Batshit Next Door Neighbour

[ineedastrongercoffee]

We've lived in our house 11 years. Next door neighbour was an elderly lady on her own, she eventually moved into a care home and the house was put on the market. Sadly she died during the house being sold so it's taking ages and ages for the sale to go through.

A few weeks ago her son turns up. I've never seen him in all the time we've lived there. He came asking to take some pictures of his mums house from our garden. He started crying and was clearly upset. I did allow him to take some pictures but it was mainly from our drive.

A few days ago he comes again and speaks to my husband. Again he got upset and said that he'd be back later in the day to take a video of the house, and could he take some more pictures now it was a sunny day. Husband thought he was a bit unhinged but agreed if it was just on our drive looking towards the house.

I was in my house on my own yesterday and again he knocked on the door. He's holding an empty water bottle, he asked if I would mind filling his water bottle as he wanted to take the water home with him (he lives in another city) and have a cup of tea made with him mum's water (next door neighbours have had the water turned off since the house went on the market).

Seriously how odd is this? I did agree but closed and locked the door whilst I fetched the water.

We're now getting a ring doorbell so if he knocks again I can bloody ignore it. I mean who does this?

I should add that I am certain that he is next door neighbours son, I was aware of the city he lived, his sister lives nearby too and he named them all in conversation.

I agree. If he was that close to his mother then why did the OP never once see him in 11 years.

Something very off and suspicious about this whole scenario.

You must have not experienced dysfunction, lucky you. I was nc with a family member, due to some circumstances I won’t go into. I was bereft when they passed. It was a complex set of emotions, that surprised even me, but in there was also grief about what could have been, the tragedy of it, all that had gone before.

dont judge people if you don’t know them or understand what they are going through.

im fairly sure when people saw me weeeping at the funeral they judged like you do

dont judge people if you don’t know them or understand what they are going through

Actually, I will judge his behaviour because it's making the OP uncomfortable and it's intrusive and odd. If he was simply weeping or upset I wouldnt.

We all have to judge other people's behaviours if we feel uncomfortable from someone's actions, thats literally how our brains work to keep us safe.

Ok, you do you.

Ok, you do you

I will- thank you! 😁

The photos I can sort of understand but the water thing makes no sense at all. Its not his mother's water, its yours.

I wouldn't like this at all, and it would make me suspicious of his motives. I think you are wise to get a ring doorbell. You've allowed him to take photos now so there is no reason for him to continually keep coming back (not to your house anyway, he will probably have to come back to his mums house if its going on the market obv). When my dad died, I didnt constantly knock on his neighbours doors because well, why would I?

My family member made stuffed bears from their dead mothers clothes and handed them out as gifts. Grief makes you do weird thungs

There’s a lot of very trusting people on this thread . My guess is that he doesn’t have official access because there is some dispute about inheritance . I worked at one point in a job where we dealt with wills and estates and there are a lot of red flags here. Taking photos of the property , from your garden probably because he doesn’t actually gave keys to access the actual property , performative grief , trying to get the neighbours onside. I would advise staying well out of it .

There are a lot of posters on this thread who would be ripe for the picking by emotional scammers.

Op recognises him and the son, and he hasn't asked for money. I can't see what he'd really gain from this, even if he was a scammer

I have a strained relationship with my mum. But I know for sure that when she dies I’ll miss the tea she pours from a teapot with extra bubbles. I can never replicate a cuppa like it!

I understand the strange behaviour

Yes he's probably grieving...he might even be 'unhinged' ...but don't forget you should NEVER ignore your feelings if he makes you uncomfortable.

You don't know him....

Empathy is important...self preservation is equally important x

He may not be a scammer. But the attitudes of some on this thread, essentially telling someone they’re not entitled to boundaries because someone must be going through a hard time, is clearly why so many emotional scams do work.

I’ve seen posts on here over the years from OP’s who have had a message from some long lost tour guide/taxi driver they met somewhere years ago, telling their sob story about how the wife has died or the children are ill, and they’re short of cash, and posters fall over themselves to tell that poster she would be unreasonable to not give them money. Even though those kinds of messages are 100% scams. But people get caught up in the emotion of it all, so much so that they can’t see the situation which is blatantly staring them in the face.

OP isn’t wrong to feel uncomfortable. Nothing about this adds up.

Taking pictures from the OP’s driveway/garden doesn’t make sense. I mean it’s not as if he needs to remember what the house looks like from the neighbours’ back garden since he wasn’t a regular in that back garden. So there was literally no reason to take those pictures, other than, as PP suggests, there are issues here and he doesn’t have right of access to the house to take pictures from there.

And the water isn’t his mum’s water. So no logic there either.

Taking pictures from the OP’s driveway/garden doesn’t make sense

No, it doesnt- why cant he take a photo from the front of the house- from his mum's garden? If I wanted to photograph my house, I'd do it from the front view, not from next door.

He may not be a scammer. But the attitudes of some on this thread, essentially telling someone they’re not entitled to boundaries because someone must be going through a hard time, is clearly why so many emotional scams do work

Exactly.

If the house has gone to probate it currently belongs to the solicitors dealing with the probate which could explain why he needs to take pictures from OP's garden.

I understand the water thing too. Water tastes different in different areas. I can't make tea the way my mum makes it, even with the same hard water, same teabag, etc but I have even less chance if I lived in a soft water area.

He doesn't sound batshit to me. He sounds like a grieving man, personally, I'd have more patience with him than OP does.

He doesn't sound batshit to me. He sounds like a grieving man, personally, I'd have more patience with him than OP does

He's been round three times now. How many more times is "reasonable"? they've done literally everything he's asked for and expressed appropriate sympathy for his loss, so clearly they do have patience for him.

Calling him batshit and talking about getting an expensive doorbell for the sole purpose of ignoring this man doesn't scream patience to me.

Again, so how many times is reasonable- 5, 7, 10? OP has every right to get a ring doorbell if she wants. Its making her uncomfortable now.

Personally I would have said no as soon as he wanted to take pictures from the garden.

He sounds the type to harass the new owners, I imagine they would also be called all sorts if they posted on here that they were uncomfortable with the previous owner’s son wanting water because it was his mother’s.

Yanbu simply because the guy is making you uncomfortable. A ring door bell is essential anyway I think for any home , so it's well worth the money.

talking about getting an expensive doorbell for the sole purpose of ignoring this man doesn't scream patience to me

Um, I think you'll find that impatience and security are the main reasons most people get a ring doorbell lol

1. Impatience- because they dont want to be answering the door to cold callers, people taking pointless surveys, people flogging their religion to others and the like
2. Security- so they can see who is at the door before they make a decision to answer it or not. Plus, its recorded so if there is any suspicious behaviour they have it on record.

I cant really see any other more noble reasons for getting a ring doorbell in the first place 😬