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Original poster

Batshit Next Door Neighbour

96 replies

ineedastrongercoffee · 18/04/2024 09:30

We've lived in our house 11 years. Next door neighbour was an elderly lady on her own, she eventually moved into a care home and the house was put on the market. Sadly she died during the house being sold so it's taking ages and ages for the sale to go through.

A few weeks ago her son turns up. I've never seen him in all the time we've lived there. He came asking to take some pictures of his mums house from our garden. He started crying and was clearly upset. I did allow him to take some pictures but it was mainly from our drive.

A few days ago he comes again and speaks to my husband. Again he got upset and said that he'd be back later in the day to take a video of the house, and could he take some more pictures now it was a sunny day. Husband thought he was a bit unhinged but agreed if it was just on our drive looking towards the house.

I was in my house on my own yesterday and again he knocked on the door. He's holding an empty water bottle, he asked if I would mind filling his water bottle as he wanted to take the water home with him (he lives in another city) and have a cup of tea made with him mum's water (next door neighbours have had the water turned off since the house went on the market).

Seriously how odd is this? I did agree but closed and locked the door whilst I fetched the water.

We're now getting a ring doorbell so if he knocks again I can bloody ignore it. I mean who does this?

I should add that I am certain that he is next door neighbours son, I was aware of the city he lived, his sister lives nearby too and he named them all in conversation.

OP posts:
Janetime · 18/04/2024 09:31

He sounds harmless to me, clearly grieving, maybe some additional needs, try to have some empathy.

Spencer0220 · 18/04/2024 09:34

Be careful. But he does sound utterly bereft.

Cosycover · 18/04/2024 09:36

He sounds devastated. I wouldn't ignore him but that's just me. You do what you feel comfortable with.

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Dareisayiseethesunshine · 18/04/2024 09:38

Mixing up unhinged for grieving is a tad unkind....

AutumnFroglets · 18/04/2024 09:43

It does sound like he is struggling with her death. Do you think you could give him a few minutes of your time to chat about his mother? How lovely it was living next to her, whether she liked any particular flowers in her garden etc, just little snippets that he can hold on to and remember.

One of my brothers struggled - to the point he had to live in her house, cook using her pans, use her shower etc as it made him feel closer to her. Now that was weird.

crumbledog · 18/04/2024 09:44

He’s grieving his mum, saying he’s unhinged is not nice. Have some empathy.

MonsteraMama · 18/04/2024 09:44

Poor guy, grief can make you act a bit crazy. I remember bawling my eyes out over a bag of frozen spinach in Tesco because it triggered a vivid memory of my recently deceased closest childhood friend. I'm sure plenty of people thought I was completely nuts then.

Arlanymor · 18/04/2024 09:45

He sounds utterly bereft and grief can make you act in unusual ways. Sounds like now his mum is gone the house is the only thing he has physically left to cling to until the sale is complete. I’m not sure that the water thing is all that very different from people sleeping with a loved one’s item of clothing following a bereavement/break-up, it’s having something with a tangible link.

Up to you to decide how to deal with this of course. If you feel uncomfortable then fine to put down some boundaries - i.e. you only answer the door if you have company in the house - he sounds like a bit of a lost soul. I hope he is getting some support from other family members, which can be hard if they are also grieving.

Janetime · 18/04/2024 09:47

AutumnFroglets · 18/04/2024 09:43

It does sound like he is struggling with her death. Do you think you could give him a few minutes of your time to chat about his mother? How lovely it was living next to her, whether she liked any particular flowers in her garden etc, just little snippets that he can hold on to and remember.

One of my brothers struggled - to the point he had to live in her house, cook using her pans, use her shower etc as it made him feel closer to her. Now that was weird.

Well that’s unlikely as she’s planning on ignoring him totally.

AtrociousCircumstance · 18/04/2024 09:50

Don’t be guilted into anything you’re not comfortable with. However grief stricken the poor man is, he’s behaving strangely and you don’t have to be responsible for him. You have already been kind but now you feel uncomfortable. You have every right to draw a boundary.

TraitorsGate · 18/04/2024 09:52

He's not unhinged, he's grieving the loss of his mum. Don't let him in or talk to him if you feel uncomfortable but try and see his view. You could ring his sister to let her know if you have her number. If it really bothers you then call the estate agent who could speak to him or his solicitor, hopefully to check that he's OK and getting support if he needs it.

Arlanymor · 18/04/2024 09:52

It does sound like he is struggling with her death. Do you think you could give him a few minutes of your time to chat about his mother? How lovely it was living next to her, whether she liked any particular flowers in her garden etc, just little snippets that he can hold on to and remember. @AutumnFroglets

That’s such a thoughtful idea if he’s open to it.

kittysaysmeow · 18/04/2024 10:00

Wtf?! All he has done is ask to take pictures from your drive and have his water bottle filled up because the water is turned off.

Unhinged? Yeah someone sounds unhinged here and it isn't him. You sound totally callous and nasty.

All this 'be careful' nonsense from posters is bizarre. Be careful of what? Drowning in his sea of tears?

If he was at yours constantly and being aggressive or excessive or demanding then fine but what really has he done to rattle you?

Get a grip on yourself. By all means get a Ring camera and avoid him entirely.

UnpickThePockets · 18/04/2024 10:08

I’m full of sympathy for the poor chap. I thing you sound a tad unkind OP.

ThisIsMyRubbishUsername · 18/04/2024 10:13

He sounds like he’s heading for a breakdown. While I would have sympathy for him, it is intruding on your life. I don’t understand the water thing myself and find it a bit odd. The photos I can completely understand. I think you need to draw a line somewhere with it, but tactfully because he is obviously in a fragile state. At the end of the day though he isn’t your responsibility and you have been more than generous accommodating him.
I think I probably wouldn’t answer the door going forwards. Nothing is going to bring his relative back and you’ve done all you can for him by letting him take the photos.

ASighMadeOfStone · 18/04/2024 10:14

There's no "tad" about it.
You don't need to do anything you don't want to regarding accomodating the man.
No need to be a total arse though. Though I think that horse might have bolted.

HoppingPavlova · 18/04/2024 10:19

Do you think you could give him a few minutes of your time to chat about his mother? How lovely it was living next to her, whether she liked any particular flowers in her garden etc, just little snippets that he can hold on to and remember

I would not risk going down this path as he may then turn up frequently wanting to chat about his mother. Fair enough if it’s a child whose parent died when they were young and it’s another adult Sharing things they knew that the child never had the opportunity to know. However, this is an adult man, surely he has plenty of memories of his mum himself, he doesn’t need to add her neighbours!

November2024Mummy · 18/04/2024 10:21

Yeah, no need to be mean about him OP. Treating him like the local serial killer or something, he's just emotional?

Talking about a ring doorbell and bloody ignoring it. If anything I sound more unhinged to be making a thing of it 🙁

spinningplates68 · 18/04/2024 10:22

What's unusual about any of this? The crying - he's lost his mum. The photos - he's trying to sell the house. The water - there isn't any at his mums.

Genuinely struggling to see what is 'batshit' about any of this.

Delphina17 · 18/04/2024 10:24

You sound like a horrible person to be honest. Very glad I'm not your neighbour.

rainbowstardrops · 18/04/2024 10:31

He wanted to take some photos and videos of his mum's house that he needs to sell and asked for water because theirs has been cut off and you think he's unhinged? WTF?! He's emotional because he's lost his mum and is having to sell her house! I was absolutely devastated when we had to sell my mum and dad's house.
I think you might be the batshit next door neighbours to be honest!

Princesspollyyy · 18/04/2024 10:36

You've just described someone grieving. That's all that's happening here.

You sound horrible.

Oldermum84 · 18/04/2024 10:39

kittysaysmeow · 18/04/2024 10:00

Wtf?! All he has done is ask to take pictures from your drive and have his water bottle filled up because the water is turned off.

Unhinged? Yeah someone sounds unhinged here and it isn't him. You sound totally callous and nasty.

All this 'be careful' nonsense from posters is bizarre. Be careful of what? Drowning in his sea of tears?

If he was at yours constantly and being aggressive or excessive or demanding then fine but what really has he done to rattle you?

Get a grip on yourself. By all means get a Ring camera and avoid him entirely.

I agree with this. I don't see the problem here.

Maddy70 · 18/04/2024 10:41

He just sounds like a grieving son. Not weird at all

Toastjusttoast · 18/04/2024 10:51

You have a low bar for batshit! He doesn’t sound bad. So he was tearful-he is grieving so this is normal. Asking for water was a modest request.🤷🏼‍♀️