How many children do you have?

[sallysummertime]

My friend and I were talking about how many children we would like to have. I currently have 3 year old twins and while it's been tough I'd love to have a big family of possible 5 kids. My friend thought I was bonkers and that that's far too many and she's content with her 3 mth old son.

How many do you have?

4 here. They always have a friend rather than there being one left out. I was one of 3.

1, thought long and hard about a second, have the odd moment of wouldn't it be nice if dd had a sibling, but overall know that this is the right decision for us.

My dad was in hospital recently. That made me glad that I’ve got 4. There isn’t all of that burden on one later in life.

My brother is one and done. They always try to find people to holiday with so he has someone to play with.

Each to their own but I do believe you have to think about the effect of no siblings x

My mum is one of 8 and only my mum and 1 of her other sisters helped out my nan when she needed care/ hospital stays and then moving to a nursing home. My dad is one of 6 and similar happened to him as well. My dh brother was too busy waiting for his inheritance when dh dad was dying. Don't bank on siblings being of any help when needed.

I’d have preferred one but that is exactly the reason I had two. I did not want DC1 to feel obligated or responsible for us. I wanted to make sure they can live their lives however they choose, they can live wherever they want without feeling obligated or guilty for doing so.

If they both live abroad (and I hope they will) any guilt/responsibility is at least halved. We won’t put pressure on them and have already started to talk about ‘when’ they travel but I know from
personal experience, the potential to feel torn only increases as parents get frailer.

There is always the thought that if/when something happens to DH or me, that DC1 and DC2 will have each other. This is particularly true if something happens while they are school/university age. After that there is equal chance they will be estranged or good friends. If DH and I came from larger families, they would be surrounded by relatives but that isn’t the case either so they only have each other.

However for my own reasons - emotional, financial and practical - I’d have happily stopped with one.

One teenager. Couldn't afford any more, as work full time and couldn't afford childcare costs.

You're a brilliant friend, having her baby so often!

Each to their own but feel bad if you have one? Sorry was the title of this thread 'let's judge parents of only children' (again) or is it just sport for you?

I'm an only child and absolutely fine with it. People who aren't only children love to be dramatic and think we're all alone in the world. We are fine, trust me.

Nope giving my experience and thoughts. Given what happened with dad I was very glad to have siblings to help/chat to and visit instead of it being just me.

I have two lovely children, I’d love another but don’t have the money 😕

None. Love my free time to much and am too selfish

Two. Boy and girl. Happy with that.

One and very happy.

I know. My dd is the strongest and best person I know. I follow her example and try to build others up rather than making them feel crap.

Not everyone can have more than one child and @Piscesmumma1978 comment was mean.

Sorry. Edited as misread

I have 3. Two boys 10 and 5 and a 1 year old girl.

I have 2 and won’t be having anymore

Two... One an angel and a rainbow 🌈 baby who is almost 28...

I have 3. Dd1 and ds were planned, dd2 was the result of a mirena coil failure. We're so glad we had her!

They're now 24, 22 and 20. The teen years were a struggle with 3 in under 4 years but they're all delightful young adults and worth all the bother!!

I’m expecting baby number 2 very soon. Most definitely done at 2 though. Pregnancy is tough and impending labour has me very anxious.

One..would have loved more, but 9 years of infertility and now 46.
@Piscesmumma1978 Its not always easy for everyone, it worries me so much to think of my Dd on her own, it was out of my control

3
I had 1 and 2 close together (18 months) then waited 5 years. Originally we wanted 4 but stopped at 3.
Now aged 12,10 and 5
Advantages: 3 with the bigger age gap reduced the competitiveness between 1 and 2, they have defined roles as both being older siblings and it happily broke up some negative behaviours (ie now, if 1 won't play with you, try 3 etc.)
If one dies, they still have a sibling. They cab split care of me between them in my wrinkly years.
More chance of grandchildren, and more joy in our house in countless ways

Disadvantages
2 is just tidier. More time for each child, more money, headspace, and sleep. I find the logistics of 3 at clubs quite hard to manage, e.g. they r currently at 2 different schools so lots of parent emails plus 3 different music lessons and hobbies to coordinate. It has meant I don't have hobbies anymore. To me it's OK, it's for a short time (10 years) and worth it as I want my children to have these opportunities. But I do miss more "me time" and occasionally worry I'll be conditioned into serving others and forget who I am when they've finally left home.
Bedtimes with bigger age gap is hard, I get back from work, put 3 to bed then see/taxi one and 2 around till 9, then start work again. Before with 2 and a close age gap I'd have both in bed by 7 and could crack on with work and still do a hobby for myself at 9pm.

I'm happy with 3, but it is harder than 2 for sure .

We have three, a four year old, two year old and three week old - all girls ♥️

We will most likely stick at three, but I don’t think I will ever feel ‘done’!

Ah the old "if you've got siblings then everything doesn't fall to you" chestnut.

Both my parents died in 2020, I have 2 siblings....take a wild guess as to who was left to deal with everything because the other 2 found it "too upsetting". Oh and neither one of them asked me how I was feeling or had time for me when I needed them, but I was expected to be there for them at the drop of a hat. Honestly I may as well have been an only for all the help and support I got from them.

Each to their own, but I do believe you have to think of the effect of having siblings.

In my extended family and friends (mostly families with 4-5 siblings) the care still fell to one sibling anyway and caused resentment and rifts.

I’ve noticed from some of the comments that sometimes people choose a family size opposite to what they had. So one of 3+ may have felt emotionally and financially neglected and so they choose to have an only child. Or an only child felt ‘lonely’ and then choose to have 2+.

I plan to stick at 1 so I guess I’ll see how my DD feels about it when she has her own family 😅