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Original poster

Can you tell someone your kid doesn’t like their kid?

33 replies

Canyouu · 05/05/2024 11:51

DS (7) went to a club where there was another child (6) that he didn’t like. The kid hits a lot, is also a bit younger and quite in DS’s face (he says). He’s stopped the club now for various reasons that have nothing to do with that kid.

Anyway the mum texts me a lot to ask for a play date. She also lives quite close to me and I occasionally see her around.

i’ve tried the “yeah maybe” noncommittal response, but obviously that’s not noncommittal enough because I get a message every other week from her trying to sort it out.

How do I say no? I can’t just be constantly “busy”, it isn’t working. Can I say - nicely - my kid doesn’t want to?!?

I don’t want to be rude because I will see her about every now and again and can’t stand to live awkwardly!

OP posts:
OhOneOhTwoOhThree · 05/05/2024 20:24

I've been the parent on the receiving end of this and it was really upsetting. We'd recently moved to a totally new place for work and DS2 kept talking about one of the boys in his class. I saw the boy's parents at an end of term thing and suggested getting them together over the holidays - the father replied that there was no point as his son didn't like DS2. It was like being punched in the stomach.

As it turned out, DS2 and the boy became friends and the father was regularly asking to meet up at weekends to get the boys together. By that time DS2 had other things to do/people to hang out with so I had to be the one saying no. I resisted the urge to be as unkind as he had been and just made excuses.

LaPalmaLlama · 05/05/2024 20:28

I've said "actually last time they spent the whole time bickering so I think it's better they just hang out at school", but obviously there was a first time to base that off.

TwoThreeOrNotTwoThree · 05/05/2024 21:04

OhOneOhTwoOhThree · 05/05/2024 20:24

I've been the parent on the receiving end of this and it was really upsetting. We'd recently moved to a totally new place for work and DS2 kept talking about one of the boys in his class. I saw the boy's parents at an end of term thing and suggested getting them together over the holidays - the father replied that there was no point as his son didn't like DS2. It was like being punched in the stomach.

As it turned out, DS2 and the boy became friends and the father was regularly asking to meet up at weekends to get the boys together. By that time DS2 had other things to do/people to hang out with so I had to be the one saying no. I resisted the urge to be as unkind as he had been and just made excuses.

I've realised this is happening to me at the moment too, it's really hurtful! I'm still in the "my child is too busy" phase, and reading this thread it's dawning on me that I'm "the other mum" 😬😬 It is really hard when your child asks constantly to have a playdate with the other child, and I know they're friends at school, but the parents just aren't interested. I got a couple of "xx is too busy" or "yeah we should arrange something" then nothing when I try to. I didn't think I was being pushy but when you're not explicitly told, it's natural to want to try again for your child's sake. I did genuinely think their child was busy, so tried to be accomodating for another date. Oops, silly me.

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Original poster
Canyouu · 05/05/2024 22:03

TwoThreeOrNotTwoThree · 05/05/2024 21:04

I've realised this is happening to me at the moment too, it's really hurtful! I'm still in the "my child is too busy" phase, and reading this thread it's dawning on me that I'm "the other mum" 😬😬 It is really hard when your child asks constantly to have a playdate with the other child, and I know they're friends at school, but the parents just aren't interested. I got a couple of "xx is too busy" or "yeah we should arrange something" then nothing when I try to. I didn't think I was being pushy but when you're not explicitly told, it's natural to want to try again for your child's sake. I did genuinely think their child was busy, so tried to be accomodating for another date. Oops, silly me.

Show quote history

Oh it’s really hard. I’m sorry you’re on the other side. I’m sure I have been at some point. When they say no once, I just leave it with them to organise if they want to.

I suppose not everyone likes everyone and children change their minds constantly anyway. (The six-year-old hits a lot right now, but might be different in six months. In fact, he might be different now as it’s been a few months since we’ve seen him - but DS doesn’t want to go, and that’s fine with me.)

You can always leave it with that family and see if the parent comes back to you on their own?

It’s such tricky politics, isn’t it?!

OP posts:
ICanFixHim · 05/05/2024 22:24

Could you be partially honest and say they don't seem to get on that well at club so you're not sure if play dates would work.

You don't need to be brutal but actually if my child was hitting other kids and generally being a pain I'd want to know.

Snoopy111 · 06/05/2024 21:03

Would it help to suggest you met in the park with some other children and parents as well? That might take the pressure off you and your child and might also be a friendly gesture?

BMW6 · 06/05/2024 21:13

I don't understand why you can't just say No because your kid keeps hitting mine so mine doesn't like him much.

Oblomov24 · 06/05/2024 21:24

I can tell a white lie, but all this ds doesn't like playdates is a stretch too far for me, he likes them plenty, with friends he likes who are nice to him! So I'd say something a tiny bit stronger: just say thank you but no, ds doesn't want to.

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