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Original poster

My dog has died

90 replies

Namechangedforshame · 09/04/2024 19:58

she was only 9. She had cancer. I don't know how long she was masking the pain of it, but when we realised the vet said no hope, do it very soon. So that happened, 36 hours later, here in our living room. She knew she was dying. She kissed us both goodbye, and then lay down where she used to lie, by my feet, and let it happen.
I have never felt such grief. Not with parents, friends, other pets. Not when I lost a baby early. (This is why I changed my name.) I don't know what to do with it all. She was the thing I loved most in the world and in the end, I couldn't help her.
There's no one in the real world I can tell about this last month. So I'm writing it here.

OP posts:
ZaraEarrings · 09/04/2024 20:24

I am so sorry.

I once read something which made the pain easier. I can’t remember exactly how it was worded, but it was something like at least they don’t have to live without us, that their shorter life expectancy means that we let them go first. I took comfort from that

You did a kind and loving thing for her, and she went knowing that xx

MajorFaff · 09/04/2024 20:25

I'm so sorry for your loss. As others have said, you either get it or you don't. We get it.
My two cats are my little buddies and they're always around me when I'm at home. So sweet and loving, and cheeky. I've had dogs in the past too and they are even better (sorry cats!). Unconditional love and complete trust. Pets are amazing.

I know you said you couldn't help her but in a way you did. You did the very best thing for her, the kindest thing, even though it was harder for you. That's love.

EffinMagicFairy · 09/04/2024 20:26

So very sorry, we lost our lab under similar circumstances, other people’s reactions are always a difficult one when you lose an animal, the ones that don’t get dogs/animals, and the ones that know exactly the pain you are going through, the loss of a loved pet that’s lived with you is immense, leaves a huge gap, one that takes time to heal and you learn to live with. Take care & comfort that there are people who get what you are going through 💐

Lemonbell · 09/04/2024 20:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
Namechangedforshame · 09/04/2024 20:29

SlothCat I am so sorry about your little cat.

OP posts:
doodleygirl · 09/04/2024 20:31

It’s just awful, the pain is so intense, I’m so sorry for your loss.

Newnameshoos · 09/04/2024 20:31

Oh lovely, sending you hugs and thoughts. It's the hardest love act we do for our fur babies.
Our old dog died about 18 mths ago. Like yours, he had cancer but no symptoms until one day he yelped with pain, and the vet found very advanced tumours. I'm not sure if dogs are stoic or if they don't feel pain like we do. Please don't feel bad that you didn't see his illness earlier.

Blanketison · 09/04/2024 20:33

I’m so sorry for your loss OP, I understand. I think @CatamaranViper covered it beautifully, they are just there in a way no one else is. I’m glad she passed with you near in her safe place. Hugs xxx

Dogball · 09/04/2024 20:33

Yes you don’t realise how often you think about them or make tiny adjustments to your day for them-I remember still being careful about where I put my feet getting out of bed for weeks after ours died because I was so used to being careful not to step on her.
And it’s not wicked at all to want another dog. It’s not a replacement.

stockpilingallthecheese · 09/04/2024 20:36

I'm so sorry for your loss. We went through the same earlier this year and it was absolutely heartbreaking. I still can't speak about it without crying and I think about het and get emotional several times a day every day. We knew it was the right thing but still struggle with guilt of what we actually did to her. I'm so so sorry you're going through this too. What's helped me a little is finding lovely photos of her to put up in the house, and planting a tree in her memory. I chat away to her all the time, like a crazy person Grin although it's still tough it's getting slowly less painful so I hope you're feeling a little better soon Flowers

TangerinePlate · 09/04/2024 20:38

I’m sorry for your loss. Big hug ((()))

funnyonionn · 09/04/2024 20:42

I am so so sorry for your devastating loss. Let people do get it. It sounds as though you were a wonderful human for her, and she loved you greatly.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 09/04/2024 20:42

So sorry for your loss. I know this pain well :(

Having done it more than once - I can say it hurts even more to be dogless altogether.

It isn't that your lost dog can be replaced - just that having a dog is such comfort in time of pain and trouble. This is a terrible time to be without that comfort.

ColonelRhubarbBikini · 09/04/2024 20:42

I am so so sorry for your loss. We lost our wonderful smelly old girl very quickly a few years ago and I still feel the sharp pangs of grief very regularly. I read something that helped and I’m paraphrasing here but it was

‘We feel this awful pain so that they feel none. They slipped away happy and loved and we take on the pain they would’ve felt had we not done the right thing for them’

I know nothing can truly help but I hope that gives you a small amount of comfort. Sending you a big unmumsnetty hug.

Original poster
Namechangedforshame · 09/04/2024 20:43

I do talk to her when I'm alone. It's just that for once I have the house empty of people so I can cry in peace without being told about my performative grieving. There's a little bowl of milk by the fire for her. Her bed is still here. I open and close the door in case she wants to come in or out. Dogball I do that getting out of bed too, she slept pressed up close to my bed.
This is a stupid question. Forgive me.
Do they ever come back, do you think? Will we ever, in real life, not rainbow bridge life, but maybe sometime, be with them again?
I can't seem to accept it. Her muddy blue lead still hangs over the stairs. Her box of Bonios is only just started.

OP posts:
Doratheexplorer1 · 09/04/2024 20:44

Namechangedforshame · 09/04/2024 19:58

she was only 9. She had cancer. I don't know how long she was masking the pain of it, but when we realised the vet said no hope, do it very soon. So that happened, 36 hours later, here in our living room. She knew she was dying. She kissed us both goodbye, and then lay down where she used to lie, by my feet, and let it happen.
I have never felt such grief. Not with parents, friends, other pets. Not when I lost a baby early. (This is why I changed my name.) I don't know what to do with it all. She was the thing I loved most in the world and in the end, I couldn't help her.
There's no one in the real world I can tell about this last month. So I'm writing it here.

Oh my love. I’m so sorry. She knew you loved her and that is the most wonderful thing. She must have been ready to go. It’s harder for you because you are left behind. But to have had her at all is a blessing. I know that doesn’t make it easier. The price we pay for love is loss. But she’s up there in pet heaven. Waiting for her Mama. You’re a wonderful person to feel this deeply for her and you did help her. She was ready to go and she knew you loved her. So she went to sleep knowing she was safe. You loved her and that was everything she needed. I know none of that helps. Sending you all the best wishes ever. I’m sorry.

Riverlee · 09/04/2024 20:44

Sorry for your loss.

WickWood · 09/04/2024 20:46

I'm so very sorry.

NCFTS · 09/04/2024 20:51

I’m so sorry for your loss, your post brought tears to my eyes.
I think as a pp said, it hurts more with our pets because they love us unconditionally (unlike most people), and they are always happy to see us.
Your dog was very lucky to have you because it sounds like your dog had a lot of love from you.

Newnameshoos · 09/04/2024 20:52

Do they ever come back?

I'm sure that they do. Our old dog was the absolute image of one of the dogs I knew when I was young. In both looks and temperament. I think souls can be reincarnated, yes.
I've also, from time to time, seen a wee bundle of black fur out the corner of my eye but when I stop and look there's nothing. I've also seen a child in the same way. We have two dogs who lived with our old dog. Every now and again they sit apart from each other as though our old dog is sat in between them as he used to do. Especially when we are having his favourite food!
If you are sensing your doggie around you, he's there. He's probably listening to you as you speak to him.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 09/04/2024 20:53

Our darling cat was diagnosed with cancer last week, and is going for her final vet visit on Thursday. I feel like my heart is actually breaking, and I am going to miss her so, so much. I get it, OP, and I am so sorry for you, and everyone else who has lost a precious companion.

MrsMitford3 · 09/04/2024 20:55

when our darling boy died my DD said it is amazing how a small dog can fill a house and leave it so empty when he is gone.

when we went to the vet and said he has only just been poorly the vet said no they mask pain for so long- your darling dog at peace now. X

Original poster
Namechangedforshame · 09/04/2024 20:56

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 09/04/2024 20:53

Our darling cat was diagnosed with cancer last week, and is going for her final vet visit on Thursday. I feel like my heart is actually breaking, and I am going to miss her so, so much. I get it, OP, and I am so sorry for you, and everyone else who has lost a precious companion.

I am so sorry that you have to make that journey.

OP posts:
JuneFromBethesda · 09/04/2024 20:57

Please don’t feel ashamed of your grief, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Your dog was very precious and very much loved.

My dog died last year, like @SevenSeasOfRhye‘s dog she was old
but it was a sudden illness and the shock and grief was, still is, very raw.

I’m so sorry OP. I bought myself a bracelet with my dog’s name engraved on it, and I wear it most days. It’s not much but it helps me a little ❤️

Brightandbubly · 09/04/2024 20:57

Dogs are so much better than humans, I am so sorry I love my dog with all my being and when it’s his time I will grieve exactly the same way as a family member. Sending love to you through this v difficult times

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