DC1 has more spent on them now and so far, but DC2 will catch up, and we are a lot more comfortable than we were when DC1 was this age... Basically we do our best and hope it all evens out. But this seems like a lot, and linked to someone they love. Any advice would be gratefully received!

OP posts:
AnnieSF · 23/05/2024 20:36

Why don't you just split it between your two children or even the three?

Original poster
LeftLegRightLeg · 23/05/2024 20:38

Well that also crossed my mind, but I'm not sure that is fair either. And, this is not yet sorted out so I don't know, but can you even do that, even though DC1 is still a child?

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 23/05/2024 20:41

The FAIR thing to do is to split it 3 ways

NorthernMouse · 23/05/2024 20:42

I don’t think you can split DC1’s money as it’s his.

Who has been left the rest of the money? If it’s your dad it would be nice of him to give some (or vary the will to give some) to DC2 and DN, even if it was a lesser amount.

I’d also try to save to bridge the gap between your 2 DC. You’ve got longer to save for DC2 as well, if they get the money when they’re 18.

TeddyBeans · 23/05/2024 20:42

I would split it between the kids. You know it was her intention, so just honour it yourself instead of relying on the will to reflect it

WimpoleHat · 23/05/2024 20:44

If the child has been named (as in “£12k to my nephew’s grandson Tom”), then that is Tom’s money. And only he can decide to give any away (and probably only as an adult). So there’s no “split it”.

StripedTomatoes · 23/05/2024 20:45

Agree with everyone else, divide the money equally between the three children.

Thistooshallpsss · 23/05/2024 20:45

The executer can only do what the will says. I don’t think you can ask a child to voluntarily give up their inheritance so the other children should be provided for out of bequests to adults but only if the adults choose to.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 23/05/2024 20:46

You can't just split the money between the children - it isn't your money to split. You can however save for your second child if you want to.

StripedTomatoes · 23/05/2024 20:47

Of course you, as a parent, can make financial decisions on behalf of your minor children.

Original poster
LeftLegRightLeg · 23/05/2024 20:47

WimpoleHat · 23/05/2024 20:44

If the child has been named (as in “£12k to my nephew’s grandson Tom”), then that is Tom’s money. And only he can decide to give any away (and probably only as an adult). So there’s no “split it”.

Exactly, that's what I thought practically and morally too.

OP posts:
PaddingtonTheAngelofDeath · 23/05/2024 20:47

You can not take away from DC1, but it wouldn't be unfair to match it.

Unless the will says the vague children of my family?

Lollypop701 · 23/05/2024 20:51

If your ds was mentioned specifically I’m not sure you can distribute it to someone else legally. Check before you do this. After that it’s up to you as to decision

SheilaFentiman · 23/05/2024 20:51

StripedTomatoes · 23/05/2024 20:47

Of course you, as a parent, can make financial decisions on behalf of your minor children.

I don’t think this is true.

The money is not OP’s if it was left to her child. If the main beneficiary (dad?) was prepared to vary the will so his other two grandchildren got the same, that would be fine.

Shiveri · 23/05/2024 20:52

Ideally whoever is inheriting the rest would give something to the other DC (given that that is understood to be what your aunt wished). Failing that, yes I would match it. Your sister has to do what she thinks is right for her DC, that’s nothing to do with you. I don’t think you can split the bequest.

ShanghaiDiva · 23/05/2024 20:55

@Shiveri - agree with this.

Original poster
LeftLegRightLeg · 23/05/2024 20:55

NorthernMouse · 23/05/2024 20:42

I don’t think you can split DC1’s money as it’s his.

Who has been left the rest of the money? If it’s your dad it would be nice of him to give some (or vary the will to give some) to DC2 and DN, even if it was a lesser amount.

I’d also try to save to bridge the gap between your 2 DC. You’ve got longer to save for DC2 as well, if they get the money when they’re 18.

We could match it and give DC2 the money now. I'm just trying to get a sense check that that is the "fairest" thing to do. We technically could match it for DN too but that would start to get a lot trickier. I'm considering a lesser amount as a gesture, but that feels a bit weird too and I'm not sure howy sister would feel about it. Ugh.

The rest of the money is going between my dad and one other. As I say, enough, but not fortunes. I'm not sure I can or would raise it with him, but he might offer when reality sinks in. Maybe I'd try and get him to prioritise DN...

OP posts:
zzplex · 23/05/2024 20:55

Deed of variation and split it between the 3 children? Don't know if your DS would need to agree it, being a minor.

WimpoleHat · 23/05/2024 20:55

StripedTomatoes · 23/05/2024 20:47

Of course you, as a parent, can make financial decisions on behalf of your minor children.

You can if it’s involving your money. But in the case of a will that says “£12k to Tom”, that money will have to be paid into an account in Tom’s name. And that is his money - not yours - and you won’t have any rights to take that from him and/or give some of that to another child.

There was a thread on this a few years ago; in this case it was a grandfather who’d left all his inheritance so that his grandkids could go to private school. He put it into some sort of educational trust structure and named the kids. After his death, the OP’s sister had a child….who wasn’t entitled to any of it as he wasn’t named as a beneficiary. Nothing anyone could do about it and it caused a lot of upset.

crockofshite · 23/05/2024 20:56

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 23/05/2024 20:41

The FAIR thing to do is to split it 3 ways

This . Split it three ways.

Then make up the difference to 12k for each of your children from your own funds.

It's up to your sister to provide additional funds for her child if she wants.

albertoross · 23/05/2024 20:56

Deed of variation

SheilaFentiman · 23/05/2024 20:57

LeftLegRightLeg · 23/05/2024 20:55

We could match it and give DC2 the money now. I'm just trying to get a sense check that that is the "fairest" thing to do. We technically could match it for DN too but that would start to get a lot trickier. I'm considering a lesser amount as a gesture, but that feels a bit weird too and I'm not sure howy sister would feel about it. Ugh.

The rest of the money is going between my dad and one other. As I say, enough, but not fortunes. I'm not sure I can or would raise it with him, but he might offer when reality sinks in. Maybe I'd try and get him to prioritise DN...

Show quote history

It’s not up to you to match it for DN

Your dad can think about it if he wishes

caringcarer · 23/05/2024 20:57

AnnieSF · 23/05/2024 20:36

Why don't you just split it between your two children or even the three?

You can't take money specifically left to one child named in a will and give it to others. That would be stealing. Put the money left for DC1 into their savings account. When DC 2 is older you can see how you are fixed for money. You might be able to add to his savings once DC1 is making his own way in life. You have said you have more now than when DC 1 was little.

NorthernMouse · 23/05/2024 20:58

I don’t think you should feel obliged to match it or contribute towards something for your DN though.

MargaretThursday · 23/05/2024 20:59

The amount for your ds1 isn't yours to split. I dislike it when parents do this because it smacks of your dc not mattering.
However, if she's left large amounts to your dad and your sil, then surely the obvious thing to do is a deed of variation so that your ds2 and dn get the same from your dad's/sil's amounts.

If she hasn't left amounts to your dad/sil, then I would suggest the best thing to do is keep quiet about it, and put money aside for ds2 to match, and tell them both it's from dad's aunt when they're older.
That way is least likely to get any bad feeling.