Adoption shower ideas

[CraftyC]

I have offered to host an adoption shower for my best friend. They have been going through the UK adoption system for nearly 2 years and will be taking a 1 year old girl home mid May. The mum to be knows about the shower and is incredibly excited.

However all the ideas for games I have seen are pregnancy related. Does anyone have any ideas what games/activities I can do with the 15 guests in my house that doesn't mention pregnancy? Any other tips for hosting this shower to make it special for her?

Thanks

I think people have just seen "adoption" and decided to go off on one

Exactly, it is fair enough that the OP does't know any of this- why should she ? But the prospective adopters really should, adopting a one year old is a serious and adult bussiness, a night out ( or in) with friends is of course a lovely idea, but games and gifts adapted from those for a expectant mother are wholly inappropriate IMO . It worries me that the prospective mother does not see this.

As the woman who is adopting comes from the US, get the guests to see how many of the 50 states they can name in say ten minutes.

I already explained, but again, the OP says 'before the child arrives but after it is legally ratified'

That doesnt make sense in the UK

And in addition to that, I set out why placement fragility can occur where the tone of the process is coloured by high expectations and a party vibe (for want of a better expression) about the process

The two link together because in the UK the child would be living with the adopters at the time of it being 'legally ratified' - ie the adoption order is made AFTER the child is placed. At that point and only at that point do the adopters become the legal parents of the child.

yes, this, is it an international adoption ?

What is the point in your posts?

The OP is organising a party for her friend before the baby arrives - you know, because that’s how baby showers work.

She is not involved in the adoption so no one needs you to show off your knowledge of the adoption system because it’s not relevant to the thread.

The OP won’t have a clue about birth parent meetings or anything else.

Stop being ridiculous.

I adopted a one year old, I don’t have a single photo before the age of 14 months.

My understanding is American cultural norms around adoption are very different to the U.K.. this new mother may be coming from a totally different place on this.

Right... Except...

The Mum wants a shower, the OP is giving a shower.

And presumably they know the situation well enough to decide these things.

YOU however are merely speculating.

Why don’t you just suggest party games for both eventualities and then move on with your day.

Jesus, will you stop it?

It’s neither your nor the OP’s business if it’s an international adoption or not. The OP is not the parent and may or may not have picked up the wrong end of the stick about the legal process.

It doesn’t matter. The OP is organising a baby shower, not adopting a baby.

Wanting a baby shower does not indicate unrealistic expectations - it’s a small celebration before the arrival of the child, and it’s normal.

You must be seriously insecure to need to show off like this.

Lol WHY IS THAT YOUR BUSINESS?

I like this idea!

Ok, so in my bit of the UK " matching" happens at an adoption panel where the decision to place the child with the prospective adopters. This is usually a gradual process of meetings and increasing periods of care over a few weeks culminating in the child " moving" into the adopter's home. Once the decision is made it is normally only a few days until this process starts. I would hope that the adopters would be spending this time getting the house ready, finishing up work projects and resting rather than having a " shower". After introductions have started it would be wholly inappropriate to have this type of event. So I too am struggling to see how this would fit into the model of adoption I am familiar with. Baby showers usually happen around 28-34 weeks I believe before the period of intense preparation starts, there is no such equivalent time point for UK adopters currently.

have you got any ideas for games for the party though?

I’m pretty sure the OP means once the match has been formally agreed at panel. The OP is not adopting so is unlikely to know the proper terminology for this, given her a break!

this is a public forum people ask all sorts of questions. If you must know I have the child's best interests in mind .

In which case think it's a terrible idea as outlined above.

@Neurodiversitydoctor

None of that matters.

Your adoption information doesn't matter.

The mom would like a baby shower.

What do you have to add to this conversation?

Please stop.

It's uncomfortable as an adoptee.

It is very rare when it goes to final panel that they say no. Obviously the shower would be before intros start.

It sounds like the OPs friend already has a timeline for when marching panel is and when the introductions starts. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the adopter taking an afternoon to celebrate with friends and family in this period. They’ll have been preparing for a very, very long time. Let them celebrate without your judgement.

We are allowed to say we think it isn't a good idea. We are allowed to say we don't think baby showers generally translate well into British culture and even more so when it is an adoption.

Really?

Well, good news!!!

The baby won't be at the party!!! Just the mom will be!!!!

Phew, glad we can all now move on.

In my experience, it does show unrealistic expectations and its not child centred. Any party type thing for the adults involved, is about it being about the adults needs.
It sets up a tone that may not be mirrored by the reality, its not something that would be encouraged or supported in my team, the world of the adopters and the child needs to be really really small, Ive seen the impact of things like this over and over in my career and despite advice to the contrary these types of things go ahead and in those families, in my experience is a higher risk of fragility.

@soupfiend

You are really overthinking this.

It's a opportunity for this new mum to have a bit of fun with her mates before she gets bogged down in the day to day stuff of motherhood.
I adopted an 8 year old. I had a night out with my mates. I got a few presents for him, and lots of love, warmth and good wishes for me.

One of my friends got me some 'It's a boy' balloons and card. The balloons were still going the day I brought him home. He loved them, thought it was great that mummy had friends who were happy for us and wanted to mark the occassion. That was 12 years ago this week. Every year we have balloons with the number on them and we go our for dinner. Even though he is 20, he still loves that we mark the occassion. Every single year, even the really tough years when he was in therapy.
Adoption is a long hard journey. We all start off in hope. The successs of our family was not made fragile by me cracking open a bottle of wine with my friends.
It's just a bunch of mates having a bit of a laugh.