Have you ever had to 'Ask for Angela' at a bar?

[TellingBone]

What happened?

https://askforangela.co.uk/

I know what you mean OP. I'd worry the 21 year old behind the bar would not know.

I thought this. Also what if you really do need a woman called Angela.

🤣🤣🤣

Men can have dodgy dates as well though!

I assume you’re talking about gay men?

If so maybe it would be sensible for them to have a different name to quote.

Ask for Angela has been around a long time. I last worked in a bar 7 years ago and we were aware of it then.

when a new person started the security staff would be sure to mention it to them. It would be a matter of radioing and security would escort the person out/evict the creep.

It is on posters in the Men's loos as well. If you're a man who needs help, you can also ask for Angela.

@SeanBeansMealDeal
Ask For Angela was named in remembrance of Angela Crompton, a woman who was abused and killed by her husband in 2012 when an argument about redecorating a house got out of control.

There’s more info about how it started here
Campaign

I don’t know if anyone watched the recent Jury Trial thing on Ch4. That was based on the real life trial of her killer.

Why does it need a different name if it's a man? That makes no sense!

Some of the replies here are a bit off. It isn’t there for women if they are on a date and they just aren’t feeling any sparks it’s for if they feel vulnerable or scared. Most bars have posters in the ladies loos on each toilet door. It’s supposed to be discreet, say if the creepy guy you’re on a date with doesn’t leave your side and you can’t explain the situation out of his earshot. Staff are trained to help women out of the bar, possibly within him noticing.

So that there aren’t posters in the men’s toilets letting potential creeps know what asking for Angela means - of course that would make more sense!

I haven’t but a friend did. The person behind the bar said “oh but you’re here with Steve! He’s a great guy, no need to worry” 🙄🤦‍♀️ But that was just one instance and I think it’s generally a great scheme. Especially in places with no women-only toilets where you can’t get away from the person to try and call someone/get some help (yes I have assumed that the wrong’un is a man but honestly they usually are)

I work in a pub and we have Ask For Angela posters up in our toilets.

We have had zero training, no one from management has ever discussed with us any kind of plan or what we should do in a situation where someone uses the phrase.
I've wondered a lot about how I would handle it.

We do have them in the men's as well, I know a man could also need help but I sometimes worry that if someone asks for Angela the person with them will know what it means and they could be in more danger.

I don't want to put a downer on the scheme, I think it's a great idea and I didn't know it was named after a real Angela.
I just wish my particular place had some training in place.

yes I have assumed that the wrong’un is a man but honestly they usually are)

Well yes, the threat of a man being attacked/raped by a woman is…slim to none.

If you're in a bar- so a public place with other people and you're on a first date with a man who is creeping you out and you ask for Angela, someone is there to act as a buffer for you. Someone who has their colleagues present and is then able to control the situation because they can ask him to leave if he gets shirty about it, they can wait with you and put you in a cab so he can't follow you outside and harass you, they can make sure he doesn't follow you into the toilets or withhold your belongings from you unless you stay etc.
If you're in an abusive relationship and your partner is getting drunk and nasty you can ask for Angela and be assisted to get into a cab to your sister's house until he sobers up and he is far less likely to intimidate you or harm you with people watching, as an example.
If a group of blokes won't leave you and your friend alone while you catch up over a drink, send you drinks you don't want, approach you and won't go away, make innuendos and generally make you uncomfortable you can ask for Angela and the staff are aware to keep an eye out or have a word about their behaviour.
They don't bring you a new date, no. Some people have no imagination outside of their own experiences at all and it shows. If you've never needed it, great! But if it helps even one or two women and does you no harm whatsoever why treat it as though it's a ridiculous concept?

I disagree everyone I’ve talked to in person thinks it is stupid. I mean , the person you are with would have seen the ask for Angela stickers around the place too and would know what message you were trying to get across when speaking to bar staff . and there is only so much bar staff can do anyway, if they even knew what you were talking about.

The red sticker in a maternity unit a previous poster mentioned is a great idea though.

if you work in a bar and haven’t had training on this maybe suggest it?

if it was my 18 year old in a bar I’d like to think she could get help

No. What a load of cobblers.

For those saying about having them in men’s loos too - the male bar men and bouncers if they’ve had training will know what it means anyway.

I also know it was shared by many men on SM (thinking they were helping).

I think the theory behind it is great but many men will know what it means and there is a chance the staff won’t.

I think if you just don’t like the date then make an excuse to leave early.
If you’re concerned for your safety then try and speak to a staff member and tell them directly so they can help you sooner.

There are a few things like this, like using the hand signals if you’re scared and typing in a number when on the phone to 999 if you can’t speak.

Unfortunately, these sorts of things are either so well known that the men know them too and therefore defeats the object or they’re kept more as a secret and then not enough women and staff at the establishments know about them.

But if it helps even one or two women and does you no harm whatsoever why treat it as though it's a ridiculous concept?

Who’s treating it as a ridiculous concept?

Wondering if bar staff have been appropriately trained is a fair question. Especially as some bar staff on here have said they have the posters and haven’t had any training.

This is an amazing idea and I bet has saved so many women.

I wonder if something similar could be implemented in loos at bars instead of/as well as the ask Angela thing.

There are sometimes rip off tabs with DV phone numbers on them but perhaps having something you can hand over discretely would be a good idea (as long as the staff are trained to spot it of course).

The problem is if women know about it it's likely men do too. It's public knowledge.

We have a scheme for free period products called ask for Jackie. The products are on a shelf so people can just help them selves but not one person has ever asked for Jackie

Yes the posters were in the gents too, needing help on a date is not exclusively a female thing.

True, but if a 'discreet' scheme is advertised freely to both female and male patrons who could genuinely need help, what other sex do you suppose the aggressors are all going to be, who will not know what the point of it is?

I did always wonder what happens if Angela who works in the office comes out.

I definitely understand the sentiment but never really understood how it might work. I have never worked in a bar so don't know what training goes in but if it's not implemented properly I can def see how it might cause issues

They probably find their daily lives as irritating as people called Alexa do nowadays.