Poor relation in the family... I want to show them my lovely children are just as good😥

[Primroseoil]

My mothers side of the family grew up to all be very affluent.. My father was a heavy drinker in the 80s & my mother worked very hard to keep things afloat but we were very poor.
I went off the rails in my teens but got on track in my 20s.
Now I'm married with three lovely children but my own families legacy has never left & we are still viewed as the poor, uneducated relations.

We see these cousins at gatherings etc that I attend with my mum, they still look at us in destain..
I am motivated now to show them that my children are every bit as good.
Any advice is appreciated but please be kind😊

I think your train of thoughts have very much been tainted by your mother's comments. Your mum has always told you the wider family look down on your little family so you believe it. You perhaps separate yourself because you don't feel good enough. We certainly have this in our family, and I think everyone does.

I do think some people cling to how they regard others in the family if it suits their narrative about themselves. Even if there have been real changes.

There tends to be a dynamic within families whereby they pigeonhole members by an early event or experience. What you do or how you change after that is irrelevant because they already have you in this box.

As an example, one of my cousins is always seen as adventurous as she went backpacking one summer - despite the fact that since then she's done her best to live as quiet a life as possible. She actually is a bit of a hermit and I think has a touch of agoraphobia.

Similarly, out with family at a restaurant one day I ordered a vegetarian meal (not a vegetarian, just what I fancied) and my uncle burst out laughing and asked how I'll eat that as I don't like vegetables! Yeah, when I was four I didn't like eating greens - by this time I was in my thirties, had lived on four continents, been divorced, had a successful career etc etc. Things change but no, apparently in the eyes of family members I still don't like vegetables 🙄.

It's the same for you. When you were younger they assigned you a role or position. You could have married into royalty, discovered the secret of perpetual motion and singlehandedly saved the world, and you would still be seen as the person you were at some point when they set in stone their vision of you.

Apart from that, everyone else is absolutely correct. This situation is not worth the headspace you are giving it. Keep living your best life and feel smug because you're a much nicer person than they are.