Have you ever had to 'Ask for Angela' at a bar?

[TellingBone]

What happened?

https://askforangela.co.uk/

God I wish I had known About this in my pregnancy

I wanted to confide in medical staff and the creep was breathing down my neck

@YaMuvva

This was when my partner erupted with my
After the appointment

He had been worried I told the staff he was abusing me

Rang me even and begged me to pick up over what's app messages

This! Some places have the posters in the female toilets but some have them everywhere which has baffled me because... then the person (man) who is making you feel unsafe has also seen them, so if you ask for Anglea he'll know what you're doing so the code becomes pointless? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Bar staff are underpaid, over worked, talked to like shit, often threatened themselves, sleazed on to all the time… The list goes on. Why on earth they should also be made responsible for someone else’s safety is beyond me. Not to mention it puts them in danger if a nutter realises they’re assisting their date out of the back door.

of course anyone would help if they can but having a whole scheme which puts that weight on their shoulder is ridiculous.

if the government can’t control its men folk, they should pay to have guards in every bar who can step in to deal with creeps.

Not Angela specifically but I was once in a bar while away at a conference. Many of us were staying in the same hotel and one bloke got increasingly creepy and wouldn't leave me alone despite me saying I wasn't interested. I left and he followed me so I went back in as the streets were quiet. On going to the loo I noticed signs saying to ask the bar staff if they've found "a black purse with a star on" (or something similar I can't remember precisely) if you need help. I did it, the barman said "oh yes come and check the lost property" then let me through into the office to wait while a taxi came, then let me out the fire exit so I wouldn't be noticed getting into it. I was very grateful as the guy I'd been trying to lose was also staying at the same hotel. By the time he started blowing up my phone after he realised I was gone I was safely in my locked room. Horrible experience, ugh.

I think it's a great scheme. I went on a date once and the guy went very strange and felt very uncomfortable. They only had one way in and out (that I knew of) I went to the toilet and climbed out of a window and jumped on a bus.... It's the worst feeling knowing something isn't right and feeling trapped. This is a good scheme and I'm glad others have used it to get to safety.

I think it's probably fair to assume that if the pub you're in has those posters in the toilets, that their staff are trained to know what to do if you do have to 'ask Angela'.

I think it's a fantastic initiative.

Way before 'Ask for Angela' was a thing, a work colleague stalked me and turned up at my local pub. Spouted utter filth at me for hours, he just wouldn't leave me alone (he had previously turned up at my door the minute I arrived home from a totally different town, so was watching my flat too).

He knew where I drank as we had had a staff afternoon out there a few weeks previously so must have followed me home to find my address.

The bar staff helped me escape when he went to use the bathroom and actually drove me to their staff shared flat until one of them went and checked my flat to make sure the coast was clear. He was aressted later that night as he was found sleeping in his car in a lay by, pissed out of his head. Almost lost his job as he lost his license, had to spend his wage on a driver for himself, 'lovely family guy' - total bastard.

I know of one Police Force at least who go round testing bar staff on this. Then go back later to give feedback.

I worked in bars in San Francisco's Castro district from about 1989 - 1996 and we had a similar program - we didn't use the name Angela but we had a different name every day as a signal that someone needed help. These were unusual (for the time and place) but not outrageous names, and of course we wouldn't use the name of a staff member or "regular" patron. Some of the names I remember are Maeve, Oksana, Rhonda, and Shoshana.

The name would be posted in the "ladies' room" (toilet) and at the time, it was not acceptable for men to access that room. The person that needed help would approach the bar and say something like "Is Maeve working tonight?" and the staff member approached would take it from there. Everyone was trained to do this and everyone knew the name of the day.

If someone did ask, usually we tried to get the person asking into a private space and find out what she needed, but if that was not possible we could at least keep an eye out and involve our security staff and even the local police if needed/requested.

I'm wondering now if we should have had something for men who felt in danger but - despite the bars I worked in being very gay-friendly, and in one case gay owned - I can't remember that topic ever coming up.

If you are feeling unsafe with the date, they take you to a safe space, call a taxi for you, and then help you get out of the building (possibly via the fire exit round the back) without your dodgy date noticing. They can also call the police if necessary.

There used to be a bowl of cheapy metal teaspoons in the women's toilets before airport security with a "don't want to fly, tell us why" sticker.

(A spoon because it's going to set off the metal detector and you'd be taken for a further search, but it wouldn't be mistaken for a weapon even if you have brown skin)

I think they were taken out because of COVID, I haven't seen them since.

www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jul/09/metal-spoon-alert-authorities-honour-based-abuse-leeds

Last time I was in an airport I felt v reassured to see signs in the women's toilets telling women ( or in reality, girls ) how to indicate to someone that they were being taken abroad against their will. I wish I could remember what it was, I don't think you even needed a phone to be able to do it.

I hope you managed to get away

My 18 year old son had an induction for his part-time job at a golf driving range and was trained on it recently.
I hope it's that's the norm

Oh don't be daft.

This whole scheme has been advertised on the national news.

Worked at Spoons, we were all trained on it. Most places that have the posters up in the loos will have staff trained and also we used to have the poster up in the staff room, so we saw it everyday. I did wonder what if we had someone called Angela working there, but we never did so never came up. I’d assume maybe she would just be told be go by Angie or something?

It doesn't matter where the posters are, I'm sure plenty of men especially creepy abusive ones know about the ask Angela campaign

It's not like some secret thing that only women are aware of

Was employed by a big PubCo and no there was not official training on it. However, I did train staff. The posters were up etc but no one would have had a clue if anyone asked them so I said "Say, I will let her know you are here" and then go back and say "She is stuck in the office, but she says come back for a chat" and then take her behind the bar.

Never happened once in all the years I spent in the business.

Virtue signalling by businesses who dont actually give a toss.

Also, Ask for Angela means nothing now as the fucking arseholes all know about it.....

I'm surprised by the amount of disdain towards the scheme, i understand it isn't perfect but questions like "tell him and leave"- surely the whole point is when you don't feel safe doing that, and surely we trust each other as women to know when that might be the case. As a mother of a 17 year old I'm so pleased she sees these options and understands that staying on a date with any kind of man who scares her is not her only option. I'm also pleased predatory men see and know about it and realise there is an answer for women.

Its not disdain so much as pragmatism.

The fact is that if they know about it, then it isnt safe to Ask for Angela. What if the bar staff are male? What if the date is at his local? Too many variables now it isnt our secret.

I read about something that sounds better to me, advising women, especially young women, to approach other women to ask for help. Dont ask for a link, I cant remember where I read it.

So young woman is being creeped out and goes to the loo, speaks to another woman who (sadly) will probably have been there herself and helps her out. A lot of us on here are mothers of teens/twenties DD's, and if a woman came to us we would help them in the hope that others would help our DD's if the need arose.

It was never ever a secret though 🤷‍♀️

Too many variables now it isnt our secret.

It’s quite worrying that you said you provided training, yet you are under the misapprehension that it was ever a secret in the first place.

How on earth did you think that would ever work???

I randomly decided to walk into my local pub yesterday evening, while I was walking the dog. Had a shit day and thought why not. Was stood at the bar and there was a guy giving off odd vibes, didnt think too much about it. As I paid for my drink, the barman held out his phone and said 'can you check your payment on here'. His phone was open on the notes page and he had typed out- Does this guy seem weird? I just said yes. They asked him to take a seat in the pub, in a place where he couldn't see me but the bar staff could. The barman came over and said as I had turned to talk to someone else that had a dog at the bar, he was looking me up and down in a leary way. I was really impressed.