What age would you consider young to be a first time dad?

[YachtALot]

Just that really!

A lot will depend on the age of the poster replying. I would think someone who was 25/26 was a young parent.

Horses for courses….I had mine young….living my own life again in my 40s ….my DD had her first at 21 then 24…..she’s 30 now…..by her early 40s mortgage will be paid off and kids all grown and flown…..who wants to be doing school runs in their 40s? No one I know that’s for sure

I’ll be more than happy to be doing school runs well into my 50’s. It is much easier than working!

Not everyone feel the same, clearly. I've had several people tell me - unprovoked - that they wish they had children earlier (20s).

Whether it's 'bonkers' or not really comes down to factors like relationship stability, education, career, housing situation, family support and more.

I think it's bonkers to infantilise everyone (including late 20s).

Obviously everyone has different opinions but if I had my dc in my 20s I would have missed out on a lot. Yes I could do them in my 40s but unless your friends have done similar who do you do things with. I also don’t think you have the same carefree abandon once dc are on the scene regardless of their age.

who wants to be doing school runs in their 40s? No one I know that’s for sure

That must be unusual though to not know anyone who had dc in their 30s .

Interestingly the average age of a FTM today is in line with to the late 1930s.

You make friends with other adults with kids...? Or people who don't ditch you for having a different lifestyle.

You make friends with people at the same stage of life as you, regardless of age.

I think you misunderstood. What has it got to do with ditching friends? Logically if my friends have babies they are unlikely to be able to come on a Machu Picchu trek with me. Of course I could find new friends but all the research suggests it’s harder to make friends as you get older & I would still want to invest time in my old friendships. I
think it’s pretty normal in a friendship group to go through life stages in similar timeframes. Next week I’m off to a Eurocamp with a few families, we are in our 40s with dc ranging from 4-11. The same friends I trekked the sights with in my 20s. I don’t think I’d be so up for the holiday if I didn’t have young dc! 😆

Very few of our peers have waited until 30 to have dc

Yup, and you’re the first to get your house back when they move out!

I was 23, DH was 25 when we had DS1. Times have changed though, DS1 is now 21, still living at home and I can't see that changing any time soon. Incidentally my "cut off" for having any more kids was 30, I had DC3 at 29

Under 28.

I think it depends on a wide range of social factors. The youngest person in our wider friendship group to have a child was 34. More were over 40 than under 40.

When we were in our 20’s and 30’s we were building careers and travelling the world. Most of us waited until we were in senior roles and had fewer financial constraints such as mortgages before we had children.

There’s no right or wrong way to do it but based purely on financial measures having children later in life makes a lot of sense. I also quite like the idea of being retired during most of my DS’s childhood.

My dad was considered "old" when My brother and I were children. He was 35&37 at our births! My mother was 29 and 31
(And we only had two living grandparents by the time I was born)

DH was 22 when he had his first, with his ex. We had our two when I was 27 and 30. In our peer group, he was exceedingly young (i.e ten years younger) than all of our friends to have a child, and I was having my second when the first of our friends were having their firsts.

Now approaching 40, I have FAR more friends with toddlers than I do with secondary aged children.

It definitely really depends on your peer group. We live London/Home Counties borders, most of our friends went to uni, they almost all started families well into their 30s.

I'd say under 30 is young. I only know one couple who intentionally had kids under 30 (and actually, I think they were 29 when baby arrived). I met someone recently who has a five year old and it was his 30th birthday, and I was honestly astounded by how young he was to have a kid. Why would you do that to yourself?! At 25 I had only just moved out into a shared house.

Literally all my friends are doing school runs in their 40s. That's completely normal.

Because we wanted to?

I'd lived alone since 18. I wanted dc. I had dc. If I hadn't had them when I did i wouldn't have been able to have any at all due to disability.

Because we are all different and not everyone thinks the same as you?

who wants to be doing school runs in their 40s? No one I know that’s for sure

Why are school runs any more fun in your 20s or 30s than your 40s? Secret life hack: if the idea of having children is something unpleasant to get out the way you could just….not have children? It’s not compulsory.

It comes down to life stage. Planning a baby when living in a shared house would be ridiculous- but not everyone is. I rented a 2-bed flat with a garden at 19 with partner. In cheaper areas, you can get a 4 bedroom house for the same.

19

Yes, this. I move in vastly different circles to you. Nobody I know could ever pay off the mortgage before they had children and certainly could not afford to retire before state pension age, so if your financial situation isn't going to change hugely there's no reason to wait.

That probably does make a huge difference, to be fair. I grew up in a very expensive touristy city. I could only afford to move out once I had a career-type job. But by contrast, I went to uni in a very cheap Northern city where four of us rented a big old five bed Victorian house with a garden. There were no jobs in that town though, so I moved home!

Lots of reasons. Lower risk births in early 20s. Lower likelihood of children having disabilities. Pregnancy is easier on your body. You can get all your childrearing out the way and still have decades and decades to pursue other projects once they're grown up. You're more likely to live to see your grandchildren grow up, and be fit enough to play with them. I started having my children at 26 and aim to have had all of them by the time I'm 32.