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Original poster

Would you go away long haul without your young child if there's no-one else?

96 replies

quickques · 22/05/2024 21:08

Context is I've been offered an opportunity. Before I had DC I would have jumped at the chance. It's a career opportunity to work in the West coast of the States doing something I love, training others and getting paid a good fee.

The down side is I have a 3 yo (will be 4 at the time) and I just don't want to leave them. We have no other family, no grandparents or cousins etc so just my DH, and DC is an only child.

I'm trying to see if I could bring family along but it's not looking practical.

Husband doesn't understand why I wouldn't just go.

I have a bunch of reasons I'm not sure everyone would understand, in no particular order:

  • no-one to look after DC and husband works late so can't see that working out
  • would miss DC
  • disruption to DC routine
  • they are my only child. I know it's catastrophic thinking but I've only been away without them once (short haul weekend) and felt nervous on the flight the whole time in case it crashed and I left them without a mum. (I'm not generally anxious or nervous of flying). Since being a mum I value my own life much more and try to stay healthy as there is no-one else if something happened to DH and me.

Again not generally anxious. Does anyone have an only child and no other family and get this feeling about travelling?

OP posts:
BiggerBoat1 · 23/05/2024 09:36

Two weeks? Of course you should go!

Sunshineclouds11 · 23/05/2024 09:36

What's his plan for if you go?

YogaLite · 23/05/2024 09:38

PS. Worth making most of holidays with DC before they start school!

Interested in this thread?

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Families
FortunataTagnips · 23/05/2024 09:43

Just go! It’s only two weeks. They’ll be fine. It’ll be a good chance for them to do some bonding.

Peonies12 · 23/05/2024 09:52

For two weeks and a great work opportunity, I'd definitely go - you need to trust your DH to figure it out, they're as much a parent as you are. And re. the plane, safety etc - it's statistically far safer than driving a car is and I bet you don't think twice about that.

SquishyGloopyBum · 23/05/2024 09:56

For 2 weeks - go for it. It could be good for your DH to feel the reality of what you do more from the sounds of it.

Doyoumind · 23/05/2024 10:03

You absolutely should go if it's just 2 weeks. You made it sound far more long term and serious than this. If your DH is saying you should go I don't know why you aren't jumping at the opportunity. Don't sacrifice yourself for this. They will be fine for a fortnight.

ElaineMBenes · 23/05/2024 10:10

Ah 2 weeks! Of course you should go.

Your DH is an adult and will need to sort out childcare. I'm sure he can cope.

Westfacing · 23/05/2024 10:18

You wrote such a long-winded opening post I thought you'd been offered a permanent job - or at least a six month contract!

I would have thought two weeks is very do-able.

HcbSS · 23/05/2024 10:20

Isn’t your DH a bit offended that you don’t see him as an equal parent and that your child would clearly be scarred for life if you’re not there for a short time while you work to put food on the table?
I bet if the tablea were turned it wouldn’t be an issue.

fruitbrewhaha · 23/05/2024 10:23

For two weeks yes of course. They will be fine, he’s an adult and will work it out. Perhaps he’ll take some leave or get some help.

I think you’d regret not doing this.

AgentProvocateur · 23/05/2024 10:27

For two weeks? Of course you should go. I’m sure your DH can cope with your DD.

Nap1983 · 23/05/2024 10:28

For 2 weeks, absolutely go!! Bet your husband wouldn't think twice if it was him. My DH often travels for a few weeks at a time. I thought you ment for a long period of time.

MotherWol · 23/05/2024 10:32

For two weeks, I'd absolutely go, but my DH is a capable and equal partner and values my career equally to his. I'd look at what extra support you can get in to make life easier - ad-hoc childcare, a cleaner, meal prep - is any of that a possibility for you?

elizzza · 23/05/2024 10:43

For two weeks, yes I’d go. Is there any particular reason you think your DH wouldn’t be able to cope for two weeks? Maybe it would be good for him to get a fuller understanding of how much is involved in caring for your child, and good for you to see that he can do it.

But also if you just don’t want to go, you don’t have to justify that. You’re allowed to pass up great opportunities if they come along at the wrong time.

CountingCrones · 23/05/2024 10:45

Do it! You’ll regret the missed opportunity.

TakeOnFlea · 23/05/2024 10:46

Yep you should go. Good on your DH for encouraging it despite his long and pressured hours. Sounds like he's happy to take the reins and will sort something out. Leave him to it.

Original poster
quickques · 23/05/2024 10:49

People seem to have latched onto me not trusting DH to look after him as the main reason for not wanting to go, but that's not it. I have some concerns about how the childcare would work around DH's job but that's not the main thing.

The main thing is something that maybe people with supportive wider families and / or more than one child might not fully get. The fear of being away and something happening (to me or DC). That if something happened to DC I'd be 24 hours away, and if something happened to me there's no-one else in the world except DH. We rely on each other so much more and if me or DH ever had an accident my child would be left all alone in the world. It has made me value my life and health / fitness so much more.

Again I'm not generally overly anxious and I'm not saying I sit and think about this stuff all the time, but the prospect of this trip has made me think about it.

OP posts:
OkieSkies · 23/05/2024 10:50

For 2 weeks, yes. Your husband has said he’ll be fine.

MariaVT65 · 23/05/2024 10:52

I know loads of parents who have just gone on holiday for a week and left their young child with grandparents. If it’s only 2 weeks, definitely go!

Justploddingonandon · 23/05/2024 10:53

Well my DH did this regularly when my DC were little and it never occurred to him to refuse as it was part of the job. I also travelled (albeit shorter and more local). Yes it was a pain and even with an understanding boss I had to shuffle my hours around a bit and sometimes take a bit of leave but we always made it work somehow.
As it happens he has now got a new job with no travel, but that is mostly because of DD's SEN.

MaMarysBigBowl · 23/05/2024 10:53

Omg 2 weeks!! I read your OP thinking you were talking about 6 months plus!

Definitely go for 2 weeks, even if you DH ends up using some annual leave to manage childcare. That's not long at all.

Original poster
quickques · 23/05/2024 10:57

Ok, not sure I'm bringing understood re my worries.

OP posts:
Original poster
quickques · 23/05/2024 10:57

*being

OP posts:
DappledThings · 23/05/2024 10:59

quickques · 23/05/2024 10:57

Ok, not sure I'm bringing understood re my worries.

I just worked away, long-haul for a week. DC are 6 and 8. Yes I had fleeting thoughts about how horrendous it would be if something happened to either me or DH while I was so far away but they were irrational.

I understand what you'll worries are but I don't think they are worth entertaining