How are funerals so much faster in Northern Ireland than in rest of the UK?

[Masaladosai]

Sadly a relative of a friend passed away in Northern Ireland recently. From sudden passing to the funeral (burial) including open casket at home took three days. Compare that to the funerals in have attended in England in the last five years - all ranged between two weeks to over a month to happen. No complicating factors (eg need for post mortem, or police investigation).
Talking with friend, it seems that funerals are often swift in N. Ireland. And they often seem to take quite a long time to happen in England (purposefully not commenting on Scotland or Wales as I have no idea re there).
Anyone got any thoughts?

Hindus use the general crematorium. Many crems these days have a 'viewing window' so Hindus can actually see the cremation.

Even though there are Muslim and Jewish undertakers you still need a death certificate and to do all the legal stuff.

Just a thought but my mum was cremated years ago, my dad has her ashes.

He has his own cremation paid for but afterwards he wants his ashes to be buried with mum's. Ss there will be years, if not decades between her death and 'burial'.

woah!!

Thank you. It’s all been a bit of a shock. I’d only known her for 12 years because we had different mums and she was adopted at birth. Our father was a prolific philanderer and that’s the only mention he deserves. I thought we’d have each other longer but we’re both in our 60’s and have both had cancer. Her was the worst diagnosis possible and mine was caught very early.

Even though there are Muslim and Jewish undertakers you still need a death certificate and to do all the legal stuff.

Of course, but those things are usually done pretty much immediately and the body released for burial within 24 hours, unless a PM and Coroners Inquiry is needed.

Also in the UK open caskets aren't common? DH legitimately was very upset at the thought of seeing my uncle

Not common in England, I don't know about Scotland, Wales or NI.

Open caskets are very common in NI.

We went to a funeral in NI that had to be delayed to allow mourners to fly in from other countries. The funeral director was horrified that it took place eight days after the death. We were horrified by the shortness of the crematorium slot and the conveyor belt feel of it.

It feels like delays here are getting longer. My mum’s funeral was just before Christmas in 2015 and it was 18 days after she died. I don’t know how people cope with weeks on end in limbo.

But what do you do between the death and the funeral, if it takes weeks? Go back to work?

It's anything but disrespectful. The person is just as dead three days later as three weeks! What's "respectful" about delaying the inevitable?

It's not as quick for cremations. I had 2 colleagues bereaved very recently and it was over a week in both cases.

I've been to a couple of funerals too when the burial preceeded the service so there was no graveside bit.

Generally speaking, the Irish way of doing things is to bring the body home, in an open coffin, put in the 'good room' or a bedroom. Mourners at the wake can expect to be invited to view the body and pay their respects. If you don't want to (and I really don't!). you say, "I'd rather remember them when they were alive", and that gets you out of it.

The point I was making is that neither approach is more or disrespectful than the other. It’s just a cultural difference. Why is it necessary to frame what’s the cultural norm in the U.K. as delaying the inevitable? That’s what I’m calling out.

And what did I do in the three weeks between
my husband dying and his funeral? Well, I stayed off work with the blessing of my employer, but popped in a few times to have lunch with supportive colleagues. After the funeral I went away for a week, then returned to work.

That for me worked far better than a rushed sequence of paramedics, death, undertaker, funeral, wake and the return to work would have done. But I don’t judge those for whom that works, or cultures where that is the norm. And that is my point.

I'm not so sure it's actually a "cultural norm" as such, certainly from what is being said on this thread. Seems to be more delays in the process.

Anyway I'm not here to argue about it. I am sorry about your husband.

There is no arguing - I’m sorry you feel that way. For the 40odd years I’ve been attending funerals in England it’s been a couple of weeks or more between death and funeral. So that, to me, is a norm.

I suspect that part of it is that we are a far less religious nation than many, and so for us death is death. There is nothing else. Funerals are about the living, and our desire to remember and celebrate their lives. And that continues beyond the funeral, which is just one milestone along the journey of grieving, and one way in which we remember.

Also, if it is normal to have the deceased in an open casket in the house you wouldn't want it there for more than a couple of days, especially in hot weather.

If England had the same size population as the places you mention OP it would be faster here too.

56 million people produce a lot more funerals to arrange than smaller populations.

82.4% of funerals are cremations in England & Wales, 71.6% for Scotland, 23% in N Ireland and 20% in Ireland.
I think this will account for the time to arrange a funeral, especially when you consider the higher death rate during the Covid epidemic in recent years.

That's really interesting. I'm in England (with quite a lot of Welsh relatives) and I've been to dozens upon dozens (probably hundreds) of funerals in my lifetime, and only one was a burial.

This is such an interesting thread, but such a shame there are some people who can't contribute without being rude and disrespectful.
You can be surprised at something - or even say you don't think it is for you, without being so disrespectful about other people's traditions.

I am surprised at how quickly the paperwork can be completed in some cases though, particularly when it is a sudden or unexpected death.

One thing I notice that always strikes me as a bit odd but that's probably a lack of understanding on my part is why English people often seem to call the afters of a funeral a wake? What is being waked if the person is buried or cremated?

We all do it our own way and what we feel used to and most comfortable with, there's no right or wrong way, and like others I've found some of the posts disrespectful

I don't think it's particularly a religious thing to be honest, I'm not Catholic but adhere to our traditions, its what the family are used to and feel right about .

The wake is a truly comforting thing, its way of celebrating the person's life as their friends and family talk and laugh about their memories, older children are often there if they want to be, and for me it's so useful in bringing it home that death is a part of life and something which is natural and not to be feared. We are all born and we will all die.

The funeral takes place which can be either very religious or have favourite songs and stories, whatever the family feels is right, it's again a celebration of their life and both the wake and funeral are for the living as well as saying goodbye to their loved one.

Grieving goes on during and after that of course.

If you are comfortable either waiting longer and feel it's strange that's fair enough, I would never judge someone else's choice in something so important.

Bigger population isnt really an excuse. I'd expect them to have similar number of crematorium per head of population. Or multiple 'chapels' in the same crematorium.

In Northern Ireland the minute someone dies their entire family, friends, colleagues, old boyfriends from 40 years ago, someone they talked to for 5 minutes in a shop etc descend upon the wake house and they all expect tea and sandwiches/cake/ Protestant traybakes. If you had that in England you'd be begging the funeral directors to speed things up a bit too

I am so reminded of an episode of Derry Girls!

My maternal Grandparents were Catholic, we have relatives in Ireland, and although there weren't open casket funerals for my Grandparents, I remember their wakes as such a bustle of love, people and support. I think that's the most important thing, no matter when that takes place.

I equally understand folk who want to do it differently, because we all experience death and grieve differently.

I think it is because we don't usually have the deceased in the house. So the 'wake' is where we tell stories about the deceased, toast them and basically do all the things I understand are done at the wake in Ireland /NI.

I think I read somewhere the word 'wake' was used because some people (past centuries in a village without a Dr) appeared dead but might 'wake'.

I think the difference in numbers is partially at least due to Ireland being a Catholic country, cremation wasn't an option for RC's until fairly recently and even now there is an expectation the ashes will be buried.

Not the case in my experience, the cremations have been on day 3 or 4, taking into account weekends.

trees, yes, we often go back to work between the death and the funeral. Life just ticks over as normal as possible. Personally, I think it allows time to adjust.

Yeah, I'm Irish and that's basically my understanding of what "wake" means, so it seems a bit confusing to see it as the afters - if you've cremated someone, waking them seems a bit funny! But different people do things differently, it doesn't matter really, I was just wondering if there was something else to it because I only see it here or on TV.