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Original poster

My dog has died

90 replies

Namechangedforshame · 09/04/2024 19:58

she was only 9. She had cancer. I don't know how long she was masking the pain of it, but when we realised the vet said no hope, do it very soon. So that happened, 36 hours later, here in our living room. She knew she was dying. She kissed us both goodbye, and then lay down where she used to lie, by my feet, and let it happen.
I have never felt such grief. Not with parents, friends, other pets. Not when I lost a baby early. (This is why I changed my name.) I don't know what to do with it all. She was the thing I loved most in the world and in the end, I couldn't help her.
There's no one in the real world I can tell about this last month. So I'm writing it here.

OP posts:
Sparticle · 09/04/2024 20:01

I am so so sorry for your loss. I'm afraid I don't know what else to say but I couldn't read and run. Flowers

Koptforitagain · 09/04/2024 20:01

I understand, I really do. Sending love and hugs xx🐾💔

SevenSeasOfRhye · 09/04/2024 20:03

I'm so sorry. My dog was old, but died suddenly and the shock and grief was overwhelming. It's something only time can ease. I do urge you to talk about it, especially with other pet owners, and let your feelings out. It also helped me to write my feelings down, and to make a little memorial in the form of a photo-collage and a lock of my dog's hair, which we have on the wall in the living room.

reallyworriedjobhunter · 09/04/2024 20:04

I completely understand. I am so so sorry.

If it is any consolation, she was able to pass at home with you close by. That would have been of huge comfort to her.

PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 09/04/2024 20:06

Oh, god. It's a terrible, terrible grief. Thinking of you. The old Queen said, 'Grief is the price we pay for love.' We love dogs so much, and they love us with such pure and true love, that the grief is often overwhelming. ❤️

Dogball · 09/04/2024 20:07

So sorry. Some people won’t understand but others completely will. It is massively devastating.
It will get easier with time.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/04/2024 20:07

So sorry op, it’s so tough.

CatamaranViper · 09/04/2024 20:08

I often think that dogs are so pure, unproblematic and loving, they're a happy constant in our lives. They keep us going when we feel down and ask for very little in return. They're an emotional crutch at times, a playful companion, a reason to keep going. They are, of course, a pain in the arse too, but we wouldn't have it any other way. They are also the perfect hype boy/girl. If you're in a good mood, they're in a good mood. If you're in a bad mood they'll work to cheer you up.

It's an overwhelming feeling when they go because it feels like something so stable and always has vanished.

I really feel for you OP. Sending so much love and hugs

Pancakeorcrepe · 09/04/2024 20:12

It’s so devastating when they go. It really is rotten.

Darklane · 09/04/2024 20:14

There’s no pain like it. I’m so very sorry. I do understand.
You may like to check out the doghouse under pets further down the list of boards on here. There are so many of us there who are, or have been, going through the same grief 💐

Original poster
Namechangedforshame · 09/04/2024 20:15

Thank you. I don't know what to do with this empty house tonight. And she is here in the pattern of all my thoughts. I forget so often, I just an hour ago thought I would get her out while it was still light, and I make sure the garden gate is shut and I change her water and all these things catch me unawares, over and over. She was worth every ache and tear but I can't bear to think how she knew, and couldn't tell us, and how much it must have hurt.
And I want another dog. Which feels wicked. It must be 30 years though, since I didn't have a cat or dog about. I wish she would come back.

OP posts:
TheNoodlesIncident · 09/04/2024 20:15

It's so shit OP, I'm sorry. Please don't feel you let her down and couldn't help her. You gave her good times for years and did the best you could for her in her final hours. It sounds like she was ready to go, you did the kindest and most responsible thing you could for her.

It sucks so much. Remember you had good times together.

Keepstring · 09/04/2024 20:17

Sending much love and hugs xx

SlothCat · 09/04/2024 20:17

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I'm in a very similar position to you at the moment, lost a young cat to cancer a few weeks back. Totally unexpected, was fine one day and the next she had symptoms and died a few days later. We did everything we could but there was nothing we could do. It was awful and again, like you, the initial shock was worse than any human relatives I've had die. Which sounds awful but you can't help your reaction to things.

As someone else says, they're constants in your life, always there at home for you. She was the first person I saw every morning and the last at night. The person to greet me at the door whenever I came home. So suddenly to not have them there is a massive shock. People who don't have pets, or who aren't close to them will never understand how awful it is to lose them. They'll never understand how pets with their little habits, ways and needs work your way into your routines and daily considerations. I think all you can think is that you gave her a lovely life for the time she was with you and she brought a huge amount of happiness to your life.

iloveshetlandponies · 09/04/2024 20:18

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

your love for her shines out of your post xxx

Nicetobenice67 · 09/04/2024 20:19

Sending hugs this put a tear in my eye I’m so sorry

SevenSeasOfRhye · 09/04/2024 20:19

It's not wicked at all to want to fill the dog-shaped space in your life; you are clearly someone with so much love to give to a dog. You will know when the time is right to think about another dog.

Justlovedogs · 09/04/2024 20:20

There is no shame, OP. Been there, done that several times and it hurts just as much each time. Sending you love and hugs from me and both of my two Flowers

My dog has died
LizzeyBenett · 09/04/2024 20:20

I'm really sorry I lost mine 6 years ago she was everything to me and it still overwhelms to this day. I prayed and prayed for her to go herself but in the end I had to make the choice and it was traumatic to say the least. Just know they aren't in pain anymore x

tillyandmilly · 09/04/2024 20:22

Thinking of you - heart wrenching 💔- 💐

peloton2024 · 09/04/2024 20:22

I'm so so sorry

When I lost my horse it was like being homesick but home wasn't there any more. I cried so much even my teeth hurt and I didn't think there were any more tears

I'm a few years on now and it gets not easier but.... less raw
Flowers

IggysPop · 09/04/2024 20:22

It is a terrible grief. I remember my dad saying he felt worse than when his mother died.

Be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve properly. Send you lots of love.

TinyKittenPaw · 09/04/2024 20:23

I’m so sad for you OP.

Think about the joy and love she brought into your home and what an absolutely wonderful life you gave her and the very compassionate passing she had with you in her favourite place. She may not have known she was passing in the way you think she did if that helps? And she may not have been masking pain (obviously that would always be our worst fear as pet owners,) but you would have known her so well and it would have been hard to hide from you - you sound so attentive of her.

It could have been that she was struggling a bit but didn’t know how serious it was and was snuggling down to sleep rather than being aware of anything else?

saveforthat · 09/04/2024 20:23

Just posting to say how sorry I am for your loss and I completely understand how the grief is different to losing a family member. Dogs give you unconditional love and very few people do that. Maybe your Mother if you are lucky . ❤️

Megjobethamy · 09/04/2024 20:23

God, I am so sorry..Animals are just so joyful and bring such happiness and companionship to our lives. In time perhaps you will be happy that she passed away amongst people who loved her and gain comfort from that FlowersFlowers