10 year old DD just told me she's trans

[JLT3300]

NC for this.

I got a text from my DD earlier saying she needs to talk to me about something when she gets home from school. She said she's felt like this for a while, but wasn't sure how to tell me. But that she's trans or non binary. She said she feels like becoming a boy would solve problems she has with her friends, as in girls are bitchy and boys have it easier. And that she just doesn't feel like she's a girl.

I'm blindsided tbh, I didn't see it coming and I'm not sure how to support her. I told her I'm proud of her for telling me and she's very brave, and I'll support her no matter what and love her very much. She said she doesn't want to dress like a boy or use male pronouns.

Recently she said all her friends are saying they're asexual or gender fluid, so I'm not sure if she's just confused or trying to fit in as she's had issues with friends recently and has made a new group of friends.

Has anyone been through similar?

10 year olds should not be sexual in any sense. They have no sexual orientation yet because they are CHILDREN. There isn't or at least there shouldn't be, any such thing as a gay 10 year old or a heterosexual or bisexual one.

Don't feed the drama. Restrict internet access, distract, show her positive female role models, and help her work through friendships issues. Praise her for other things but don't make this a thing. She needs attention and support but not attention because of this, attention in spite of it...and yes the don't put yourself in a box messaging. She needs to be herself whatever that is. Not some stereotype.

They have no sexual orientation? Where are you getting this information from? Most people I know knew their sexual orientation from a young age.

If you never felt any sort of crush/attraction to famous singers, actors, kids in your class or cartoon characters until you were an adult then I think this is very unusual. At what age do you think it's acceptable to start having a sexual orientation?

Or had some inkling of their likely sexual orientation. It’s usually bisexuals and asexuals that take the longest because it’s confusing to like both or neither when the social expectation is based on the majority liking one sex.

@SpiritAdder yes good point that's a better way of explaining it

Your bit was good too. I was chiming in to add to your excellent points. 😁

There's no such thing as trans kids just parents suffering Munchausens by Proxy.🙄

I don’t think it’s all parents. If you look at some of the guff the kids are fed in school and kids tv it’s hardly surprising they latch onto the new and shiny ‘special thing’.

It reminds me of then I was in primary school (about 7 or 8) and a dentist came in to speak to us about looking after our teeth.

The next day most of the girls came in with bags of carrots for playpiece (not because the dentist had said they were good for their teeth, apparently but because they had all miraculously had the same idea overnight that it was a good things to do). This was back in the 70s so noone bright carrots to school!

the carrot fashion lasted about 3 days. Performative carrot munching…

Tell her it is normal to feel confused even until she is thirty.
Encourage her to love and care for herself - body and soul and mind. To do what feels comfortable and happy.
Tell her she is always beautiful to you.
She can be kind and clever and creative and strong in her body just as she is..

Help her choose to join a couple of extra curricular groups not related to school. There she can be herself, learn skills and have fun without the peer group pressure. Groups to peruse - cooking, singing, weaving, gardening, horse riding?

Don't give her a smart phone and monitor her computer use carefully. Watch and protect from bullies.

at that age when I played imaginary games I was a boy - boys had the cool jobs, spies, army etc, so I was pretending to be one of them. I knew I was not a boy.

i doubt you daughter is trans either. And I worry about telling her she’s “brave” for saying she is; that’s another layer to ramming trans down kids throats.

tell her she’s started a very interesting conversation, ask her why she thinks ok are bitchy, find positive role models or better friends.

but don’t even entertain the thought of confirming trans until she’s much much older.

Asexual… at age 10? They probably haven’t even reached the point of any sexual desires yet. Sounds like some of the kids are all saying the same thing and getting confused with it. There’s so much talk about trans etc they’re probably just picking up stuff they’ve heard and copying. I’d be focusing on the troubles with her friends as that sounds like the root of it

Well she's right about ONE thing and one thing only : boys have it easier. Otherwise 10 is far too young to decide anything else. Girls are only bitchy when forced to be BY BOYS - either because they're competing for a boy or because a boy had told them he 'wants' them!

Op I mean this kindly but she’s not trans. She has no real concept of what that even means, if it means anything. She’s 10. She should be reading comics and playing out on her bike not getting deep about gender ideology.

Please don’t affirm this. By all means tell her you love and support her but the best, and most healthy thing you can do is humour the words but don’t give any sway to the idea that she is a boy. She isn’t and never will be. She is a girl, and as shit as that is for her right now, she is crying out for support to become a happy girl.

So sad they can't just be children, feel they have to label themselves.

I’d be looking very closely at her internet access.