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Original poster

Adoption shower ideas

313 replies

CraftyC · 07/04/2024 07:50

I have offered to host an adoption shower for my best friend. They have been going through the UK adoption system for nearly 2 years and will be taking a 1 year old girl home mid May. The mum to be knows about the shower and is incredibly excited.

However all the ideas for games I have seen are pregnancy related. Does anyone have any ideas what games/activities I can do with the 15 guests in my house that doesn't mention pregnancy? Any other tips for hosting this shower to make it special for her?

Thanks

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 07/04/2024 10:09

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2024 10:08

We are allowed to say we think it isn't a good idea. We are allowed to say we don't think baby showers generally translate well into British culture and even more so when it is an adoption.

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You don’t need to keep banging on about it though, derailing a thread with no actual input. Is that a no to game ideas then?

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2024 10:10

Purplevioletsherbert · 07/04/2024 10:08

It sounds like the OPs friend already has a timeline for when marching panel is and when the introductions starts. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the adopter taking an afternoon to celebrate with friends and family in this period. They’ll have been preparing for a very, very long time. Let them celebrate without your judgement.

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Ok it isn't ratified then is it ? Matches do get turned down at panel. For me personally I wouldn't want to celebrate when there is still so much uncertainty

TeaKitten · 07/04/2024 10:11

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2024 10:10

Ok it isn't ratified then is it ? Matches do get turned down at panel. For me personally I wouldn't want to celebrate when there is still so much uncertainty

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I think you wouldn’t want to celebrate no matter how it was going. OPs friend does want to celebrate though, which is her choice.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Purplevioletsherbert · 07/04/2024 10:13

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2024 10:10

Ok it isn't ratified then is it ? Matches do get turned down at panel. For me personally I wouldn't want to celebrate when there is still so much uncertainty

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Good thing no one’s talking about throwing you and adoption shower then isn’t it?

Of course matches do get declined at panel but it is rare, and any decent social worker will know that there is a risk ahead of time and will inform the adopters. At the time that you are linked, you can safely start sorting the house, buying the buggy etc

Why are you against people celebrating? Would you be telling a pregnant woman that she shouldn’t have a baby shower because the baby might be stillborn? Would you tell new parents not to celebrate their child’s birth because of the risk of cot death?

Josette77 · 07/04/2024 10:13

soupfiend · 07/04/2024 10:09

In my experience, it does show unrealistic expectations and its not child centred. Any party type thing for the adults involved, is about it being about the adults needs.
It sets up a tone that may not be mirrored by the reality, its not something that would be encouraged or supported in my team, the world of the adopters and the child needs to be really really small, Ive seen the impact of things like this over and over in my career and despite advice to the contrary these types of things go ahead and in those families, in my experience is a higher risk of fragility.

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It's ok for adults to need a fun baby party.

The more people who love and support the new parents, the more successful the new family will be.

Surely you and your team are aware of that?

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2024 10:14

Games:
Well OP could just google but:
Who am I ?
Blind fold nappy change ( on a doll) with a platicine poo
Name that song ( play 2 secs intro)
Match the flag to the Country.

Purplevioletsherbert · 07/04/2024 10:15

@soupfiend the world of the adopters and the child will be very small, which is why this celebration is being planned before the baby comes home. Why should adopters keep their world small before then? What benefit is there?

AngelsWithSilverWings · 07/04/2024 10:16

I've adopted two babies. I never wanted a baby shower personally but my friend who adopted her baby 6 months after me had one which was arranged by her best friend. It took place a week or two before the placement/introduction process started.

It was a lovely chilled out evening. Lovely age appropriate gifts and toys were bought for the baby and we had cocktails and nice food. We didn't have games as far as I recall but there may have been some sort of picture quiz.

I honestly don't understand why the fact that it's an adoption is causing so much concern for people. It's just a get together with friends at the end of the day.

KoolKookaburra · 07/04/2024 10:16

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2024 10:05

this is a public forum people ask all sorts of questions. If you must know I have the child's best interests in mind .

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Right but this is a thread about party game ideas.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2024 10:17

Purplevioletsherbert · 07/04/2024 10:13

Good thing no one’s talking about throwing you and adoption shower then isn’t it?

Of course matches do get declined at panel but it is rare, and any decent social worker will know that there is a risk ahead of time and will inform the adopters. At the time that you are linked, you can safely start sorting the house, buying the buggy etc

Why are you against people celebrating? Would you be telling a pregnant woman that she shouldn’t have a baby shower because the baby might be stillborn? Would you tell new parents not to celebrate their child’s birth because of the risk of cot death?

Edited
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Actually yes, I think it"s bad luck to give gifts ahead of the birth. I didn't buy cot sheets till 37 weeks, but I have worked on labour ward and in NICU, I have a warpped perspective I am only comfortable celebrating a baby's safe arrival.

KoolKookaburra · 07/04/2024 10:18

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2024 10:17

Actually yes, I think it"s bad luck to give gifts ahead of the birth. I didn't buy cot sheets till 37 weeks, but I have worked on labour ward and in NICU, I have a warpped perspective I am only comfortable celebrating a baby's safe arrival.

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No you don't. Lots of people feel like this. However OP's friend wants a party and OP is asking for game ideas. Not if she needs to try and talk her friend out of it

Alaina7 · 07/04/2024 10:19

Baby showers are usually pretty awful, but given the circumstances I can see why you want to celebrate - fair enough.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2024 10:19

TeaKitten · 07/04/2024 10:11

I think you wouldn’t want to celebrate no matter how it was going. OPs friend does want to celebrate though, which is her choice.

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How weird, of course I celebrated my own and family and friend's becoming parents.

Ted27 · 07/04/2024 10:20

@Neurodiversitydoctor

You are also overthinking this. It's just a party being organised by a friend. The new mum will just turn up and enjoy having a bit of a fuss made about her new family. If she has a DH I hope he goes out for a pint with his mates.
Yes it's a busy time between panel and intros but a bit of down time can only be of benefit

Shitzngiggles · 07/04/2024 10:23

I adopted my beautiful children. Stop fucking calling them damaged!! How dare you.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2024 10:23

Fair enough, not sure why the gender divide though, hopefully they are adopting/ celebrating together. I understand that for women about to undergo childbirth it's different and more of a female only space.

ButterflyKu · 07/04/2024 10:23

MariaVT65 · 07/04/2024 08:42

There is a massive difference between silly and cringey.

Do I want to play charades? Yes i do! (op that’s a great idea actually!)

Do i want to sniff chocolate out of a nappy or taste baby food blindfolded? Absolutely not and i have declined to take part in these games before.

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Well it’s a good thing that you’re not invited ey!

Purplevioletsherbert · 07/04/2024 10:23

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2024 10:17

Actually yes, I think it"s bad luck to give gifts ahead of the birth. I didn't buy cot sheets till 37 weeks, but I have worked on labour ward and in NICU, I have a warpped perspective I am only comfortable celebrating a baby's safe arrival.

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I have two friends whose babies were stillborn past 40 weeks. I think it’s shocking that you went out and bought things at 37 weeks when there was so much uncertainty. I bet you got excited about the baby too before they were even born? Disgraceful.

Tereseta · 07/04/2024 10:25

I think this is a lovely idea! We are adoptive parents but didn't have time for any of this as we ended up doing Foster to adopt and had 1 weeks notice of our dd arriving!
I would do a parenting advice card that could be put into a book, toy sorting game, favourite places to take kids- each bring a suggestion to collect together, sorting out lego, guess the baby photo of the attendees.

I think it is lovely you are organising this as sometimes people don't know how to celebrate adoption with the parents to be. After the long process this is the where the excitement is starting to build!

theduchessofspork · 07/04/2024 10:25

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2024 10:04

Ok, so in my bit of the UK " matching" happens at an adoption panel where the decision to place the child with the prospective adopters. This is usually a gradual process of meetings and increasing periods of care over a few weeks culminating in the child " moving" into the adopter's home. Once the decision is made it is normally only a few days until this process starts. I would hope that the adopters would be spending this time getting the house ready, finishing up work projects and resting rather than having a " shower". After introductions have started it would be wholly inappropriate to have this type of event. So I too am struggling to see how this would fit into the model of adoption I am familiar with. Baby showers usually happen around 28-34 weeks I believe before the period of intense preparation starts, there is no such equivalent time point for UK adopters currently.

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Who knows what the OP’s friend’s process is. You don’t, she doesn’t, I don’t.

What we do know is that a small party for friends before the baby arrives is normal and fine, and very compatible with anything else that might be going on in life.

We should also trust that if this woman has been approved as an adopter in the Uk, the chances are she has had good education as an adopter and can make appropriate decisions.

What we know for certain is her friend does not need your full throttle wisdom on adoption.

Your obsessiveness is odd and inappropriate on this thread.

Tereseta · 07/04/2024 10:27

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2024 10:17

Actually yes, I think it"s bad luck to give gifts ahead of the birth. I didn't buy cot sheets till 37 weeks, but I have worked on labour ward and in NICU, I have a warpped perspective I am only comfortable celebrating a baby's safe arrival.

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In this case the baby is already safely here and has been for some time...

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2024 10:28

Well baby did need something to sleep in! My overwhelming feeling throughout pregnancy ( unplanned) was anxiety ( about something going wrong, about how hard parenting might be, about the birth, about money) no I don't think I was happy/excited. As I say it was coloured by my experiences and I am sure very different if pregnancy is fuffiling a longstanding desire tohave a baby.Not sure my experiences are relevant to this however.

Shitzngiggles · 07/04/2024 10:28

Josette77 · 07/04/2024 09:04

DAMAGED for life?!

Thanks?

This is deeply offensive.

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Isn't it just. My children, now adults , are far from damaged. Some people need to wind their bloody necks in.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 07/04/2024 10:29

You would generally only consider celebrating after matching panel and after the placement planning meeting. If the process is still the same as it was when I adopted mine we had a few weeks after the placement planning meeting to get the house ready , have a nice romantic weekend away and have a few nights out with friends before we got caught up with parenting. That's the time when a baby shower could happen.

You don't want loads of visitors coming and bringing gifts in the early weeks/months of placement so having friends get together and do that as a group before placement actually works better.

We had a lovely big celebration hearing day with close friends and family when the adoption was finalised in court - which was 5 months after placement.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 07/04/2024 10:29

We should also trust that if this woman has been approved as an adopter in the Uk, the chances are she has had good education as an adopter and can make appropriate decisions.

I wish this was true....