Adoption shower ideas

[CraftyC]

I have offered to host an adoption shower for my best friend. They have been going through the UK adoption system for nearly 2 years and will be taking a 1 year old girl home mid May. The mum to be knows about the shower and is incredibly excited.

However all the ideas for games I have seen are pregnancy related. Does anyone have any ideas what games/activities I can do with the 15 guests in my house that doesn't mention pregnancy? Any other tips for hosting this shower to make it special for her?

Thanks

But like I said I'm aware my opinion is unpopular. It's like when in friends and Monica and chandler adopted the twins. I found it horrific to watch.

However the wants of both the child and future parents have to go together. The parent have to WANT a child.

Sad but true for many getting a match to a child is after a long hard process of ruling out a biological child, grieving for the child that will never be. And looking for other ways to get a child into their life.

Kicking of with an intrusive selection process.
The effectively looking at children's profiles which are like CVs, huge demand for under 3s, trying to choose the right child consider what other possible parents might also be looking at the same child.
A panel making the decision.

Parents getting to the end of that deserve to celebrate like any other parent expecting a new arrival into the family.

As someone who adopted a young child I think it's lovely that you want to do something to celebrate for your friend. My dc was four when we adopted him, we didn't have a "shower" as this was over 20 years ago and the baby shower parties hadn't really started happening yet but we did have a little get together at home for close family/friends after he'd lived with us for a few weeks (nothing too overpowering for him) and people brought him presents and cards saying welcome to the family. I appreciate this is more a get together for your friend, I don't have any advice for games etc just wanted to say I think it's a lovely idea.

@Needanewname42 Well said!

@Comedycook I've heard it all now! Vulgar? Really?

I'd love to know where you are going to find all these parents willing to adopt a child out of sheer altruism.

The number of times I hear a mother saying "oh we'd love to adopt someday!" And I can see immediately that they see it as a charitable act that makes them sound wonderful and that there's no way they will ever actually do it!

The number of times someone has said " oh they are so lucky to have been adopted by you! " and I say firmly "no they aren't lucky at all , they had a very difficult start in life but we are the lucky ones"

No child should have to feel grateful for having parents. I feel grateful for my adopted DC every day. They have given me the chance to be a mum and I love the bones of them.

Most adopters come to the adoption process after years of infertility and grief. I had ten years of that so forgive me if I maybe decided to take a moment to celebrate finally becoming a mother by throwing a party with some mates.

As adopters we know the system isn't perfect. We know that adoption is bitter sweet. We know that for all the joy we get from adoption someone else somewhere is suffering. We know all that and we are trained to be empathetic towards everyone involved.

As for damaged kids - well my DS is now a well rounded 18 year old with mainly As at GCSE , about to take A levels and in final stages of securing a very sought after apprenticeship with a top 5 accountancy firm. My DD15 may not be bright but she's beautiful , kind and popular and wants to find a job where she helps people with a similar background to her's.

Yes they've both had their problems over the years but show me a teenager who hasn't.

So much ignorance on this thread.

@Comedycook

Adopters are very well aware what adoption is about.
But the fact remains that unless we wanted to be parents, children would not find their new families.
In my experience adoptive families respond to the wishes of their children as they grow older.
I know many adoptive families who do not celebrate adoption day and anniversaries because it is very difficult for their children.
My son loves being adopted, he understands what the alternatives are. He loves me, I love him. Why should we not celebrate that.
Do you also think he should not get me a mother's day card?

Do they ever. Its a brutal process and really does put you through the wringer. It's certainly not for the faint hearted, but was 100% worth it.

@Comedycook that story line in Friends is probably in now way a true reflection of the US adoption process. What happened on that show was as far removed from the UK adoption process as it's possible to be! Are you really allowing a 30 year old comedy show to form the basis of your opinion on adoption?

@Comedycook When we adopted our son it was a time for celebration for both him and us. We didn't all sit round hanging our heads in shame and misery because he'd been ripped from his loving birth mothers arms to be given to a childless couple, because he hadn't! He'd been in the care system for years and was about to be moved to yet another foster home. He'd been abused and neglected by his birth mother, who frequently put his life in danger. It's not like the old days where pregnant schoolgirls get their babies ripped from their arms. These days everything is done to keep the child with its birth mother and things have to be pretty bad and have to have gone through many legal stages before a child is put up for adoption. Yes, it's sad that the birth mother couldn't look after her child for whatever reason but adoption is a new start for that child, who, after all, is the most important person in the whole process, so why shouldn't it be celebrated? I was proud to adopt my boy, it was the best thing I ever did and he knows all about his past and his birth mother and often tells me being adopted was the best thing that ever happened to him.

So did I !

You keep saying that, but I don’t know a single UK adopter who isn’t aware that adoption involves loss, many who have met with a birth parent, continue letterbox communications regularly, find age-appropriate ways of helping their children deal with the fact that their birth parents weren’t able to look after them, support them in making contact when older if they want that etc etc.

But they’re also parents because they wanted a child, and have arrived at this point via a long, often gruelling process of assessment and matching. Introductions can be exhausting and psychologically tough. What’s wrong with a party to celebrate that, before introductions start and it all gets pretty gruelling for a bit, and usually a lot less sociable?

And I don’t think comparing a RL situation to a particularly dimwitted, now rather dated, US sitcom makes any sense.

A baby shower is a very American tradition that doesn’t always translate well in the UK. I have been to two in the UK - lots of puzzled older people who refused to buy baby gifts before the baby was born. Big focus on who bought what. That is probably why you aren’t getting much help here - it is a bit of a culture clash.

are you UK based? There are lots of ideas on American sites about adoption showers. You will get better ideas there as this site tends to be largely UK folk and baby showers aren’t common here - lots of people uncomfortable with a party that is based on gift giving.

good luck.

It doesn't need to be the primary purpose, but it's still a fact! If you adopt a child, you become a parent. I don't see how that's controversial?

Some real arseholes here today. When my manager finished work to begin her adoption leave we celebrated in the office just like we would for any expectant mother. New parents deserve the same celebration irrespective of how they become a family.

There's lots of good game ideas on Google - cryptic quiz clues about nursery rhymes, bingo, wishes for the child, celebrity baby pics etc

@Rosecoffeecup that's so lovely. I didn't get any of that when I left my job of 20 years to go on adoption leave with my then 10 month old. No one seemed to know what to do when someone adopted. I'd have loved that. I also didn't get the customary bunch of flowers that got sent to be every women and every wife of a male employee on the birth of a child.

Games ? Have adults turned into children ? Can't you just have tea and cake and celebrate a new family?

Hopefully you're also aware that Friends is fiction, and the writing was done for comedy effect and not accuracy.

Grim but a brilliant idea. Might suggest that for next time we have a ward competition. (Children's nurse!) 😂😂😂

There are some right pious know it all cunts on this thread.

As someone who is adopted, I am not severely damaged. My brother is also adopted (from a different birth family) and he isn't severely damaged. Our parents are our parents in the eyes of us and the law. There wasn't baby showers and the like when we were adopted but my Mum (yes my real mum by law!) Says she was inundated with presents as people were so happy for her and my Dad.

Our world was not kept small, without being outing we had a huge "village" due to my parents jobs. And we are nornal functional people. We both had blips during the teen years, but now as a Mum myself I know that the teen years happen whether adopted or not to some parents. It's not exclusive.

The only thing I don't like about being adopted is the lack of medical information. It is frustrating when you are asked about a history of medical conditions and you have no idea and the NHS brush over it. They won't allow additional testing (for example the BRCA gene testing just because you are adopted) as you have to have a family history, but a lot of people adopted don't have this. So we have to live in ignorance, or pay thousands of pounds (that I can't afford) for private gene testing.

I wish the OPs friend all the best and I hope the party is amazing for her.

This is a bit tricky with the different customs, isn't it?
I've just gone down the baby shower games rabbit hole and I think I'd do the following:

(my own idea)
Musical chairs to the tune of Baby Shark; loser each round makes their best baby cry as they exit. Last person in a chair wins a prize
if the group is very large have two less chairs per round.

(Google idea)
Baby bottle race: everyone get a baby bottle with juice (i'd just do mini 30ml bottles) and the race is who drinks theirs first. I'd do it in groups so others can watch, cheer and have a laugh.

I also think a guest book would be nice asking people to write a sweet message of congratulations with a lovely bit of advice ie I wish I didn't worry about...

Finally, have a laugh about screw-ups and things everyone did worry about, ie I drove home from playground forgetting to do up my toddler's car seat. 🤦‍♀️
💡You could make a game out of it: if no one else has made the same mistake you get a prize (maybe have a few prizes). 🤷‍♀️

I think the party is a lovely idea. 💕

I wish I hadn’t used that word earlier; it wasn’t the main point I was making but I do wish I hadn’t said it because of the negative connotations. I did organise a shower and was with my friend (single adopter) through the gruelling journey.
The training I had was very much like that though- saying that the parents have to be ready to see themselves almost like childcare experts in trauma therapy.
My friend’s little one is an absolute delight and perfect.

Use playdough to make models - either guessing charades style or seeing whose is best
Instead of tasting baby food, taste the toddler snack and try to guess the flavour? (This might be quite easy)
The chocolate game where you put on hat, scarf, gloves and cut chocolate

An adopted child’s world being ‘kept small’ is only advised (these days) for the first few weeks/months, though, so a child starts to form an attachment to his/her parents without too many other people about — sometimes that doesn’t suit, and people choose differently, or circumstances mean it can’t. But at any rate, it’s not indefinite!

Have you never been to a party where grown-ups took part in games, even just board games/card games? It's pretty common.

I'm really surprised that tea and cake is fine, but tea, cake and a round of Guess The Baby Photo just tips things over the edge into pearl clutching territory.

Not a game but when I found out about a friend finally being able to adopt after years of trying to conceive I got her a silver spoon with the child's birthdate and the adoption date engraved on it. A silver spoon for a baby was a big thing across the pond at the time.

I think it's lovely that you're supporting her at this special time.