Have you ever had to 'Ask for Angela' at a bar?

[TellingBone]

What happened?

https://askforangela.co.uk/

As it’s fairly well known phrase surely creepy men now also know what the phrase means?
That being said it’s a good idea and signals the venue can help if someone can’t think quickly about asking for help.

It's a great idea - and it certainly can't hurt - as long as bar staff are informed about it.

I'm surprised that whoever originated it didn't choose a much less-common name, though, or even a first name/surname combo that is much less likely to be anybody's real name.

I can't see how this would work without causing a lot of confusion in any bar or restaurant that does have an Angela working there, of which must be many.

I'd also like to hear from either someone who has asked for Angela or bar staff who have been asked.

Like pp, my concern would be that it's so widely known that the creepy guy would also be aware of the Angela code word so it wouldn't be very discrete and the woman would be better off just openly saying "this man is creepy, help me to get away from him please"

Especially if they're the sort of man who doesn't respect protected female-only spaces and barges in to the ladies' toilets himself - in which case he would see any signs on the walls or cubicle doors advising of the scheme.

I think it's a good scheme too. I just wondered whether anyone had knowledge of it 'working' - either as a customer or bar employee.

There's no way of knowing whether it has 'saved lives' as we can never know what might have happened. But if even one woman has been kept safe by it that's a thing to be praised.

It's a great idea but I'm entirely cynical about training being provided. Perhaps bar staff have always had their own ways of dealing with vulnerable women.

I'm an intelligent person but even I'm not entirely sure how I would 'ask for Angela' in a bar. Is it something like 'does Angela work here?' or 'can I see Angela please'?

I'm just thinking of the awkwardness of a young woman asking this and getting a blank look in return.

Saw a few posters for this in spoons at Christmas time. I don't often go out so wasn't aware of it before.
The staff were young and rushed off their feet and I doubt they would have been much help tbh. I'm not being goady.
Maybe if it was a real emergency or not as busy , but I can't see it working that well in many places.
I hope it's helped someone in the past

DH told me this is also in the men's toilets. Kind of defeats the purpose surely.

God, how ridiculous 🙄

The posters were in the gents too , apparently!
(This was spoons )

Yes I have. This happened to me. He was sending me free drinks and I felt very uncomfortable. The staff were great. This was in London.

I’m a (very) mature student and the signs are all over the student bars and cafes at my uni. As in, out where everyone can see them including presumably whoever you’re trying to get away from. Seems daft implementation of what is otherwise a sensible and helpful scheme.

I work for a pub chain and we are trained in this scheme with refresher training every year. Everyone is aware of what steps to follow. Having said that, I don't think anyone's ever "asked for angela" in my work place.

And, yes, the posters are in the men's toilets which I agree is stupid and defeats the point.

I think that the main point is raising awareness that people are drinking in an establishment where creepy behaviour will not be tolerated and where staff will (hopefully) know what to do to support someone who asks for help - however they choose ask for help.

I get the point about the codeword name not working if it's also in the gents - but men also go on dates, and some with other men, and can equally find themselves in a difficult and unwelcome situation. So also need support.

There's no ideal solution to any of this. I've worked with health services before where they have put the phone number for a DV helpline in the barcode on a free lip balm so it looks less obvious. It's hard to strike a balance.

I think this every time I see the posters (usually in Wetherspoons).

I used to run a bar and all of my staff were trained about ask for Angela. We even role played some scenarios just to make sure they were sensible.

Yes the posters were in the gents too, needing help on a date is not exclusively a female thing.

For me asking for Angela is a sign that someone needs a specific kind of assistance, otherwise the conversation is long rather than a couple of words whispered in someone's ear. It's easy to say is Angela working rather than the story of the date not working out. It also signals to people that bar staff will help if they are needed.

We were asked once in the time I was there, a woman on a first tinder date who was really unsettled by the guy. She knew we supported ask Angela so asked one of the bar staff to keep an eye on her and help if she asked us to. She succeeded making her own getaway about an hour later. She came back the next week with flowers for the person who helped her.

Ours had similar. Excellent scheme.

my colleagues husband once moaned about how he was sent out the room during his wife’s booking in appointment so they could find out if she’s was a victim of domestic violence (she told him afterwards). He actually wrote a compalint on the basis of “Do I LOOK like a wife beater?!”

Ive looked at him very differently ever since

Better having it than not having it. It shows an awareness of what women might be enduring and finding the right thing to say in those circumstances can be very difficult. All they have to do is call a taxi and put the person in it, if necessary to go to the police station.

No, but a barman once asked me if I wanted to ask for Angela. I was very touched but thankfully was (as far as you can be) in control of the situation and I felt better knowing the staff were keeping a be eye on me. I was mid thirties too so not a young woman.

I've also wondered about this scheme after seeing signs up in a pub where I'd just been given a terribly poured pint and had to wait while they struggled with the card machine - I did wonder how well asking for Angela would go if the staff were struggling with their main business of serving and selling alcohol.

It's heartening to know it is actually backed up by training and they do have a plan of what to do. I also see PPs point that it works well as a code word; you don't have to explain yourself - you can just say one sentence and the staff will know roughly what's going on.

Faith restored!

Maybe they should do an "Ask for Adam" for men? I can see why they may also need assistance.

For those saying "if you can get to the bar and you can ask for help" or "if everyone knows, it's no use", asking "is Angela here?"

1. is a lot shorter and quicker, rather than some incoherent rambling and pleading,
2. is easier to deliver casually rather than breezily going "hi, I'm being harrassed" with a smile on your face
3. gives people assurance that the bar staff WILL help because such a scheme actually exists (assuming the staff have been trained but anyway #1 and #2 still apply).

See now I always assumed you didn’t actually have to ask for Angela so it wasn’t necessarily a safe word, the posters were just making you aware that you could ask the staff for help and they would help you. Admittedly I haven’t read the posters properly though!

I think the name should be different in each venue and only on the inside of the ladies' cubicles.

I work in a pub and we do have a couple of these posters up and about, but not me or any of my colleagues have ever been told what to do if someone said this to us. We have a lot of young people working there too (freshly eighteen) and I have no idea what would happen if someone said it to them, I don't think they'd have much clue what to do