An open letter from an exhausted teacher

[TeacherAnonymous123]

Hi all, a new account made for this but a long time lurker and commenter.

I know that the vast majority of parents are supportive of schools and teachers, but after my day today I need to say something.

You are not your child's friend. You are their parent. We have been asked to tell a child to go to bed at a reasonable hour (by their mum) as when she asked, they were 'unpleasant' to her.

I am not paid to parent your child. I am not here to teach them how to tell the time at 13 years old, or tell a 15 year old to go to bed before 4am.

Please teach them boundaries and respect and how to act around people in authority. We are at breaking point and are struggling as it is.

I'll happily hear the other side of the situation, but please - parent your children.

When people wonder what happens to the poorly behaved kids, this is it.

I don’t think you need to treat your children like dogs or horses, I also am pleased that I am both a friend and parent to my children. I have two DC, one in 6th form and one in year 8 and they are polite, hard working and thoughtful young people, who appear from their reports to be ‘good’ students.

I think the early years and most of primary are crucial to the outcomes later on so there was lots of play in our house, opportunities to play musical instruments, we would put on our own performances of a book we had read, made the costumes, wrote the script etc. Read loads of books. My upbringing was similar and my parents, particularly my Dad probably thought the most important thing to do as a parent was to feed the imagination that in turn has a positive impact on education and behaviour.

Ban smartphones and tablets for all parents AND children. That ought to do it.

I am kidding btw. Well, sort of.* *

Many teachers are also parents, some of SEN children with varying needs. Many teachers are working longer than the hours they have on contract, work evenings, weekends and also through the holidays. Many teachers do understand the pressures on modern families because we are part of it too. School staff don't live in a vacuum.

But I do feel there needs to be some understanding that teachers can't fix everything that parents can't deal with, eg shoelace tying, basic manners, etc. If a family has on average 2 children, they'd be better served by 1-2 adults teaching them these basics in the family home than a teacher who has 30 children in their class. And if a child can't do some of the basics like shoe lace tying (my autistic child couldn't) then don't put them in shoes with laces for school.

School staff are always grateful to parents that put the effort in, that try, rather than abdicate or are passive and want to make it someone else's problem to solve.

Oh God, yes!
Clueless advice around 'gentle' parenting, 'attachment' parenting has a lot to answer for. Children NEED boundaries to feel safe and they NEED to know the parent meets their needs in order for them to become securely attached. The sheer volume of hands off parents who can't cope with their children is shocking. The children start exhibiting what looks like SEN because they are damaged by the trauma of an insecure relationship and faulty power dynamic. I've taught for 29 years and never seen anything like it. So many children who have zero boundaries so zero confidence so, low well being. It's very sad.

No.

Perhaps during the 85% of children's time that is spent at home parents can bring them up to understand the basic concepts of numeracy and literacy, including analogue time. The topic of time is part of the 'measure' component of most UK curriculum. It's covered from ages 5-12 in Primary in Scotland across a progression of skills. This is part of the 15% of the week spent in school.

Does this include time sleeping PTSD?

To be fair telling the time on an analogue clock is a skill a bit like using a landline phone with a curly wire. Those skills aren't used much in life today.

Someone upthread said there might be an emergency where all the batteries are dead and all you have to use to tell the time is an analogue clock. I do like dystopian books but I imagine in this scenario being exactly on time for your train etc is less of a priority

@TeacherAnonymous123 I think there are problems on both sides tbh.

When my DS started school he conspicuously had developmental and health problems and the school and medics wouldn't listen.

The school frequently threatened us with prison in writing when my DS was extremely unwell, and they drove him so hard academically that he was having constant meltdowns at home.

I couldn't parent him because I was forever picking up what was left of him after a hellish day at school.

I've finally removed him from school now (age 13) and after 5 months at home he's starting to be a functioning human again and I can start to "parent" him properly.

I think the schools need to take a look in the mirror tbh. They can't drive kids this hard and pretend it is everyone else's fault.

Ds had a summer job in Clarks - parent used to say behave or the man will tell you off - ds said it made his job harder as the kids were scared of them. He said he used to think I’d kill them for behaving like that 😂

But years ago, children often behaved through a very real fear of their parents, when smacking was acceptable. I think any real parenting when I was a child 30 years ago was virtually non existent, and similarly, many teachers spoke to kids like shit and ruled with fear. That took its toll on kids too.

I agree that children need boundaries. There also seems to be a problem with people saying they use gentle parenting when what they mean is that they just don’t parent. But it was no better years ago. There seems to be a lot of people who are clueless as to how to raise children but some of that is rooted in how they were parented. They either copy the bad parenting they had, or over compensate for it in many cases.

Plus most analogue clocks run on... batteries

@ThrallsWife

Of course you can stop asking your child to be polite, kind and well behaved all the time and ending up as a doormat then it's being bullied by rough children and parents. Schools are horrible today.

Tbh you need today to raise children different than we did with our oldest children (+18 yo).

And yes - nice, clever and well-behaved children are being bullied today. Don't expect school our teachers to do anything about it.

Only just managed to get back online after a busy weekend - interesting to read the many responses, so thankyou to everyone that posted.

In answer to an above question, I don't believe it's better in grammar/private, but haven't taught in a grammar school for 5 years.

I just wish I could just teach, instead of everything else that comes with the job!

I just wish I could just teach, instead of everything else that comes with the job Says almost everyone about their job.

@Curtainsforus the responsibilities being placed on school staff are horrendous at the moment, due to cutbacks in other services, on some days teaching can be quite far down the list. Not great for teachers and not great for our children

I quit on Friday because of this and a million other reasons involving how impossible the job is now 🤦🏻‍♀️ It’s gone too far and I have another 30+ years til retirement so decided life’s too short to cry every day on the way to work

@DiamondSS sorry to hear that's how you were feeling, but great to hear that you had the courage to leave.

@Curtainsforus Teaching is only 25 hours a week. I then have to find time in the 2 hours of planning I get to write reports, mark books/assessments for over 300 students (secondary), sort out admin for my tutor group including attendance, uniform, equipment, call parents if any of them are on report or have asked for an email. Alongside the weekly 'teacher development' sessions until 5pm, mandatory online training which we are not given extra time to do, and a break and a lunch duty!