An open letter from an exhausted teacher

[TeacherAnonymous123]

Hi all, a new account made for this but a long time lurker and commenter.

I know that the vast majority of parents are supportive of schools and teachers, but after my day today I need to say something.

You are not your child's friend. You are their parent. We have been asked to tell a child to go to bed at a reasonable hour (by their mum) as when she asked, they were 'unpleasant' to her.

I am not paid to parent your child. I am not here to teach them how to tell the time at 13 years old, or tell a 15 year old to go to bed before 4am.

Please teach them boundaries and respect and how to act around people in authority. We are at breaking point and are struggling as it is.

I'll happily hear the other side of the situation, but please - parent your children.

The day that happens whilst I’m teaching is the day I stop!

I also find the older parents are worse than the younger ones.

I read it first time thanks - teachers aren't the only people who can read.... If the teenage pupils don't know the basics of what is on the national curriculum for maths then some hard questions should be asked of the maths department.

I'm sorry but this is very sanctimonious. I work in paediatrics and often see parents struggling but I try discuss it with them then and there. Usually I'm in awe of what other parents are coping with. Would it not have been an option to politely tell the parent directly rather than an open letter bestowing your wisdom to the general public. I feel sometimes teachers forget, when they are speaking to other adults to lose the authoritarian tone.

The telling the time thing isn’t a great surprise and the trend will continue. It’s like driving a car. You learn to drive, you take a test, but it is when you actually drive frequently afterwards that the learning is embedded.

All children are taught to tell the time using an analogue clock. Large numbers of children will never practice telling the time thereafter because they are not frequently exposed to analogue clocks. So they will forget.

With regards to the rest of the points, I’m not surprised. My children are not school aged yet so I don’t know what teachers will think of their behaviour. Oldest is exceptionally well behaved at nursery but not great at home (not awful either). We discipline but I don’t think we’re very good at it, but we really do try.

When I was a child I was scared into behaving by the threat of being smacked. I still remember being smacked. I also spent a lot of time with strict grandparents. My children have never been and will never be smacked. They also don’t spend any time with grandparents. Other than consequence/reward we don’t really have a strategy. I do worry it’s not enough.

That's quite an ageist post.

Just be aware your children might end up with no friends at school - and get bullied. And expect teachers to do absolute nothing.

I have stopped parenting quite a lot with my youngst. If you are one of the few parents taking responsibility you (and your child) might face being very alone.

A phone with a flat battery is of no use to anyone when the only clock in sight is analogue.

Not really, just my experience of teaching secondary.

@Gettingonmygoat

True but is it a real problem or a made up issue?

We've an analog clock at home in the kitchen only to teach our children (and have done) but IRL digital clocks are working just fine.

It's infuriating. The other day I was walking across the (primary) playground at pick up time behind another family. The mum kept shouting "If Mr Jones sees you moving the PE cones he'll be really annoyed.... what if Mr Jones is looking out the window and can see you moving those". Just tell your own kid off and mean it!

I teach secondary. I had a yr 7 parent arrange a meeting wanting me to sanction kids for being a bit mean to her child via WhatsApp, but I wasn't allowed to tell anyone I'd seen the WhatsApp messages as her DD didn't know there was a hidden tracker thing on her phone. Just tell your child you'll routinely check their phone, no need for secrets.

It's very much recognised that many dyslexic learners struggle with reading an analogue or 24 hour clock, never mind dyscalculic ones.

It doesn't mean they're poorly parented 🙄.

Secondary teacher of almost 30 years here, now literacy & dyslexia intervention specialist.

I really don’t think the OP is having a swipe at children with SEN. Can’t some things just be left unsaid or do we always have to say “except for ND children and/or those with SEN”. It’s a bit tedious.

This starts in early childhood with giving a child too many choices and letting them rule the roost. Choices are fine - it’s this or that. Parents need to be firm and have boundaries from the early years so their child knows where the line is drawn.

Kids today, eh?

How many days have you been back from the Easter break?

Maybe the parents are all exhausted as they work every week in the year bar 25 days and something has to give?

Questions need to be asked of the parents too… you can’t devolve the basics of bringing up children to schools.

no I agree its not a critique of therapeutic parenting but she does have a chapter on recent parenting trends and the possible impacts those have had on adolescent mental health. and she does include a section on weak / permissive parenting and the effects of this. She advocates for authoritative parenting as the method with the most evidence behind it for good outcomes.

fwiw personally i do try to generally follow gentle and respectful parenting, including firm boundaries and (reasonable) high expectations. and I dont agree with everything in Shriers book, but I do think it's an interesting perspective.

Good boundaries and fair discipline works well for children, dogs and horses.

Without it, they feel insecure and take advantage.

Discipline isn't hitting or shouting, it's around good boundaries and being in control , which makes kids feel safe, and ironically, more likely to love the parent/s.

Barry Hook, an old horseman did a video years ago about ''Discipline'' and horses.

Titbits/treats are often given as bribery {to horses as well as children} and Hook shows how good discipline really works.

I have an 8 year old DS who is not allowed on social media apps, YouTube, etc. He is also restricted in terms of the games he plays. But it doesn't matter that we do all of that, because his (also 8yo) close friends all have access to everything. Conversation topics (in the playground) currently includes 'the great devourer exists' and 'the end of the world is gonna happen in x days'. Okay...

I have always preferred to focus on building DS' resilience in situations like this. DS often finds himself out of the loop, simply because his friends can watch and play whatever they want. Good for them, I'm not budging. Except no, it's not all good, as I'm currently in contact with the school regarding one 'friend' who can be violent/aggressive towards all of his 'friends', DS included. Believing in devourers and the world's end can't be helping him. The teachers at this school have been excellent. The school even produces an online safety newsletter every term, with updated terms and current concerning things to look out for. But I don't know what's going on with these parents; if they heard these discussions, surely, they would do more to stop their children accessing such information at 8.

londonmummy1996 I am not trying to be argumentative, just genuinely can't understand your thought process. If a child can't tell the time then the teacher/s have failed. But surely it's your child and you want them to tell the time on an analogue clock in the future in social settings. I don't understand why saying teachers failed is some kind of get out clause, it's your child, you want the best for so help them reinforce a skill at home. It's the same as parents who think a teacher with 30 children should teach their child to read, 10 mins a day from you, would make such a difference. It's your child, the teacher probably genuinely likes / loves them when they're in their class but they're not worrying about their careers in 20 years time. If you read books to your child/ talk about clocks/ count the stairs / sing nursery rhymes/ talk about seasons you'd have the biggest impact on your child's education whether covered by curriculum or not and their future.

Are horses unable to use an analogue clock to tell the time?

I can understand your feeling of exhaustion in such a situation. A child's education is a team effort in which parents and teachers play important roles. Support and understanding from parents helps us work better with your children. I hope that your words will lead to constructive dialogue and cooperation between the school and parents in the interests of children.

Not sure which came first. When the government expected schools to tell parents what to feed their children, when they should go to bed, what they should do ouside of school then I think some parents lost their confidence in their own judgement and ability to parent. You see it now because of the attendance crisis schools expecting parents to take poorly children into school so that school can decide whether they should stay or go home. It removes the need for parental judgement. If you haven't got a close community or extended family who will support and advise then it's easy to see why parents defer to schools instead and it's not a huge leap then to step back and expect schools, who have been pushed as being an authority on child rearing, to do the parenting for them.

One of mine can't tell the time, has no concept of 5 minutes compared to 60minutes, can't tie laces and more..my other child can do all of this easily. They have been raised by the same parents in the same environment. Children are all different