How are funerals so much faster in Northern Ireland than in rest of the UK?

[Masaladosai]

Sadly a relative of a friend passed away in Northern Ireland recently. From sudden passing to the funeral (burial) including open casket at home took three days. Compare that to the funerals in have attended in England in the last five years - all ranged between two weeks to over a month to happen. No complicating factors (eg need for post mortem, or police investigation).
Talking with friend, it seems that funerals are often swift in N. Ireland. And they often seem to take quite a long time to happen in England (purposefully not commenting on Scotland or Wales as I have no idea re there).
Anyone got any thoughts?

As someone needing to travel home for the funeral, I have to say three days was too fast. I remember booking flights and shopping for clothes for the dc to wear in a total daze. Howver I've also found the couple of weeks wait here where I live too long!

It really does seem a very long wait in England. We were at the undertakers this afternoon to arrange my mother in law's funeral. She died six days ago, and my husband wasn't given an appointment to register the death until today. If we had arranged the funeral for the crematorium we really wanted, the first date would have been at the very end of April, but we have opted for another crematorium where there is a two week delay, which still seems quite a long wait. When my Dad died, many years ago now, when I spoke to the funeral director, they were able to arrange for the cremation four days later, because they had had a cancellation. I still wonder how that had happened 😆

I'm in NI, despite the short time from death to funerals all my deceased relatives have been embalmed. I know this wasn't common many years ago but certainly in the last 20 years.

I love the efficiency here and the routine. Generally everyone knows what's going to happen and when. The funeral director takes on a large chunk of the work liaising with everyone and booking whatever you need. Otherwise friends and neighbours get on and do their thing, here (rural Tyrone) the local men will clean yards, cut hedges, stone lanes, prepare fields for parking, look after livestock for the grieving family. The women bake and clean and prepare for 2 nights of a wake and sit with the corpse with family overnight . Its a comforting routine for the grieving family and keeps them going. They are literally "held up" by their community over those few days. I'm so bitter we were robbed of that for for my DGM over Covid when Boris and Co were partying hard that Christmas.

Also we get the death cert after the funeral.

Backlog

This is actually one of the things me (NI) and my English husband talk about - I think 3 days with a nice wake at home is normal - he thinks it's weird to have the body laid out at home - I say it's weird to wait 2 months to bury a loved one! I can only hope he does it my way for me when the time comes but as I won't be there it won't matter will it?!

It took 10 weeks from death to funeral for my MIL. Awful.

I like a week or two between death and funeral.

It gives you a chance to come to terms with it, and get your head together.

Anything within a week would be too soon.

Three weeks would be my preference.

"In rural Co. Tyrone.....the women bake and clean and prepare for 2 nights of a wake and sit with the corpse with family overnight..."

Oh, I don't think I could do that. It sounds horrifying. I'm glad it's not a thing here in England.

There's nothing horrifying about it. Someone you love has died. The people who loved them want to say goodbye and pay respect. Its not a horror film.

It's the normal in a lot of Ireland, the friends, family and neighbours all contribute to the food needed to feed those who attend the wake, if rural fields will be opened, lit and supervised for safe parking, the grieving family are supported and looked after, respect is shown to the dead, the telling of stories and memories can be very healing, at my mother's wake I was told lovely things about her that I'd never have known otherwise. I remember the same being done as a child when I lost a grandparent in the seventies and to have it repeated over 40 years later for my mother was wonderful. Maybe the acceptance and appreciation of it is due to growing up with it, I now live three hours from where I grew up and still spend a lot of time there so when there is a local funeral and the 'afters' of the funeral (after the burial the family often host the mourners for a meal) is being held in the GAA (football) club I'll drive back to volunteer to cook and serve if needed, I'm in the fortunate position to be able to do this when other volunteers may be working so often get the call. Different ways for different places and people and this is our way.

Each to their own.

I don't want to see my loved ones, dead, on display for all to see.

I like the community spirit, and glad that is still a thing in rural Ireland, where people don't just 'know' their neighbours, but are good friends and support for them.

We're more likely to be active church goers with access to plot in an associated graveyard.

And we just respect our dead and their right to a funeral more to be honest. There's no delaying a funeral here for two weeks because our calendar's already full of crap. You drop everything and make it work.

A much larger population in England, and that's probably the reason for what seems like a long time compared to Northern Ireland and Scotland.

But equally, aren't there also more crematoriums and more registrars and more funeral directors, in a sort of 'supply and demand' way?

You'd think that would be proportionate.
I live in a big City in England, and there are 4 different crematoria that are all fairly local to me, whereas somewhere with a smaller population wouldn't have 4 crematoria within a few miles of one another.

Sounds like their problem, but yes if it was very important they were there it could be delayed.
I was shocked when my grandad died in England the funeral wouldn’t be for 2-3 weeks. As said previously the only real delays here would be for a cremation. Or if it was a suspicious death

It would have been enough to say it's not for you, I think, rather than upsetting people by telling them you consider their traditions to be horrifying as well as vulgar.

It's the same in NZ. The length of time it takes in the UK seems ridiculous.

It all seems such a complicated process. I'm in NZ, and here the undertakers generally do most of the work such as registering the death and they get the death certificate and send it to the family. All the family has to do is liaise with the undertakers regarding the funeral.

Interesting to hear that you don't need the death certificate in Ireland to organise the funeral.
In Scotland you need it, to book the funeral, and that can cause a holdup. You now need an appointment at the registrar to get it.

Thats ridiculous.

I'm Scotland my Dad was pronounced dead about 9.30am by Doctor who arrived with ambulance crews. He died suddenly but not completely unexpectedly. The GP came round issued his paperwork about lunchtime. Which let the police close of their enquiries.
We had an appointment with the registrar for either the next day or the day after and funeral within 7 days.

It's fairly normal in Scotland for immediate family to be off work from the death to after the funeral.
How does that work for people in England with weeks to wait. How do you get back to work knowing your parent is lying in a fridge?
I'm also thinking that storage must add to the costs.

Just because the approach in NI is quicker doesn’t make it more respectful, IMO. You think that because that’s what you’re used to. The cultural norm here is for it to take longer. For some of us, 3 days seems like indecent haste and disrespectful. It seems a bit ‘just get them out of the way and move on’, but we recognise that cultures are different and wouldn’t try and take the moral high ground by denigrating cultures that do things differently.

Thank you for saying that, it's appreciated as my brother passed in December and I found the post you replied to quite harsh

Yes indeed each to their own; but they are not on display, they are still our loved ones and its hugely important to us.

Understand that everyone doesn't feel the same but no need for crass comments like that.

Hi I haven't read the whole thread, so this might have been mentioned previously. I'm in NI and I've always presumed there was a religious requirement for burial to be on the third day after death. Something to do with Jesus being ressurected on the third day after his death.

Yes.
I often wonder do the crematoriums have to keep slots for certain religions so their deceased can be cremated more quickly?