How do I not invite the child who left the class last year but mum is still in the WhatsApp group?

[Lochroy]

It's DDs birthday soon and we're doing a whole class party. The easiest and most normal way invitations are done is WhatsApp. The problem is there is one boy who left last year but whose mum has stayed in the WhatsApp group and occasionally does social evenings. My DD has not seen this boy since he left last July and they weren't close even when they were in class together.

Recently a whole class invite came out and the mum replied yes, DC would love to come. I was a bit surprised to see this! And now I'm worried.

I've already taken a punt on a few people declining so I can fit in my other DC plus one friend for him. If we have any more decline then I've got friends from outside school DD would prefer to invite ahead of this boy.

How do I do a whole class invite but without this one child?!? Wasn't it a bit cheeky of the mum to accept that invitation when I know the inviting mum hadn't realised she was even still in the group! I cba to set up a separate group; if she accepts, would it be rude to dm her and say I'm so sorry we haven't got space, or can we wait and see if we have space?

It is! Just say in the chat Dd is having a "whole class" party don't even mention the boy just brazen it out I doubt the mum will expect him to be invited.

No, the mum is not particular friends with the other mum that she accepted the invitation from. That mum was really surprised, but is having a village hall party with no numbers cap, so has decided to just roll with it rather than have a potentially awkward chat. DD's party has a very fixed limit, and as mentioned, I need at least five to decline just to fit in everyone we would like to 😵‍💫

I think you should ba to set up a new group specifically for 'DDs party' and invite who you want. I've always done/seen it done like that anyway as soon it stops being whole school party anyway so you might as well get on with it.

@Spinet

You would be less sympathetic at them staying in the group if they moved school to have their disabilities supported? Did you mean this?

There's no magic wand here.

Your choices

1. be explicit on the WhatsApp group - everyone is invited except this child
2. send individual invites via WhatsApp or create a new birthday group
3. go old school and send your child with invites to school to hand out.

Personally I'd just invite the kid.

I would set up a new group. Yes it's a bit of a pest, but you're doing the other DPs a favour as they can use it for future parties without CF DM inviting her DC.

I meant I'm less sympathetic to the OP but I will edit it to more sympathetic to the person since that's a nicer way of saying what I meant (and said extremely unclearly!)

Specify that this is an invite for children in "green class" or whatever your class name is.

It's common here to get a few no shows so I'd invite this child anyway.

This is what I would do.

I think the mention of it being only Mrs smiths class only and just keep saying "Mrs Smith" class parents over and over .

I would set up a new group dedicated only for parties

Minority opinion, but would it kill you to just invite the child. Seems a lot of work and a risk of drama and upset to exclude one child and its mother from what is otherwise an open invite. It would be a mistake to assume the other parents will support exclusionary efforts just because anonymous MNnetters haven't thought it through and have ideas about how you might go about it.

.....so I'd invite this child anyway.

Why? OP's child hasn't seen him since last July, and he wasn't a particular friend of hers even when they were in the same class. Depending on how old they are, he might not even remember her, if they weren't friends.

Just do a new WhatsApp group. You've said yourself the group is used for more than just class admin. Messaging a group and only inviting some of the people in it is majorly pass-agg

In the amount of time you've spent creating this thread and responding to all the comments, you could have easily done it (or at least started a new WhatsApp group without her).

Assuming there are 30 parents on the group, it's a 5 minute job to add them all to a new group called 'Sarah's Party' or whatever.

Your problem would be if the mum of kid who left is particular cronies with a shit stirrer still in the group, & who drops you in it...

...but at that point you just keep reiterating didn't want to spam main chat, tight on numbers, nowt personal, your dc hasn't hung out with the dc who left since then.

Plus everyone who is sick of paying for whole class parties (ie everyone) will be delighted by this new precedent of 'invitee only' groups, so there is that!

Texting a few people and copying and pasting a message is hardly ‘Admin’.

My first thought is does it really matter if it's just one child?

Second is message individually.

Third is set up a new group and then anyone else wanting to only invite the current class can use that group to do the same.

I’m so glad that I had dc pre WhatsApp/Facebook etc. They loved picking invitations and writing a list of who they wanted.

I'd send in paper invites. Just type up the party info and print off however many copies, and hand them out at pick up.

Yes this. Do this anyway, to avoid getting mixed up with general class stuff. This is the norm in my DC’s school.

Another option is to message her first and say, you are only inviting the class because if space, but if there is space due to people declining then you'll let her know and you'd love to have him.

I think that would be less awkward than letting her reply and then telling her.
If I was the Mum I'd think that was fair enough, and appreciate the heads up.

Get whoever is admin to remove her from the list!

I can’t understand why you don’t just set up a new WhatsApp group.