Husband has never seen me totally naked?

[Lemonmiracle]

So it is exactly what it is. Been with DH 12 years and married half that time (we met very young) and I've always had body image issues. I was very slim when we met, 5'5 and 8.5 stone and am now 13.5 LOL (I just had a baby). But it's just hit me he has never ever seen me naked. I've always had a vest top on, or some lingerie that covers my belly or did the deed in the dark. He is AMAZING and showers me with love and compliments and affe tion daily, the spark is very much there. I just cannot bare to be naked infront of him (or anyone haha). I've never changed clothes infront of my sisters, mum, best friend etc. Anyone else relate or am I the only weirdo

I don't think it's unusual to have never had a shower together. DH and I never have. Can't think of anything worse!
However, we've often seen each other naked.

I was more conscious at your age but as you get older you gain confidence. It's gradual but certainly was the case for me

I do think it is very strange, and your friend is right in that your dh has never truly seen a naked woman.

It does make me think whether your dh would be inclined to explore seeing a naked woman as it’s something he’s never seen in real life.

@SplitFountainPen why do you assume everyone has disgusting feet?! My feet aren’t disgusting at all.

OP Have you considered lasering? It’s very effective and it may help you feel better. A couple of sessions will start to reduce the hair significantly.

I agree with her tbh but I do really feel for you. Would you consider therapy with the goal of self acceptance and self esteem. Assuming, you would like to work on that.

But it might be worth a chat with DH, you may both be happy with the situation. All though I think you should be kinder to yourself.

@Opine so I've had laser for years but because the hair growth is hormonal it always re appears and sometimes spreads to a different area and then I start getting hair growth elsewhere. Such a pain

@Mummame2222 thank you. Maybe I do need therapy. I really do struggle with body image and have even when I was alot fitter and toned etc. DH loves me on a deeper level than just physical but I'm sure he would be so happy if I could let loose and not worry about always covering my belly or whatever else

@Lemonmiracle if you’re that self conscious about always having parts of your body covered, are you able to relax and climax?

@TheHeadOfTheHouse he's seen everything but my stomach? So I do hope he's not that desperate to see someone else's naked belly so bad he'd explore it! I have been naked with a vest top on and the girls out but just never bare

Just posting to say how lovely it is to hear about a DH who has accepted your boundary without pushing or gaslighting or nagging about it.

I agree it sounds like it would be good for you to grow your body confidence, but your DH sounds like a keeper who accepts you as you are both physically and with “hang ups” so I also wouldn’t overthink it.

@HermioneWeasley yes! No trouble in that area and never has been because if I do have a lingerie teddy on for example or a cami, I'm not worried

Mine hasn't either, I have been married for over 37 years! I have a terrible body

Did he see your stomach when you were pregnant? Kiss your belly and stroke and cuddle it? Do you spoon at night and let him touch your stomach?

@Wotchaz thank you so much, I've known him since I was a teenager and not once has he made me feel like he's missing out. He always acts like I'm the best thing since sliced bread lol!

@Cattrovert I feel sad reading it from someone else's viewpoint. Sad for you and myself :( we should feel better than this about ourselves

@LucyLaundry actually... funnily enough I wasn't as conscious about it when I was pregnant. He did get to cuddle and kiss the bump when I shaved the hair. I think it was a mental thing of 'I have an excuse for the big belly' as horrible as that is of me

And so could you have sex naked then?

For me there are two sides to this story: you and him.

You: being happy to see yourself naked and loving yourself and your body like it is.
Your body has just done something amazing. It has grown a brand new human being!! It’s sustaining you everyday, allowing you to look after your toddler, go out, do things etc…. As someone whose body isn’t playing up at the mo, its something fantastic we shouldn’t take for granted!
Id recommend looking at yourself naked and reminding yourself of all the great things your body can do. Is there part of your body you actually like etc….? Concentrate on that for a bit. I found I basically ’desensitised’ myself by just looking at myself in the mirror more.

Your dh: he clearly loves the bones out of you regardless of the weight, PCOS etc….
As others have said, you can start slowly with dim lights, transparent nightdress etc… maybe leave the light on just a bit longer.
And I’d also say, talk to him about it. Explain what you’d like to do. Ask him to support you. If you know what could be helpful, tell him. From words to reassure you, to caresses or instead not saying anything.

But please remember. You are beautiful. What you THINK people see isn’t what they see. You’re not a model on a walkway. You’re his dwife, the mother of his dc.

@LucyLaundry I had hyperemesis gravidarum for 6 months and hospitalised etc so sex wasn't a massive priority but when we did do it usually the lights were already off etc

@RandomVillageLife thank you so much for this non judgemental and supportive take on my problem. I agree with everything you said. I should talk to DH again, I have once or twice in the past and he always says the same thing, that I'm beautiful and he would love to see all of me for himself but also for me to feel comfortable with it...but that its my choice always

Your husband sounds like a fantastic guy it’s lovely to hear he doesn’t pressure you or try to make you feel bad. So on that aid of things there is no requirement for you to be naked, things seem to be working fine and who is anyone else to tell you what you should be doing.

however having said that, I do think you should work on this for yourself, to accept and love yourself. Can you have some time with a therapist?

I wish you could see lots of real women naked, to see that everyone has different “flaws” no one is perfect. We are all there worrying about something. Even people you think look perfect will have a hang up of their own. Too fat, small boobs, stretch marks, body hair, cellulite, not curvy enough, something that they focus on and someone else looking at them would barely glance at.

think about your DH for example, is his body “perfect” not one single area that isn’t the ideal standard? I am guessing not, but do you look at him in disgust?

Same here op. Think some is menopause weight too. Laser I didnt find amazing either I got 6 on my lip it grew back havent bought leg area for that reason

Your friend is talking pish. "Never seen a fully naked woman" 🙄. Irrelevant. He doesn't want to see you so that he can see "a naked woman" , he wants to see YOU.
It sounds like he's lovely, and doesn't pressure you (really this is a low bar to set tbh but there we are) there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to go at your own pace. If you never feel comfortable being fully naked that's totally fine. You are not weird! I have never changed in front of family or friends either, I don't think that's uncommon.

However if you do want to be naked with your husband, that's also great. Plenty of ways you can ease yourself in, you don't have to jump straight to jumping out of the bathroom in the buff. Lighting is a really good one, I have fairy lights in my bedroom and a lamp with a colour changing bulb that I usually have on soft pink. More flattering than full on bright lights, without being pitch black. Maybe start by being naked under the covers so you don't feel too "exposed".

@Mary46 I've had full face for 6 years and it lightens and lessens the hair but always comes back. Spent thousands. Underarms stayed hair free but afraid to do the hormonal areas and waste more money

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't trust me enough to see them naked. But if your DH is ok with it then it's up to you whether you want to do something about it or not.