Have you ever come across munchausens by proxy?

[Namechangeone]

As per my username I’ve name changed. It’s quite an identifying situation so I’m not going to go into too much detail but don’t want to drip feed either

Edited for clarity: Has anyone experienced munchausen by proxy themselves or known someone that has? I could be wrong about this but it's what myself and others suspect.

Im middle child of 5. Us older 3 lived with grandparents, youngest 2 with parents.

I unfortunately have had quite bad luck when it comes to health. Various ICU stays, operations, long term conditions. No empathy from my parents and now grandparents unfortunately have died.

My younger brother who grew up with my parents has perfect health, had many scans after our mum claiming my brother can't barely walk/has back pain/stomach pain all sorts. Had every test going from teens until now (he is late 20s). Even went as far as paying for private tests because they didn't believe nhs consultants.
They've bought him a wheelchair/crutches for when things are bad - this typically happens when I've just had a hospital stay or there's an event coming up.
In privacy he walks around at home normal. He lives next door in a house they built for him but stays at parents house.

Recently they took him to A&E saying he needed emergency surgery as he's suddenly paralysed - scans were clear. This was day 1 after myself being diagnosed with lymphoma.

He has had every scan going that you can think of and multiple opinions. Also my brother and parents have been offered psychiatric support many times (and declined)

At home he doesn't need to even take paracetamol but if there is an event, he's in agony and needs pain relief and looking after. Apparently can't take tablets so it's calpol 🤦‍♀️
They have a prayer WhatsApp group for him & regular social media posts.

Im not envious of the lack of empathy I have - I'm quite happy in my own bubble & I wouldn't want to live this fake life. I had a good childhood with my grandparents, although miss my gran especially a lot with everything going on in my personal life.
I do have therapy/counselling etc & continue to throughout the years.

Everything had gone back to "normal" with them all but my brother is getting married in a couple of weeks and the wheelchair etc is back out. This happened after the A&E visit one day after my lymphoma diagnosis.
I can't get my head around it all.

I just basically wondered has anyone else had this experience or similar with a family member?

95% of the time it doesn't bother me, I have my own life, but then I do get times where it bothers me (like tonight for some reason!)

DS4 is your son? Sorry if I've misunderstood

This is your son? And it's your mum saying he is ill and taking him to hospital?

Have you spoken to him and asked what's going on? Why doesn't he live with you?

I think DS is the parents' son. So OP's brother?

Still not sure I follow though.

I'm struggling to understand the relationship? Are you referring to your little brother, with your mum insisting something is wrong with him?

Is DS4 her sister??

Sorry meant to type son

Only with another patient in hospital , quite sad really her family had stopped bothering to visit her as knew the score - if any of us mentioned pain etc within earshot she developed the same

I think OP means a younger sibling (D-Sibling). Just based on rest of post?

Think OP saying younger sibling getting ‘ill’ mostly when another event coming up for them or a ‘spotlight’ stealing time (illness, surgery, etc)
unclear as to whether they’re unwell or whether a parent is suggesting they’re unwell.

I can't understand the relationships in your post. Is DS4 your child? Does he insist on the wheelchair?

I'm pretty sure she means her parents son. Her younger brother.

Does he play along with this? What is his future wife going to make of it all, I wonder.

Sounds completely insane. Have you talked it over with him?

So he wants to get married in a wheelchair which he doesn't need?

Sorry. I'm lost.

I think it's his brother.

So he still lives with the parents?

So then who is getting married?

The weirdest thing is your DB going along with it now he's an adult. I can understand him being manipulated as a child, but can't understand why he'd continue with it now he's grown up. Can you talk to him in confidence about it?

I know someone who was forever whipping her two DDs to the GP for the silliest little ache or pain or cough. Every single week when they were small children they'd be carted to the doctor. The youngest was regularly taken to GOSH for tests and the mother claimed she had some lung condition that would only ever get worse. The child was always very slight but did dancing and gymnastics ok. The daughter is now early 20s and very robust. Strangely her "condition" seemed to disappear when she started secondary school and became more independent. Mother now has to find other ways to seek attention.

Unexplained pain can be a symptom of post traumatic stress disorder- commonly in ptsd, extreme abdominal pain or muscular pain is reported by the patient themselves but no cause is found. The root cause is trauma.

M-B-P is where someone else- eg the patient's mum or dad basically makes their child sick (uses excess salt or slips undetectable drugs into food etc) leading to unexplained pain.

Could either be going on why do you suspect the parents?

^ oh sorry M-B-P not always as extreme as that! It can just be fabricated problems but that tends to stop working on more mature children.

To answer your question. Yes, a parent when I worked in a nursery. Manager was concerned at parents attitude towards child, actually thought dad might be abusive to mum. Turned out they had two older children they insisted were disabled and needed 1:1 at school 100% of the time yet nothing had ever been medically proved. Youngest child, a baby, was about half the size should have been for its age. I believe SS stepped in to investigate.

when I was a teenager in the 70s I met a girl who’d had more operations than I’d had hot dinners yet she claimed they’d never cured many illnesses that she could never name. I think that was Munchausen’s — her mum was promising her all sorts if she’d stop with the doctor’s visits.

So sorry I meant my mums 4th child, I should’ve checked before posting

Yes this. I’ve recently been diagnosed with lymphoma at 30.
Suddenly the wheelchair and private tests have started again with my brother.

I have talked about it to him but he believes it. Others are starting to realise now sadly 😞

God, the acronyms on this post are so confusing. Can't be bothered to decipher, sorry.

Sorry I’ll delete and re post I think!

You might be able to edit OP, check the three dots?

Anyway I got the gist and thought you meant one of your younger brothers. Sounds bonkers but what can you do? Will he talk to you about it or is he too caught up in your parents thinking?

Sorry to hear of your illness by the way.

I understood perfectly well, OP. It’s all there in the third sentence.

Im middle child of 5. Us older 3 lived with grandparents, youngest 2 with parents.

Don’t delete just because the reading comprehension levels on mumsnet are so poor.

FWIW I would be distancing myself from
parents & younger siblings if I were you. You have been diagnosed with lymphoma, if they can’t give you sympathy and focus on you, then you don’t need them in your life.

If I had to guess, it’s a way of handling the guilt of not raising their eldest 3 kids. “Look at us, our child is sick/disabled, we are so worthy” type thing. All made up to make them seem like saints.

I understood what and who you meant OP, it was fairly clear from your post to be honest, so am not sure why people struggled to grasp it.

No I have never known anyone in real life with M-B-P, only well-known criminal cases like Gypsy Rose Lee. I think the condition is known these days as Factituous Disorder, it is very much about procuring attention and sympathy for the person with the disorder.

I am sorry your health is bad and your family is dysfunctional. That's an unfortunate hand you've been dealt by life and I offer my congratulations for your amazing fortitude in handling it all like you do, and my very best wishes for you going forwards 💐