if you were still with your first love...what would your life be like?

[BigDahliaFan]

My very first love was an eco warrior type, who camped out in the woods and didn't really drink.

I've changed and I'm sure he has too, but none of that is me!

I wasn't 'in love' with my first boyfriend, but he was a really nice guy.
If I'd stayed with him I'd probably be really fucking boring and sensible and live in suburbia with several kids. Lol. So probably that's why I didn't think we were that suited.

Terrible, he married a colleague of mine and turned out to be a raging alcoholic. I think he's trying his best to stay sober now he's mid 50s but her life hasn't been easy by any means.

He has turned into a money orientated gammon over the years so it would never have gone on that long!

#2 lives in Miami and is incredibly wealthy. However he was far too like the lead character in 9 and a half weeks and my first experience (and not last) of coercive control, so I'm still glad I'm out of that!

Two marriages afterwards. Still never been in a proper mutually supportive proper loving relationship. Makes me sad tbh.

Mine was a nice guy so it wouldn't have been a disaster in that sense, but he emigrated and also never wanted (and hasn't had) kids so our life goals were light years apart, so I'd be pretty unhappy.

Aww. Me too, 12 years so far. I hope we continue like you have

I'd be dead! Married him and he had an alcohol fuelled narcissist breakdown. He was the murder suicide -type - couldn't face up to his problems and the illusion he presented to the world being shattered. DD and I got out by the skin of our teeth.

I have no doubt that I'd be posting on here about my DH's latest affair, blaming myself for his being an arsehole, and claiming that he is a 'good Dad'. I'd be living round the corner from his Mum (who thinks the sun shines out of his arse) and would have no friends of my own. I would have heard him tell me so often that I would believe it that I did not deserve to be treated as his decent friends treat their wives.

The red flags to signal this were obvious long before we actually split up. It was the classic love bombing initially then 'negging' and trying to cut me off from my friends. He was also desperate to get married and have children (although he made it clear it would be on his terms).

I am although I did think my boyfriend before dh was my first love but in retrospect he really, really, wasn't!

Been with dh 24 years since I was 19. Can't imagine life without him tbh. He was there all through Uni etc. We've definitely had ups and downs but I think we've grown up together.

Mine is something similar. He gaslit and emotionally abused his first wife and then abandoned her and their very young children. He married the woman he was having an emotional affair with and started fresh with her like his first family didn't exist, going on to have three more children in rapid succession.

In my optimistic moments I like to think if it had been me, I would have seen that coming (his first wife was very young and very idealistic and I was... not), but I've seen enough people blindsided by spouses they were 100% confident would never cheat on/abuse/abandon them to understand that it could happen to anyone.

Exactly where I am- widowed after 49 years of a happy marriage.

I broke it off with my first love because he was very much taking me for granted after he had moved to london for work and expected me to trail up and down every weekend and then to move there none of which was what I wanted at all.
I married someone else and so did he but by sheer chance I bumped into said first love in Tesco 13 years later in the cat food aisle.
We ended up together and were married for 15 years before the fucker had an affair with my best friend not long after I was first diagnosed with cancer.
Sometimes your initial instincts to split up with someone can be right. I heartily wish I hadn’t been cat food shopping that day.

Well he’s still one of my best friends and we just spent a week together with my family and some if our joint friends. Life would look very different, I wouldn’t have children, I’d still be living in the UK, I would likely have a different career as I would need to be able to travel for long periods of time every 18months or so. So it would be a different life, but still a good one. As it stands he mainly joins my husband in moaning about me and comparing annoying habits.

It would be totally different. He was a proper red trouser wearing Hooray Henry who was heading to Sandhurst. I actually broke up with him, beause I saw where my life was going if we stayed together and I didn't fancy it.

Army Officer's wife is not for me.

Prison wife of a murderer

Wouldn’t have had kids and would be at raves most weekends (last I heard he was still a dj by night). He was a different person around me, didn’t get me like dh does so if we were still together I’d guess it would be an unhappy relationship on both of our parts

Huge hugs to so many people on this thread x

Haha I'd be a wag - and I couldn't be further from that! My first love became a premier league footballer, then a manager. It's all a very long time ago now, I was 13 and he sent me my first ever valentines card.

Well I already live in the town I was born in, but I would still be there but if I was with him I’d be in a shitty rented house, driving him around as he refuses to learn how to drive. I’d likely still be playing the “pick me” game as he doesn’t like to commit even now at the age of 43, and has been stringing a woman on for 5 years. I thought he was amazing. What a lucky escape.
He also smells of BO

No idea. I haven't had any contact with him since we separated at 19 year olds. I tried to google him but found nothing.

I'm still with him. (30 years together.) And my life is pretty OK thanks.

Well, let me put it this way - I haven’t spoken to him for 25 years (my choice!) and a couple of weeks ago blocked him on Facebook. We weren’t friends but he was friends with my sister, and had posted something a bit creepy on a photo of me so I blocked him as I didn’t want him to comment on something I was about to post on my sister’s profile (nothing dodgy but it was about diet/exercise and I could just picture him saying something like “you look great to me!” and I couldn’t bear it). A day later he messages my sister very distraught that I “must hate him so much” and he would love it if we could resolve our differences and be friends. Mate, I last spoke to you in the last century. Fucking let it go, and stop being a massive stalky weirdo.

So if I’d married him, god only knows what it would be life. Hell on earth, I imagine.

Well, I can now see with the benefit of hindsight that he was a silver-tongued narcissist, not the intellectual Adonis I thought he was. So I’m very glad he broke my heart and dumped me, and I didn't end up with him, because my life is far better with my lovely dh.

Prob dead from drugs and partying. And most likely never have a daughter as he has all boys...with 3 different women. Loved him though and still think about him.

Not that different! He earns more than DH and I so a few more nice holidays but other than that roughly the same. We’re still friends and attended each other’s weddings.

My second love, I'd still be driving him round - lazy arse who never learned to drive. And still wondering where he was at night....and he'd always have 'stayed at a friend's house' while turning up still pissed and smelling like a tart's boudoir.

Very good looking - but he was definitely 'a one' and I'm sure he's not changed.