Does anyone else have a sister in law they don't get on with?

[LastnightIDreamedofManderley]

This is something that doesn't bother me as such, but clearly has enough for me to post a thread about.
I've always tried to be chatty with her (despite my introversion) and to be friendly, but she really shows no interest towards me. Known her for over 5 years. It's the kind of situation where I'd ask how are you, how's work going etc, I get the bare minimum answers and she never asks me anything of myself, hence no relationship has developed.
I find it a little depressing, as clearly she's decided she doesn't like me but I'm not sure why, as every time I see her I do make an effort to engage her in conversation/show I'm interested but I get nothing back. Makes me feel a little shitty, as it'd be nice to have some sort of relationship but it's clearly not happening. Is anyone else experiencing this? Am I doing something wrong? I don't think I am, actually, but it seems only right that I query it!

I have one lovely one and one that I have absolutely nothing in common with at all. I have very little in common with DH’s family altogether, other than DH. We just all keep it polite.

Same! One of my SILs is great and we'll happily chat away about all sorts. The other one is a miserable pain in the arse, but she's like that with everyone so I don't think it's personal to me. I tried for years with her but have given up and now just keep things polite.

Yes. She’s a narcissistic bitch. And while I’m not perfect I’m generally inoffensive and don’t say things like that.

My mother is a narcissist,my father has enabled her all his married life and I have 3 brothers
Me-the eldest and the ex scapegoat
No1 brother-the new scapegoat
No2 brother-the golden child
No3 brother (no2's twin) sort of the golden child-not as prized as no2 brother but can still do no wrong

I'd long gone by the time no3 met his now wife
She's as narcissistic as my mother-their marriage mirrors our parents-her the narc and him the enabler
They've created a smear campaign against me (which I ignore) and sil is the biggest gob,parroting what she's been told about me,even though I've never met her (and never want to)
I've heard she's not a very nice woman but I wouldn't know
I find it amusing,hearing about what I've meant to have done/what I am

Have you all missed that this woman doesn't have a sister in law. She's not married to her partner.

Her partner's brother's girlfriend is who this woman is to her.

This poor woman has had mental health struggles, and the worst she's done to the o.P is not want to cultivate a friendship. She doesn't have to be friends with the o.P if she doesn't want to.

She hasn't been rude or insulted her or been nasty.She's just indifferent. What is weird is that the opp won't leave it alone.

As a mental health nurse, I can't believe that the opp can't accept to just leave her alone and not take it personally. You don't have to be best buddies with everybody.

I have two that I just don’t bother with. One I see very occasionally (funerals etc) the other I don’t see at all which suits me!

Never even spoken to mine, nor my brother in law, we’ve been in the same room but he’s a grade A twat and god knows what he’s told her about me and DP. They haven’t spoken in 20 years. They are now as father passed away so the have to regarding his estate. From what FIL has told me she’s very high maintenance so not my type of person anyway.

One I really like, two are OK and one I detest. The latter is dealt with by being mainly NC and knowing we all feel the same. She's a dangerous, narcissistic, abusive bully.

I used to go out of my way for my Sil because she is very close to my DH, enabling them to have plenty of sibling chats, using my place as a base for her and her family, I got nothing back, until 1day she got very drunk and was so unbelievably nasty. I was shocked how toxic she was. Never spoke to her from that day but of course it didn’t happen. I didn’t realise there are so many evil Sil s out there

Some folk are just weird or over sensitive and holding a grudge about some random conversation that irritated them 5 yeara ago.

I will say this though, anyone who ignored me to my face would not be my friend on FB, I would go as far as blocking them to stop FB stalking.

Yes! I try to make conversation when I see her or they come round for Sunday dinner and get very little back - even ignored the door to us once and made us stand on the drive till brother in law was back. The same with my partner and his brother and my other sister in law. Even look after their child for her and get very minimal conversation from her if she picks her up. We drop things off etc and she will go in another room. She looks down on us all as if we’re something she’s stood in - even though we all work hard for our money and she doesn’t work and hasn’t in the 2 years we have known her😬

Yes yes you’ve tried to make this point a number of times. I can’t see where she says she’s not married? Why does it matter so much anyway? It’s still the same relationship.

indifference is not the same as being rude. It sounds to me like the sil is rude.

I have 3 SIL’s.

1 is batshit crazy and I will do anything not to spend time with her. If not for the fact that she is DH’s sister I would never ever have someone like her in my orbit. How she comes from the same place as DH will forever be a mystery to me.

2 is lovely, one of life’s really sound people.

3 is ok, I’m never totally sure where I stand with her but we get on fine on the surface and my brother seems to like her well enough which is all that matters.

I have a SIL that I speak to no more than once every few years. We have very little in common. She detests my DH (her brother) for reasons I’ve never really understood and has barely spoken with him for 30 years so I guess we were never likely to be close.

First pageif you'd actually read it. The first page she says my partner, not my husband.

It isn't the same relationship because she is not married to her partner. Therefore, she does not have an in law relationship or a legal relationship with any of these people, not even her own partner.

OP is exaggerating her place in all of this.

She has mental health issues and doesn't want to be her friend.Why doesn't she just leave her alone?I would expect better from a mental health nurse of all people.

Mine (brother's wife) is ok, we get on, but she is very very reserved. She comes across as rude and stand offish. She wouldn't bother making conversation if I didn't initiate it. But I respect her and don't actively dislike her. She's not overly close to her own family. I think she's just very reserved and a bit aloof. I just accept that's her personality. I'd have liked a sister in law friendship. But you can't force something that isn't there or force somebody to be something they're not. Is what it is.

I do think sometimes with in laws there is this misguided view that they should treat each other like the words in the title. I.e "mother in law" = mother like relationship status. But actually it really doesn't it. It literally means your husband's (or wife's) mother. It's theirs not yours if that makes sense. I do think there's some pressure for some random woman who happens to be your husbands mother to start acting like a mother to you. Same applies to sister in law.

I fully admit I kind of felt like that to begin with "ooh a sister of sorts" but it actually really isn't the case Is it ? Perhaps that pressure and weight placed on those "by marriage only relations " causes some hefty unnecessary weight to be placed there. Doomed to fail ?

I am always polite.

Nearly 34 years ago I met SIL1 and SIL2 for lunch the week before my wedding. SIL actually told me that I should think carefully about marrying her brother because he was a capitalist bastard.

Whenever I have met her, she has played the world's noisiest violin about how little they have, blah, blah. How tired she is, blah, blah. She's poor because she and her partner are work avoidant - they are creative and it's just too boring for them. He never visits her family because he is addicted to weed and he wouldn'tbe able to smoke it.

When she had one small son, we took them away for the w/e. She watched while he battered my 16 month old, she watched while he threw rocks at other children, she watched whilst he tried to wreck a holiday lodge. She lay on her back reading while dh and I cooked, washed up, supervised children, having prepped a birthday tea for her son and bought him a cake. Every time she was offered a drink, coffee, a meal, she said yes. Not once did she offer to buy the dc so much as an icecream.

I sent birthday and Christmas gifts until her son was three. There was no thank you or reciprocation just messages via MIL about what was wrong with what had been sent.

When her father died, she decided not to attend the funeral because the upset and MIL's grief would be too much to make a short journey worthwhile.

All of her children have now dropped out. One is addicted to gaming.

Despite her social principles, she's never been shy of asking her capitalist bastard brother for a handout.

Thankfully she lives on the other side of the world and has only visited her parents/mother 4 times in 35 years. I have no time for her and suspect she'll be here faster than anyone can say "Jack Robinson" when her mother dies, to find out what her third adds up to.

She isn't nasty, she's just not my type and I dislike the laziness, and her can't be bovvered and woe is me attitude. I have swallowed "well, if you worked a bit harder, you wouldn’t be skint" so many times.

Sweet catharsis.

I have two SIL's both of them totally toxic, look down their noses at me, ignore me or speak over me. Don't answer if I ask a question or pay them a compliment.
Lots of smirking and eye rolling, it is all very subtle but also very deliberate.
Husband thinks I imagine it all!
As soon as FIL isn't around anymore I will go NC with both of them, no doubt they feel the same.
They both have very well paid jobs are very attractive and are high flyers. I am not any of those things, however, I am a kind, decent human being who would never make anyone else feel unworthy or inferior.
I just avoid family situations as much as possible and will continue to do so.

You are not alone OP, you can't and won't change your SIL's behaviour but you can change how you react to it.
I saw a post the other day which said 'learn to walk away from people and situations where respect is not served' which really resonated with me, perhaps it resonates with you as well.

Yes mine decided about 5 years ago ( after getting on ok for about 20 years)to remove me from Facebook. She had obviously taken to something I said. She lives alone and I had noticed her views becoming more right wing. I’m the opposite. I guess people change. She tried to bad mouth me to DH and daughters but it’s just reflected badly on her. It’s her loss. I will be civil in future but that’s it.