How do I not invite the child who left the class last year but mum is still in the WhatsApp group?

[Lochroy]

It's DDs birthday soon and we're doing a whole class party. The easiest and most normal way invitations are done is WhatsApp. The problem is there is one boy who left last year but whose mum has stayed in the WhatsApp group and occasionally does social evenings. My DD has not seen this boy since he left last July and they weren't close even when they were in class together.

Recently a whole class invite came out and the mum replied yes, DC would love to come. I was a bit surprised to see this! And now I'm worried.

I've already taken a punt on a few people declining so I can fit in my other DC plus one friend for him. If we have any more decline then I've got friends from outside school DD would prefer to invite ahead of this boy.

How do I do a whole class invite but without this one child?!? Wasn't it a bit cheeky of the mum to accept that invitation when I know the inviting mum hadn't realised she was even still in the group! I cba to set up a separate group; if she accepts, would it be rude to dm her and say I'm so sorry we haven't got space, or can we wait and see if we have space?

That's exactly what I'd do except it seems if she posts and organises events in the group it may possibly be seen for what it is.

Not really, but we have the 30 spaces and we did chat about who DD wanted. It was more than half each of the girls and boys so inviting everyone felt best. Given we only want five spaces for others, there's no way I would have invited all but five of the class.

And an open invite?!! How's ops dc having a birthday party an exclusionary 'open invite'??

I would post on the group saying, "All children in Mrs Brown's class are invited" or similar.

Then if this mum accepts message her privately and say, "I'm really sorry but the venue is quite limited on numbers and we don't have space to invite the whole class plus extra children."

I agree the admin need to remove her from the group - she shouldn't really be reading what's going on with the class, like school trips etc anyway - she is just a random member of the public now her child has left the school. Do that and then send the invite. It's a bit pathetic she has such bad FOMO that she is subjecting herself to a class whatsapp that is nothing to do with her anymore.

Just make a different group!

On balance, as you want to do this with least fuss, I would go with the suggestions to put it on the current WhatsApp but just say, “child would like to invite xxx class to their party. Then if she responds, don’t knock her back fully - say you will let her know if any of xxx class drop out, to make space for him, then don’t let her know either way when the time comes. If she still turns up, then you know she’s a CF.

It doesn't work like that for group chats from
https://faq.whatsapp.com/414631957536067
'Blocking a contact won’t stop that user from seeing your messages in a group you both participate in, and you’ll see their messages in that group as well. Please don't participate in groups with people you don't wish to communicate with.'

@StarlightLime @DoreenonTill8 to be fair, I did flag that it would be a minority view. I just think going out of your way to exclude people from things is a bit shitty when it's a wide invite and not just close friends.

Just write that the invite is for class members of your child. The mother on the group whose child isn’t in the class anymore should understand. The admin need to remove her from the group.

Just create a new group with dds name as title

Thanks @OolongTeaDrinker, I was just about to say the same but hadn't looked up FAQ yet.

For those saying..... just say "there's no room for non class kids..." I'd worry if someone says No then the mum would think her DC can now go.
Path of least resistance is to put the invitation in group and if she says Oh Yes, then message her privately. She might not, especially if her DC & your DC were not friendly when he was in the same school.

Hi all (except little Joe) DD wished to invite you to her birthday on 78th Septanuary. Hope you Dan make it.

Well they might not all be close friends @Itradehorses but they are all children that the birthday child sees on a regular basis. The OP said she hasn't seen this boy since the end of the last school year - it's not like he only left last week or has kept in touch with his old class. I agree it's wrong to exclude one or two people if you are inviting a specific group, like a school class or sport's team but surely the whole point here is that the boy isn't in the group any longer.* *I don't see how you can be excluded from a group activity for a group that you don't actually belong to.
OP I think you're entirely reasonable and have had some good suggestions on how to handle things.

Admin.can remove her, you can send your invite , they can add her back and she won't see what was posted in her absence .

Not for class parties.

The issue actually is it’s a class WhatsApp group. She shouldn’t be in it.

I agree, this is a group admin person job. She shouldn't really be in the group any more, so they need to remove her.

Thank goodness dc left school years ago, so I never had to contend with the class whatsapp malarkey.

New group, with the parents of the children you want to invite x

I'd make up an invitation and put on it 'as spaces are limited we regret we can't accept siblings on this occasion' - worth doing so you don't get siblings if your spaces are limited anyway, but hopefully points out that there's only enough room for the classmates

Then if she accepts I'd privately message and say sorry we only have 30 spaces and have outside friends for the first 5 who drop out - will let you know if a spot becomes free

You can ‘broadcast’ a message on what’s app to lots of people at once without adding them to a new group, you could try that?

It’s annoying when people do this. We had one mum who stayed in the year group WhatsApp group for three years. Nobody dared remove her!

I agree the best option is for her to be removed first as that seems to be the issue.

Otherwise (if you can't / won't send separate texts, send paper invitations or set up a new group) list the children who are invited. If he is the only one not in the class,
so be it.

Why not?

This

It's one kid. Take a chill pill.