Ukrainian house guest doesn't want to leave!

[reallyneedmoresleep]

We've had a Ukrainian house guest for the last six months via the Homes for Ukraine scheme. When she came to live with us, we said it would be for a six month period and at the last welfare check we confirmed that she would need to move out by mid-May.
She doesn't want to leave. She has asked several times if she can stay, we have said no. She says our house is much nicer than where she can afford to move to.

I have visited estate agents with her who advise that to rent privately, she either needs a guarantor (we are not prepared to do this) or to pay six month's rent plus the deposit up front. She cannot afford this.

What do we do?

I know the situation in Ukraine is appallling and I am writing from a position of immense priveledge but we have found it really difficult having someone else in our home. She is not an easy person to be around, does not work, has refused all offers to be taken to support groups and frequently just hangs around us when we are in the house when we are trying to work or just to chill. Our son is home from uni in a couple of weeks and we need the room back.

There has been radio silence from the council Homes for Ukraine scheme.
How can I help her to move on?

The cultural differences were probably seen as not too different, propagandised as fellow Europeans and all that (but they’d be wrong, there are very real differences that could lead to cultural clash)

I wouldn't go that far because refugees are vulnerable people who need to be looked after. I believe we should welcome strangers in need and try to walk in somebody else's shoes. From what I have seen, those who are housed by the council are put in blocks of flats that nobody else wants, often in undesirable areas. It's something, better than nothing, and presumably not forever because eventually these unfortunate people will move on, but it is nothing about which to be envious or resentful. No doubt there are exceptions but that is life. Most people on social housing lists are not fleeing from war zones and eventually their number does come up.

There's no way simply by saying you're happy to take someone in becaue you are familiar with their culture that , that makes you safe. You could take someone in ,anyone, from any background or religion even your own and it goes wrong, I wouldn't say that makes you racist but i would say it makes you sound naive and judgemental. I do understand you saying not wanting to take in a man on his own but what makes you think a man from a family is any safer just because he's from your idea of an acceptable background?

This is so silly. Cultural differences are very very real, which is why Ukrainians are better off in Poland, Czech, even Germany to an extent. Likewise, Afghanis would be better off in Central Asia. Think about it! If Ireland broke out into civil war (not unthinkable a few decades ago) they’d be better off in the UK and American than, say, China or Japan! Just how it is.

The real issue is that government propaganda papered over the very real issues having someone from a totally different cultural background would cause in a domestic setting.

No good deed goes unpunished, thats very true in this case and many more like it. I would change the locks too if she goes out, she hasnt helped herself so you should stop helping her. If she is clever enough to dodge getting a job or flat share she is clever enough to live on the streets. What a cheek she has I would have chucked her out by now dont care where she is from. To be fair im fed up with Ukrainian this and that we didnt start the war and was surprised so many people opened thier homes to these people, hasnt there been other refugees from other countrys and there wasnt a cry for homes for them.
So how many people took in Ukrainians and are paying the cost?
I would never take someone in unless it was with a watertight guarantee that they had to go in 6 months. Hope it gets sorted OP but I cant help thinking in a way you brought this on yourself.

I’m in awe of you, she might be taking the almighty piss but you’ve still done a wonderful thing.
Apart from all the good advice here, I wonder if she’ll be more likely to do something about leaving when your son has his room back and she has nowhere to sleep?

Your friend should block their number from the parents phone and tell them they are taking responsibility for the property now and they are to only contact them from now on. They’re squatting. If they aren’t paying water/electric etc then your friend should get the companies to switch them off. The fact they both have jobs there is absolutely no excuse for them not to be paying, outrageously ungrateful and entitled.

You’ve done a very kind thing and I’m sorry it’s turned out badly for you.
Your guest has not helped herself and has unrealistic expectations.
I think local housing allowance pays rent for a one bedroom self contained flat for over 35 YO’s only. Even then it is limited to a sim which will only pay for rents towards the lower end of local average.
Depending on your area privately rented accommodation is hard to find and a single non working person is unlikely to be a prime candidate, so she really can’t afford to be choosy.
She appears to have ample time to sort out employment and it isn’t your responsibility to let this situation go on any longer.
She did leave her previous accommodation, and I hope for your sake she agrees to leave yours.

So many ppl were willing to take in ukranian refugees bc they are white - I’m not saying this in reference to the OP, but the govt probably knew it would not fly at all to ask ppl to house refugees of a different race and colour. It’s pretty hypocritical and sad for those refugees, past and present, they should have at least asked on their behalves too.

My aunt and uncle have had huge problems helping a Ukrainian family. They allowed them to stay in a home they own for 6 months, it's been over 18 months and they are refusing to leave or pay any bills. What makes the whole thing worse is that they are incredibly racist and have fallen out with neighbours who are poc, even ringing my aunt to complain about having to live near poc.

My aunt and uncle didn't realise they are an incredibly affluent family and have businesses and homes in Ukraine which are all doing well. They could easily go back as their homes are not in the region affected by the war but are refusing as they want their 2 young children to have a British education. Having said that they're currently unhappy that the local school is so diverse! The whole scheme to house the refugees is dismal, there is no help from the council or charities, and the Ukrainian families who have come here are those who don't really need the help.

I’d have thought she’d need to be CRB’d or whatever the equivalent is now if she was working in a school and not sure how easy that would be coming from abroad, especially a war-torn country, perhaps it’s irrelevant. The ignoring of safe guarding is extremely worrying though. Maybe it is a different set up in Ukraine, just makes you feel extra grateful we have the system we do here to protect children and the vulnerable.

Really? Read poster’s negative experiences and then judge if it’s a lie. Facts clearly trigger you.

The U.K. is consistently ignorant as to integrating other cultures. We should have learned from the Windrush generation that taking in folk and just effectively dumping them in areas as a group, with limited to no support, is not going to help, but we never changed that much and funding for any support eg ESOL or KOL even has now gone.
I appreciate that Ukrainians were addressed differently- taken in by host families, where there are more opportunities to learn language/culture and be a real part of U.K. life, but we messed that up too - there was not enough support or delivery to hosts of what exactly was to be involved - the host families, and areas, should have had proper integration and support packages - helping too to outline expectations. Helping someone from a war torn country is absolutely great but bound to be difficult when many are traumatised from events or leaving family, and all have been living a very different way of life. How many hosts got access to help, how many were fully informed of the potential difficulties of this, how many knew where the Ukrainians could access support and whether they had to do so to learn expectations in the U.K. and their responsibilities and also counselling/groups.
I think host families were somewhat naive, but why wouldn’t they be seeing how it was sold to us. I think the refugees were equally unaware what would happen over time - how can they really be otherwise.
It was a show off and sticking plaster policy that was bound to fail for many. No one had a long term plan beyond a ‘look at us world, we are awesome’ - now hosts and refugees take the hit for this complete mess up. Councils will take the funding hit I presume too - gov’t imposing a poor policy and washing its hands - again.

Bridgetta · Today 05:35

This is so silly. Cultural differences are very very real, which is why Ukrainians are better off in Poland, Czech, even Germany to an extent. Likewise, Afghanis would be better off in Central Asia.

Afghans have very little in common with Kazakhs and Kyrgizsis.

Sorry just wanted to point out that the Windrush generation weren't 'taken in' and weren't escaping anything. They were asked to come over to help re-build the economy in the same way they fought for Britain during the war. Only when they got here they were treated with hostility. Not really the same thing as the Ukrainian situation.

Not to mention the fact that most/many Windrush generation were British subjects anyway as their homelands were British colonies when they left.

Completely different circumstances.

The Holiday Inn near us has been turned into a refugee hotel. No abuse as far as I'm aware. They (all men, not a single female) hang around the car park all day. My teenage daughter has to put up with catcalls and verbal abuse when she walks past. There's no other route from the bus stop to home unfortunately.
Luckily for me I'm too old for their attention. Although they seem weirdly terrified when I walk past with the dog who is a 7kg ball of fluff on legs.

We hosted for 14 months and eventually just agreed to guarantee her rent. She was nice but her kid drove me a bit loopy.
No issues yet, but I didn’t like having to do it and am not recommending it.

Waiting lists for council properties are also only around 7mo in my next nearest “proper town” so lots of the Ukrainians I met through hosting didn’t have to wait too long to get a bed sit etc.

I don’t have any advice, OP. But solidarity. If you kicked her out tomorrow, the council would probably stick her in a BnB straight away.

”My” Ukrainian still comes and cleans for me once a week. (I pay her!!) It’s ended up being lovely.

A British Russian friend at the time questioned how Ukrainians were the same culture as they had a different language, way of life (Ukr GDP was lower than that of Jamaica pre war), food etc.

She argued in some ways an ex-GB-colony refugee may have more in common.

Obviously I’m not saying that all Ukrainians are x,y,z but it is a different culture.

Anyhow, I’m sorry for those who were taken advantage of and pleased for those who weren’t.

You all did a good thing.

This is sad and challenging because on one hand she can't stay but if she leaves without anywhere to go then she is out on the street and has already fled a war. Could you contact a charity a housing charity? If you're based east of england/London, there is a charity called One Housing Support that could help. But it sounds like she is not accepting help because she just doesn't want to leave. Does she have any family or friends here? Is there any way you could give 1 month upfront for her rent somewhere just to get her gone? None of this is fair on you as you chose to do a good thing but she is a grown adult and needs to start behaving like one.

Friends hosted a woman and two children and knew within a,week it was a mistake. But the woman got a job and was able to move on after eight months. What bugged my friends was that she was, pre-war, already living and working in Poland! Just used the scheme to come to England.

I assume that they were expected to pay for their own utilities, though.

Just to clear up any confusion, HfU guests are not lodgers, nor tenants (unless a rental agreement has been entered into at the end of the hosting period). They are legally defined as house guests, and have no legal rights. Hosts can end the hosting at any time and police can, and in many cases have attended to assist removal of guests when they have refused to leave.

Hi - no I know, but thank you for clarifying when I should have clarified that they were invited, but we didn’t take time or trouble to help integrate those who came at the time (nor did we encourage the U.K. population to be able to help with the times I suppose), and it was not helped with where we placed them. We seemed to think they would just acclimatise with gratitude really! I think we could have learned from that though re the integration for both host country and immigrants.

I saw an excellent interview with Mrs Zelensky.

She was very proud of her son, of course.
She also had to tell everyone that her other son is a doctor!

Yes that too.