Please tell me we all don’t end up like this

[Queijo]

Just spent a few days with my parents who are now entering their 70s.

The FAFFING. It took 25 minutes(!) to serve up lunch because they couldn’t find the right teapot, and then, horrors of horrors, it wasn’t the right ham. So they had to have a very intense discussion about the properties of ham. Whilst I’m slowly dying in the corner from hunger and frustration.

Cups of tea take decades to make, is this the cup you want? Do you want decaf? No? Oh ok I’ll just get the special non-decaf pot down. Are you sure you don’t want decaf? Right. Sugar? No sugar?! Since when?

Can’t say no to cup though or there’s 3 days of fraught discussions.

Lunch at 12 noon dinner at 6pm. CANNOT under any circumstance deviate, and if anything is taking slightly too long to cook it’s the end of the world. God alive 😂

I’m exhausted. Please tell me I’m not going to end up this way.

LIGHTHEARTED before anyone starts! I love them dearly but they never were like this before.

Im retired early through ill health and I love it now I have the time to faff about. I would rather do that than my old job, teaching.
Don't knock it until you have tried it!

My parents have gone like this, they are approaching late 70s now. They were very active, worked hard, ran their own businesses etc, very involved in the local community and they still have elements of that about them (are social, keep relatively up to date with news etc).

Now, if they remember to ask if you want a cup of tea at all, it will take half an hour to produce with a lot of faffing getting teapot, cups, saucers, sugar bowl, milk jug and a tray down requiring searching for all these items in different cupboards, with a lot of dialogue about who had what item last and where they put it. No amount of pleading "a mug's fine thanks" helps, they ignore it. They were never teapot, cups and saucers people - decidedly not as a fact - but somehow now they are. Not only that, but tea gets made in a tiny novelty one-cup teapot so you only end up pouring it from teapot to cup.

There's lots of other examples but that typifies it the best.

What sums it up is inefficiency. They are becoming inefficient in the way they do a lot of things, but they can't see it. Obviously they are happy going about things in their own way, so as long as they're happy etc, but in their heads they are still very efficient and going about things at normal pace when in fact they are not.

Many posters have mentioned older people and anxiety. MN seems to have lots and lots of posters who have anxiety and many of them seem to be in their 20s, 30s etc

Honestly, when you reach pension age it does not mean you automatically turn into an anxious faffer.

There's different forms of faffing though, the standards one can be very sweet, but there's the other type...
Getting ready, e.g 2 families arrange to meet, they're always late coz they drive REALLY slowly, finally arrive, re-arrange EVERYTHING in the car boot (all in small bags naturally) THEN change footwear very very slowly. Finally set put then have to go back for something forgotten...aaarrrgh....

I love my in-laws, but especially FIL can be a bit faffy. And the tea routine!

It's breakfast, time for tea
It's 10 o'clock, time for tea
It's almost lunch, time for tea
Lunch is finished, time for tea
It's 3 o'clock, time for tea
It's almost time to start cooking, time for tea
Dinner is finished, time for tea
It's almost bedtime, time for tea

It's excessive! I don't always finish my cups of tea either and then I get told off 😂.

Yes they do. And I go through mine with a highlighter as well. In my defence, I'm 69. And faffers drive me mad.

My mum was queen of the faffing. The Faffmeister General. My brother had his complex medication put into blister packs by the pharmacist as he had so many to take 4 times a day. She used to have the packs delivered then painstakingly take the pills out and put them into individual shot glasses on the shelf of her dresser. The shot glasses all had numbers on to say what order they should be taken!!!!

That’s so funny. 🤣
I think I’m in danger of doing this to dh because he’s always recounting tales that are far wide of what happened.

Im old and clueless. I would like to follow this family. Its hilarious. How do i do it? Do i download tiktok? How do i follow them?

The odd thing is it actually feels like the kind of routine you can have for small children. Rigid times for things. Diverging from these times can prompt meltdowns ime.

I am sort of sympathetic but actually I do think it's self centred. Younger people have usually got more active problems and immediate stress re money, family, managing small children.

Your OP made me really chuckle as it rings true for my family too. 😆

@bombastix I know what you mean but they literally can't help it, I think you can laugh, but kindly iykwim.
I hope as I age to go to groups, classes, maybe volunteer etc to avoid faff danger.
It might work...

Oh yeaahhhhhh. The only thing I have to do today is a tour round a local charity. Shall I have lunch early, or before I go? walk through the park on the way there, or they way back? it's not me faffing, it's having time. After all those years of being at someone's beck and call at work and deadlines to be met it's fabulous.

Mine are both gone now but the faffing and fussing most definitely ramped up when they hit their 70s.

I'm 65. I have to say that I only recently asked my partner, "Is it inevitable? Do we all get like our parents once we're proper elderly?"

I was referring mostly to the way our parents' 'common sense chip' seemed to deactivate, resulting in them taking the most awful risks.

This does NOT describe my parents and they are older than yours.

YES thank you. I have much younger friends who are real faffers- and cooking a meal becomes a Michelin * performance, and the faffing drives me nuts.

Yeah, exactly this. It's ridiculous how much time my grandparents take to do things. We do a lot for them, and I would never, ever make a fuss because in many way it's a privilege to be able to do it, but oh my god, I swear it's so difficult to do a quick errand for them in my lunch hour haha.

Click on his name near the bottom of the screen, James B, then this shd take you to a new window wherr you can click follow.
To watch more TT just swipe up on the original clip.

God my mum is like this and she's only early 60s. Retired years ago, seems like she's aging prematurely. Everything takes forever and nobody is ever allowed to help. But heaven forbid anyone else slow her down ever! Side effects of too much free time for too long I think. My dad keeps far busier and isn't like this at all.

My mil used to write, although she mostly phones these days. Long letters about the merits of purchasing fish slices in various shops in their town.

Sorry that really did make me laugh out loud 😱😂

I remember years ago my Grandma telling me how Grandad got on her pip every day by hinting at around 11.30am that she should get the dinner (lunch, we're Northern!) on. She was 10 years younger than him - she was his second wife and actually my step-grandma - and by the time he was in his late 60s, the difference really showed.

I think it’s only certain category of people. Middle class and upper middle class. Obsession with teapots, timing and RULES

No, my parents weren't like this and my mum still isn't. She's 84.

This aversion to faffiness is why we've ended up with some people thinking its acceptable to make tea in a mug with milk added before the boiled water !! (The horror!!) AND I still prefer my tea from a China cup/mug .