Would you go away long haul without your young child if there's no-one else?

[quickques]

Context is I've been offered an opportunity. Before I had DC I would have jumped at the chance. It's a career opportunity to work in the West coast of the States doing something I love, training others and getting paid a good fee.

The down side is I have a 3 yo (will be 4 at the time) and I just don't want to leave them. We have no other family, no grandparents or cousins etc so just my DH, and DC is an only child.

I'm trying to see if I could bring family along but it's not looking practical.

Husband doesn't understand why I wouldn't just go.

I have a bunch of reasons I'm not sure everyone would understand, in no particular order:

• no-one to look after DC and husband works late so can't see that working out
• would miss DC
• disruption to DC routine
• they are my only child. I know it's catastrophic thinking but I've only been away without them once (short haul weekend) and felt nervous on the flight the whole time in case it crashed and I left them without a mum. (I'm not generally anxious or nervous of flying). Since being a mum I value my own life much more and try to stay healthy as there is no-one else if something happened to DH and me.

Again not generally anxious. Does anyone have an only child and no other family and get this feeling about travelling?

How long would you be going for?

I think how long you’d be going is important! 2 weeks and you’re overthinking it, 2 months and YANBU.

Yeah vital information missing, how long for?

Nope. I’ve been away to Europe for a few days but could never bring myself to go long haul. Just couldn’t stand the idea of being so far away and always think what if something happened and I had to get back quickly. It’s one thing jumping on a plane from Rome, another long haul…

Yes, this.

How long is it for? I had to go to australia for a funeral and leave ours with their dad, I was gone (including travel) for five days. Even if I had gone for a nice thing I wouldn’t have enjoyed it as I disliked being so far away. A short flight away sure, earlier in the year I lived in another country to our two for a few weeks, but as it was a very short flight I could visit at weekends.

If it's a week, you could do it

A month?

Not for me

How long would you be away?
I travel long haul for work regularly but I try to limit my time away to 10 days (ish).

I've been doing it since DS was 3 and DH has always made work. A slight change to the routine is no bad thing 🤷🏼‍♀️

Is it forever?

After our wedding in St Lucia we sent DD, then 1, home with MIL and the rest of our extended family, while we had a 3 day honeymoon alone.

We also went to Barbados in December for our 2nd Wedding Anniversary and left DD3 + DS1 with MIL for 10 days. In hindsight 10 days was too long, I would only do a week next time.

But yes, like you, I now have a big fear around dying and leaving my children behind, which is exacerbated if we fly without them. But I don’t think that’s a reason not to go. I’m far more likely to die in a car crash popping to Tesco down the road.

Personally no. I'd take my child with me and organise a travel nanny.

Long haul for work, for a week. Yes. Absolutely.

Longhaul for work for a year? No way.

Long haul for a girls holiday, probably not.

Missing some vital info here...

Presuming you get childcare sorted, then I don't see the issue for a short term trip (sub 2 weeks) Medium term (up to 3 months) harder... perhaps a trip home mid contract?

Long term... take them with you!

What difference does it make that they are your only child?

if the tables were turned would your husband go leaving holding the baby?

your husband will have time to work things out with his job, does he have the ability to work from home?

Why don't dh and child come with you?

Until you let us know if this is for 4 days or 4 months or 4 years, we can't really offer our thoughts.

Personally I wouldn't, I hate being away from dd. Everyone's different though, only you can say what's best for you.

I have a 4 year old. I reckon I'd be fine up to about 2 weeks. After that, I'd be missing DS too much and want to come home.

He says you should go, how’s he planning to juggle his work and childcare?

I wouldn’t go and neither would DH.

Sorry for lack of detail! It's for 2 weeks.

There used to be no childcare and DH simply says they'll be fine but hasn't got a clue imo - he works long pressured hours.

I don't think it's going to work unless they come with. Even then it's not going to work as I won't be funded for them to come and the flights are £££££ plus the area isn't actually one of the nice touristy places so it wouldn't be a destination choice otherwise.

2 weeks yes.
Unless DH is violent/abusive/dangerously neglectful (in which case leave him

So what is his childcare plan? Or will he work shorter hours?

Could they go on holiday while U are working?

That’s what a friend of mine did (but she went on holiday to Japan for 2 weeks). Her DH took her 9 year old and teenager to one of the Canary Islands AI.