Tell me about your best friend please

[AmericanUgly]

Where did you meet? How old were you? How long have you been friends? What made you close? Have you ever fallen out or do you always get along? How often do you see each other?

I don't have one and I want to live vicariously through others tbh! Same as I don't have a close or loving family so I go on TikTok and watch videos of big families all reacting to a pregnancy announcements and things. I can't imagine that type of life.

Not what you asked, but I think you should stop living vicariously through others immediately, get off TikTok and focus on your own life. It doesn't make the remotest difference what other people's families or friends are like -- you only live with your own, and focusing on other people's makes precisely zero difference to your life. You can't reinvent your family of origin, obviously, and you can't magic up a best friend from scratch, but you are absolutely able to go and make friends, and some of these may develop into close friendships.

I wouldn't say I have one BF. I have a few close friends. Two of these, I've only known in the past few years. One from a baby group and the other from a hobby.

I have a friend who I thought was BF. Known her for 14 years but realised she is not someone I can rely on. We have a nice time when we hang out but she's not someone I'd turn to in a crisis.

It's not a case of one or the other though is it? I don't spend 24 hours a day on TikTok. Some people watch travel videos if they don't have the money or time or ability to travel.

Watching the videos makes me smile. I like seeing other people having that type of relationship, even though it doesn't change mine. It's nice.

I don’t really have regular friends because of my social anxiety but my DH is the best friend I’ve ever had. We spend pretty much every day together and he always wants to spend time with me. This is the first time I’ve ever had this as when I did have friends when I was younger they were always making plans without me and leaving me out. Even my own family, especially my sister would do this. So it’s amazing having someone who prefers to spend time with me over anyone else. We met when I was 18, 8 years ago and now we have a son together. I know it’s not entirely healthy relying on him so much, and I am trying to work on my mental health which will hopefully allow me to have other friends some day. But I’m so grateful to have my DH. My life is a million times better with him in it.

I would add that often the family you choose becomes as important as the family you're born with, if not more so..
So I agree that you might benefit from more interaction with people in RL, to develop friendships.

I met my closest friends, who have become my family, through shared values, mostly through environmental protests and paganism.
DS 1 has maintained his closest friendships from school.
DS 2 through being a member of a subculture.
DH through shared interests and hobbies (obviously, I'm not allowed to say what these are, this is Mumsnet!)

I have a best friend of 31 years. We met when we shared a house. We've had so many laughs over the years. I see her every couple of months and we're just so comfortable with each other. I adore her. She has so much love to give but hasn't met the right person for her yet. My heart breaks when she tells me how lonely she gets. Whoever gets her in the end is very lucky because she's perfect ☺️

We didn't speak for a few years when she moved away. I think I was hurting and thought it best to just shut myself away and not deal with it. But we've been back in touch for several years now and I'm not letting her get away again. We're not even that similar tbh but we can literally talk for hours about anything and everything 😊

@GettingtheElectric

Agree

I have friends, just not anyone I'm close to. Plenty of people to go for coffee with but nobody I'd tell anything personal to. I'm very reserved though so I don't think it's easy to get to know me.

My best friend is my sister. I’ve known her since I was 4 ❤️

No, but it removes time when you could be doing RL things you enjoy in the company of other people you will get to know, and who may in time become friends, and it takes away your focus on your own life. Do you really want to be on your deathbed and to think back on all the time you spent watching silly staged pregnancy announcements by the kind of people who film their pregnancy announcements so they can post them on TikTok? You're living vicariously, as you say yourself. Don't you want to actually live?

This is so lovely! thank you for sharing.

I actually have a few best friends, from different periods of my life, because I've moved around a lot. I think I'm very lucky. So I have four from school (both primary and secondary school). I've always kept in close touch with them. We meet up a couple of times a year, despite living at opposite ends of the country and Whatsapp a lot. I lost contact with one of them for several years - before the times of the internet, Whatsapp, Facebook etc so I had no idea how to contact her. The lack of contact was painful for me! I used to dream about being reunited with her! Then Facebook appeared and she tracked me down. We're now always in touch so I'm very happy.
Then at 20 I left my home town and made some very close friends in the new city. We also meet up a couple of times a year and we have Whatsapp groups etc. We know a lot about each other's lives as we share photos each day.
Then I moved again in my 30s - and also have one very close friend from that city and we meet up once a year for a decadent day of eating and drinking in London.
Finally I moved city again, 12 years ago and I have one very good friend in this city. We're both busy but meet for coffee and walks whenever we get the chance.
I consider all the above people my closest friends. I do have other friends who aren't so close but these are my best friends.

Again - it's not one or the other. I'm not missing out on anything apart from being bored on the loo most of the time. 😂I will never have a nice (birth) family so it's nice to see others who are. I enjoy it. I don't regret anything that makes me smile but thanks for the concern.

I have a best friend of 14 years. We actually met on netmums in one of those 'My baby is due in...' groups when we were born pregnant with our firsts. We live about an hour away from each other, visit one another, stay at each others homes, meet up at halfway points etc. We talk all day everyday with random rambling voice notes, drop everything to be at each other's side for any major life event and I wouldn't be without her

A lot of people spend a lot of time watching reality TV, which I consider a waste of time but other people seem to enjoy it. I don’t think we can judge how people spend their spare time, as long as it isn’t hurting anyone 🤷🏻‍♀️. It doesn’t mean the OP is spending all her time doing it.
I also don’t have a close family OP, it seems like another world to me!
I’ve known my best friend since we were 4. We’ve both lived all over the world since then but are still best friends. We now both have 3 children and our middle ones in particular are very good friends themselves.
We don’t fall out; if we do something that’s annoyed the other, we just talk about it and resolve it. We don’t see each other all the time as we both have jobs/kids/busy lives, but when we do we just carry on where we left off.

I am still close with my best friend from school. We met at 11 so 37 years. We’re probably not quite as close as we were years ago but that’s a lot to do with my chronic illnesses and her living around the world. We still message a lot though. And when we get together it’s like we’ve never been apart.

I have another 2 close friends. One I’ve had since my nearly 18 year old was at nursery. We still message regularly and pop out at times for meals and coffee. The other I would say I’m closest too, I’ve known for 20 years now. Met through work and stayed friends even when I had to give up and a lot of other friends fell by the way side. We mostly message but I can tell her everything. She’s often the first person I think of when I have news.

I used to compare myself unfavourably with some of my friends who had lots of different friendship groups, but I’m ok with that now. I’m close with my family and my husband’s family too so I have everything I need. I’m also in a group chat with some friends from school and, although not massively close, I love the interaction and occassionally see them too, illness permitting.

My best friend goes back 50 years to when we met at primary school. We both had difficult home lives and we bonded over that. We did everything together until we reached our 20's ,when I got married and she started travelling and studying . We have never fallen out but of course our lives have gone in different directions over time. We only catch up every couple of years , because we live 4,000km apart . We talk by text and email every couple of weeks , so we always know how things are going.

I just want to give you a hug after reading that!

I've never had a 'best friend' and I'm 52. I have dear, close friends but never a single special friend.

I remember, as a child, DSis had a BF, then we moved away and then she met BIL and she's just been so close knit with her family and new BFs since.

I've since moved away from that place to somewhere I didn't know anyone and have made friends with incredible women. But I don't have, and have never had, a 'best friend'. But I'm blessed with many fabulous friends.

I have two very good friends.
One I met in sixth form 26 years ago, and she's been consistently marvellous and lovely and I love her.

The other I met in a therapy group for women who had been trafficked into prostitution and we started doing things together, and now I can't imagine life without her, we go on holiday, day trips, coffee every week and to each others house for dinner. She's like a big sister and a confidante. She's great.

Lovely stories! It's nice hearing about that kind of closeness.

My DH is definitely my best friend, and I'm also very close with my lovely daughters (but I'm a little wary of that as they're both teens and I don't want to put any pressure on them).

I had a bestie when I was much younger whom I met at my first job, and really enjoyed the closeness, but she moved abroad and it didn't stand up to the long distance unfortunately. Fault on both sides (and neither really). Lovely for a time though.

We met at uni, we were besties for 30 years and then she died. That was 10 years ago and I still miss her every day. Cherish your friends ❤️

I met my best friend 25 years ago when we worked together. She is hilarious and we seem to share the same warped sense of humour. I know that she understands me and she knows my likes and dislikes. She can be really annoying at times and has pissed me off a few times over the years but I will never stop being her friend and I know she likes me and would never stop being my friend. It's just easy with her, I don't have to try. I can also be very annoying.

We met at primary school. Shared values, shared sense of humour, trustworthy and wise. We even looked a bit alike, and people would mistake us for sisters.

I moved away, but we stayed in touch by hours long phone calls, and WhatsApp messages.

We were best friends for just under 50 years until she died when her cancer suddenly reappeared, after years of being cancer free. It's a grief like no other. I'm an only child and she knew me better than anyone else. All our shared history, childhood, being a teenager, relationships, marriage, raising children, bereavements, divorce, ill health, happiness, sadness, so much of our lives were shared. I was very lucky.

It truly is such a loss isn’t it - she knew what I was thinking before I did, she was that 3am friend who would come when I needed her, and me to her. I held her hand as she drew her last breath. I loved her so much ❤️