Do I match this inheritance for DC2?

[LeftLegRightLeg]

My lovely great auntie recently died. Her husband died years ago and she didn't have children. My dad (her nephew) has always been close to her and is executor. The estate isn't large, just the flat she owned. Just for background.

I have two children, 13 and 6, and my sister has an 8 yr old. She adored the children, and was particularly close to mine as we live nearby. When my DC1 was 2-3, my dad told me aunt had updated her will to reflect a few changes, and had included a fixed amount (12k) to be left to my DC. I thought was a lovely gesture at the time, but certainly didn't expect or count on it and thought no more of it until now. Obviously I didn't/haven't told DC1.

She doted on my DC2 as much as she did DC1. But, now I know that she never updated her will, so DC1 is the only one of the great grand (?!) nephews and nieces named. Of course it is none of my business how she spends or leaves her money, but I do believe she would have recognised DC2 and probably sister's DC too if they had existed at the time.

My question now is, do I match the amount to put away for DC2? DC do have savings in their name, but not yet this much. We also have savings mostly with DC in mind - not vast fortunes by mm standards, but enough to do this fairly easily. I've wondered if it would look like we are prioritising DC2 with our own savings? Or disagreeing with DAunt's wishes? And then I feel guilty for DN too, I'm confident my sister won't be able to do the same for them (and I don't think sister even knows about the will), and in financial terms our family (and therefore our DC) are more privileged in the first place.

Gahhh. I'm just trying to think about what is fair here. With a decent age gap between DC I'm usually pretty laid back about who gets what, it's more who needs what at the time. And a recognition that DC1 has more spent on them now and so far, but DC2 will catch up, and we are a lot more comfortable than we were when DC1 was this age... Basically we do our best and hope it all evens out. But this seems like a lot, and linked to someone they love. Any advice would be gratefully received!

How is it fair to steal from one child to give money that is legally theirs to others?

If I was your Dad in this situation I would vary my inheritance so that the 3 children each got £12k, assuming he still gets left with a reasonable amount.

If he doesn’t do that, then in your situation depending on the ages of the children and my financial situation I would look to even things out over your two, over time if not immediately.

If your Dad could afford to vary for one but not both, I would suggest he prioritises the nephew as you seem more financially capable of giving your second child an equal amount.

You could leave a bit to your DN in your Will if you wish?

But that's a trust.

If this is a straight cash inheritance then surely the parent can pay it into a child's account and then withdraw/transfer the money to the sibling and cousin.

Parents can manage bank accounts on behalf of their children up to the age of 16.

The amounts were smaller, but my DMs Will was made before a couple of extra GGdcs were born. She’d had dementia for some time when she died so changing her will wasn’t possible. But the executors (both close family) adjusted the legacies to dcs, in order to give all Gdcs and Ggdcs the same.

Parents can manage bank accounts on behalf of their children up to the age of 16.

But it’s a bit like power of attorney for an elderly person - you have to manage it in the child’s best interests. And it’s not in their best interests for it to be given away to a sibling and cousin.

This often comes up with child stars. There are really strict rules about what constitutes “best interests”. So it might be okay for the parents to use that money to buy a house for the family to live in (as that directly benefits the child), but only in the child’s name. It wouldn’t be okay to use the money to pay for a sibling’s school fees.

It has to be in the best interest of the child though. Taking 8k away from them isn’t in their best interest. No matter why.

Hmmm… my teenagers manage their own bank accounts and , once they turned 11 (?) had to bring along their own passports etc when opening the accounts.

I couldn’t put 12k in and out without them knowing…

You can't take money from one child and give it to another and you can't do a deed of variation to take money from a child. Your Dad or the other adult could do a deed of variation to pass some of their share to the other grandchildren though. If this doesn't happen I would definitely match it for DC2.

I would save for your dc2 to even things up. I would have no issue justifying to dc1 that your aunt forgot to register a new will so it is fair.

Unfortunate for your sister, but there isn’t anything you can do about it as it is your dc1’s money.

But the executors (both close family) adjusted the legacies to dcs, in order to give all Gdcs and Ggdcs the same.

What will actually have happened is that some of the adult beneficiaries agreed a deed of variation. The executors can only do exactly what’s written. This could happen here / but the OP’s grandfather and/or the other beneficiary would have to agree that the children could have some of their inheritance. The executors can’t decide that one child’s bequest is spilt in any way.

Pay the money into the child's account.

Wait a month.

Transfer £8k to your account.

Transfer £4k into each of the other kids accounts.

Set up S&S Child ISAs for all three kids and put all the money into a global tracker fund.

The end.

It really isn't a big deal or a life-changing amount of money.

If you have the money to do this, could you work towards matching it for DC2 (you don't necessarily need to match it yet). Could you offer your niece £4k? That would be her share if your aunt had decided to split the £12k, but if it comes from you it is not taking away from your DC1. You definitely don't have to though and it's possible your sister might not want to accept.

And minor beneficiaries legally can’t consent to a deed of variation to their own inheritance, as in they can’t legally agree to share it via a deed of variation.

@ThisOldThang They can manage their under 16’s finances but they can’t just clear out their bank accounts. An adult trustee doesn’t have the right to spend the child’s money as they wish.

It wouldn’t be the end.
That course of action is clearly fraudulent - OP would be stealing her child’s money to give it to somebody else. It doesn’t matter that it would be given to his sibling & cousin, it’s his money and only he can decide to share in that way. And he can only do that when he is an adult.

That is theft, pure and simple. It is the Child's money, a parent manages it on their behalf but that doesn't mean they can do what they want with it. Could they go on a fancy holiday or redecorate the house? No because it's not their money.

I would look into splitting it 3 ways. If it’s legally possible I’d probably do this. Is your dad inheriting the rest? If he is, would he consider releasing 24k from the estate to give to the other two children?

This. Talk to you dad about the possibility of allocating money for each of the other grandchildren from his share.

You cannot take from your child to give to a sibling and cousin. Well you can if you have access to the bank account but it is fraudulent and wrong and your child could well come after you for the money taken from him once he is 18.

At 13, you could have a conversation with with DS1 about splitting it with his brother, or his brother and cousin. Only works if that works for his personality.

YuNoYrBubsHun.

This happened to me and my cousins when my grandma died - she'd developed dementia before my youngest cousin was born and hadn't updated her will. We were all named but cousin wasn't.

When my grandma died some of us were adults and some of us weren't.

We just shared it five ways instead of four. It wasn't remotely complicated. None of us felt like we missed out. We all knew grandma would have included cousin if she'd had the capacity. I don't think we even discussed it for longer than five minutes.

I can't remember how we did it legally (it was Scotland so not sure if that is different if you are in England?) but it was fine.

I can't understand why you'd do any differently really.

"Well you can if you have access to the bank account but it is fraudulent and wrong and your child could well come after you for the money taken from him once he is 18."

🙄

What sort of shitbag children do you think the OP is raising?

How would the child ever know they had £12k?

If they did somehow find out...

"When you were young person X left you £12k in their will, but forgot to update the will after Jonny and Jane were born. It clearly wasn't fair for you to get £12k while they got nothing, so we shared it out evenly amongst you."

"Wah. Wah. That's not fair."

"Don't be a brat and count yourself lucky we didn't spend it on a trip to Vegas."

You probably did a deed of variation, as you were all adults (?) and all beneficiaries.

OP is not a beneficiary, so she has nothing to give away. She cannot deprive her son of money for benefit of someone else and he isn’t an adult who can decide to vary the will.

What if OP thought it should go to the cats’ home, or on Taylor Swift tickets? It isn’t her money to control.

My dad left circa £30k to my eldest, before my other dc was on the scene. We’re gradually putting away money so the youngest will have a similar amount by the time they’re 18.

this is the fairest, I think

Of course you can split it between the pair of them.