Does anyone else have a sister in law they don't get on with?

[LastnightIDreamedofManderley]

This is something that doesn't bother me as such, but clearly has enough for me to post a thread about.
I've always tried to be chatty with her (despite my introversion) and to be friendly, but she really shows no interest towards me. Known her for over 5 years. It's the kind of situation where I'd ask how are you, how's work going etc, I get the bare minimum answers and she never asks me anything of myself, hence no relationship has developed.
I find it a little depressing, as clearly she's decided she doesn't like me but I'm not sure why, as every time I see her I do make an effort to engage her in conversation/show I'm interested but I get nothing back. Makes me feel a little shitty, as it'd be nice to have some sort of relationship but it's clearly not happening. Is anyone else experiencing this? Am I doing something wrong? I don't think I am, actually, but it seems only right that I query it!

Yep. She was one of those queen bee types who had to have everything all about herself.
she was absolutely vile to my MIL when me and eXH got together she was still a teenager so was understandable, but then she grew up and nothing changed.
but then she fell ill with something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy and died. So all the rest paled into insignificance after that.

Yes, I have 2, one on each side.
One of them I'd never have liked - she's the sort of person I'd have kept my distance from at school etc.

I wonder if any of these SIL read threads like these and recognise their own behaviour. I do wonder if my ex SIL, who struggles with friendships because of her poor behaviour would read this and have any self reflection. I know she's on mumsnet but her lack of self awareness is astonishing sometimes.
I also wonder about the people who make threads all about 'not liking other people' or 'never having others in their house' and what their family and friends must think about them.

I don’t like my sil. We are polar opposite people.

But, you wouldn’t know my feelings when we’re together. I could never be rude or just ignore her. I’m shocked that people are like that tbh.

Maybe ask her outright the next time she’s rude?

One of mine probably thinks that I don’t get on with her. I make no effort to see her (does live 5 hours drive away) and decline invitations to stay. I’m perfectly pleasant to her when we do meet,

She drinks to excess, starting at lunchtime, and takes recreational drugs and I have no wish to be around her. She has there primary age children and I think her behaviour is appalling, but to everyone else she is wonderful and the life and soul of the party.

Hilarious.

Have you ever thought that people might be very different from you? That one doesn't have to like everyone they meet and certainly doesn't need to invite people they dislike to their house?

I dislike my SIL because she's overbearing and holier-than-thou. Do I need to spend time with her because I am married to her brother? Do I need to invite her to my house when I don't enjoy her company? The answer to both these questions are no, I don't.

I speak to and see people I enjoy spending time with. If OPs SIL doesn't engage to her it seems clear that SIL has no interest on having a relationship with OP, and I suspect there will be good reasons for that. I wouldn't be surprised if OP is just a bit too needy.

My partners sister HATES me. She doesn’t even pretend she doesn’t!!! Calls me names to my face, begs him
to leave me etc. She has never met our son because he’s mine… buys his other children birthday/xmas presents etc says she has 2 nephews not 3. I just refuse to be anywhere she may be now. She even used to come into where I worked and give me shit in there… I left the job in the end. My partner can attend family events on his own if he wants but he chooses to not bother. Guess who gets the blame for that!!! She’s caused a massive family rift by not even giving me a chance. Some people are just odd.

I have 2 SiL. One is in this country and moved PiL to her town in their later years which is over 200 miles away from us. As a result she takes them to medical appointments, sorts out carers etc. Other is in US. We don't get on with her as she intermittently sends vile emails to OH saying he doesn't do enough to help with iLs and that the other sister is a saint etc etc for all she does. Just how he's meant to go there regularly when he works full time goodness knows - we go as often as we can when he has a few days off in a row.

I don't have any communication with her at all. She occasionally comes over and rearranges everything in their house so they don't know where anything is, but we don't go down when she visits. Tbh the next time we see her will probably be at one of their funerals where I shall be civil but no more.

Yes. She's a thief. Not much I can do about it. I'm waiting for the kids to get old enough so I don't have to deal with her.

Hmm I'm kind of on the other side of this. My SIL is a total nightmare - not going into details as its too outing - but after years of putting up with her drama and nonsense and the shitty way she treats her parents and brother, not to mention her carcrash parenting, I distance myself as much as possible. She probably thinks I'm a cold, stuck up kitchen but chilly politeness is the absolute best I can manage.

Stuck up kitchen?! Bitch!

We got off on the wrong foot and just never gelled - even after 20 years. The first time I met them both I heard my SIL dismissing me to my MIL when they thought I was out of earshot. I obviously didn't impress her at all 😁 She always spoke at me (not to me) and never asked me any Qs about my life. I had the temerity to marry her favourite brother (I didn't invite her to be a bridesmaid as we weren't close) and she wore black and had a face like a slapped arse all the way through the wedding and photos! Despite this we later invited her to be one of our DCs godmothers, and she did have a relationship with them although was still frosty with me. She often asked us to bail her out financially and my DH felt sorry for so we did help her but it never made her thaw. She died 15 years ago and the last phone conversation with her before she died was how much DH and me were a disappointment to her. This despite attending some of her medical appointments with her to give her some support at a time when DH also had cancer and was undergoing treatment. She even tried to compete with DH about whose cancer was worse and why he should be supportig her more! He just rolled his eyes.

Looking back on it maybe I should have tried harder to get closer and find any common ground with her but she came across as so superior (probably very insecure) it just got my back up.

Wow - that was cathartic!

I'm in my 60's and have little to do with my SIL. I have tried over the years but discovered she likes to play mind games and I can't be arsed. She would air her scathing opinion of her mother and relate them back to MIL saying they were my opinions. Totally ridiculous, childish behaviour.
I just send an annual Christmas card, end of.

Only one! I don't get on with both of mine.

You don’t have to like everyone, and they don’t have to like you.
I’m not keen on my in-laws. I make an effort for the sake of my husband, but I find them all annoying. They probably find me the same. I have plenty of other friends; I don’t need my husband’s family (that I did not choose) to be friends too.

My SIL has behaved ridiculously in the past and never apologised, and I generally find her self-absorbed and self-righteous, so I couldn't care less about pleasing her or being friends. I'm civil and I encourage good family relationships - I think she's a decent aunt - but I don't chit-chat with her or go out of my way. I'm not interested in her dramas.

I have one of these. She never makes any effort. My parents are very good to her and my brother and she's always horrible to my mother especially. It's so bizarre. She has badmouthed my mother to me before which I didn't engage with. She doesn't do that any more.

Makes very little effort to attend family functions, never really acknowledges birthdays or Christmas. When we visit she mainly ignores us and our kids!

Most of her family are like this. They think they are superior. They're extremely insular with poor social skills. So I guess she can't help it on one level.

After being ignored at a recent family function I've decided not to attend anything at their house again because I always leave feeling bad for absolutely no reason, and I don't like to be around my family being ignored and treated badly. I keep in regular contact of course with brother and his kids.

My brother's wife was a nightmare, we had an elder brother who lived in Australia and she decided to tape a family meal to send it to him, unfortunately the quality of the tape was dire and she thought my sister and I were talking about her... we weren't. Umbrage was taken and we apologised as my DB had asked us to. Roll on a couple of years and she was having an affair with his best friend, which unfortunately ended up with mega haemorrhage in the marital bed when she and the BF were having sex... my sister had to pick her up from the hospital to take her home. They subsequently split, but we then discovered she had been physically attacking my DB over the years and this only surfaced when the Police had to be called when she was attacking him on the front lawn when making a pre-arranged collection of his belongings.

So no love lost when his divorce came through... as others have said, we would never have been in her orbit if she had not married our brother.

I'm literally struggling with my sister in law. She's never gives anything back when I try and engage in conversation with her. If it isn't about her then she's not interested. If I happen to mention anything in the slightest about me she doesn't acknowledge it and proceeds to talk about herself. It's exhausting and only recently have I decided to keep my distance, and be civil and courteous when I see her but that's it. I don't plan on engaging in conversation with her anymore. Of course I'll speak to her if she speaks to me but that's it really. I'm tired of trying.

Same here, I even message on her wedding anniversary, she never bothered to reply but instantly replied to my husband! She also cause a big dynamic change with my husband side of the family due to not liking me!

I got on fine with my SiL for 10 years, she was even one of my bridesmaids at my wedding (just her and my two sisters, so really did view her as my new extended family). Then last year we had a huge falling out, she's really shown her true colours and she's simply not a nice person. I tolerate having to maintain a relationship with her purely for my childrens' sake. I can honestly say if we didn't have children I would calmly but happily never willingly be around her again.

My DH feels I should move on and just wants everyone to get on again (SiL acts as if nothing happened) but I can't unhear the vile things she said to me or the morally abhorrent things she's done since.

I prefer my SIL to my brother 🤣🤣

Same here

I've made the effort

Sent her flowers for her birthday, gifts for the kids etc, never says thanks

Last straw was me telling dnephew off for bullying my DD, whilst her and my brother just impassively sat there and did nothing

We basically haven't spoke since

Yes! We have never been friends, she's a stuck up self obsessed queen bee of the family but I refused to pander to her like everyone else does.

6 years ago there was a massive falling out but instead of having a big old row like other families it was all brushed under the carpet, I however lost my shit at her via text because she wouldn't answer my calls. She did not like that and now she will speak to my dh but refuses to have anything to do with me.

Suits me, I can't stand her!

Op I had a sil at least a decade older than me from a different country and I remember trying so hard with her. I know now she's incredibly jealous and mean with totally different values.

However it was dh sil who barely looked up and certainly didn't get up when I introduced df to her that was the death knell for me, oh and sniggering at my disabled family members