I am actually in floods over PoW news

[LindaPen]

But not the way you think.

DH was diagnosed with kidney cancer during lockdown. Had the kidney removed and there was talk of preventative chemotherapy. They decided he didn't need it. A year later he was dead.

I have often wondered (but tried not to think too hard about it) whether that decision would have been different if he'd been someone important, or treated privately and somehow this news has "proved" that. I should have fought for him.

Obviously wish PoW well, but this is hard 😪

I'm so sorry for your loss OP and totally understand why this is difficult for you. I'm sure there are many people who feel the same way today.

There are some spectacularly insensitive people in this thread who have either not read OPs post properly or just don’t think before typing. They need to do better.

I’m so sorry OP. It’s completely understandable why the talk of a very privileged person having preventative treatment, would have stirred up all sorts of emotions for you after a different decision was made for your husband and then losing him. I don’t know if things could have been different for your husband if he received different treatment, but I understand the what’s ifs are very difficult for those left behind.

I’m just so sorry. I hope you have people IRL to support you.

PoW will not have to worry about whether insurance would pay for it. She can just pay

💐

Sorry to hear that.

Someone started a thread earlier in the week asking why people can’t just accept older people get ill and die and wouldn’t it be better to accept that than to make them go through treatment. Several posters on the thread started mentioning withdrawal of treatment and some even mentioned assisted dying. It upset me so much and I found it hard to focus on anything much for the rest of the day.
We all get older and I feel that as services get more stretched what happened to your parents will happen more and more.
Would what happened to your parents have happened to a rich person or someone of high ranking status? Of course it wouldn’t.

That is so sad. I'm sorry.
ExDP had a swollen lymph node and was supposed to be seen within 2 weeks. It took 9 months. It's just obscene.

Sorry for your loss.
This is scary - like the scandal in Canada where disabled people were offered euthanasia rather than disability accommodation in their homes

Sorry to hear about your loss OP. In my ignorance I assumed anyone with cancer gets chemo or radiotherapy after the tumour is removed. That’s pretty shocking that it’s not the case.

I'll be very honest. I felt terrible after seeing that video. Especially after "you are not alone". I understand why some people are upset. My loved one was refused by doctors more than a year. And it was pre Covid. They even told that she needs to see mental health team because she is crazy!
I was with her at all appointments and I simply couldn't stop thinking all night what the outcome would be if she would have title and money. Last stage, aggressive cancer. She found out by private scan, spending her last money. NO BLOODY WAY someone will be treated the same way like royals.
I can imagine what Princess Kate feels as a mum as I'm mum too and had an NHS MRI yesterday after 8 months waiting.
Please, don't say that money can't buy your health or happiness. They CAN BUY a comfort and peace of mind that your kids will access proper care with their trauma. And yes, there are definitely more chances to survive when you can get scans, etc at early stage.
My prays for everyone who has cancer ❤️

I’m so sorry for your loss…Renal Cell Carcinoma (Kidney Cancer) is a really tricky one to treat. My own DH has had it on and off for over 12 years. As traditional chemotherapy is designed to be excreted via the kidneys, it generally has little to no effect on kidney cancers. Immunotherapy is the ‘go to’ treatment now, which is only effective in a small number of cases.
I guess what I am trying to say is, try not to torture yourself over this. It could well have been that the pathology of your DH’s cancer was not compatible with adjuvant therapy. This can only be determined once the histopathology report is available (after the surgery).

It is so so unfair OP. The inequalities in the world make me so, so sad.

I think a lot of people during covid did the best they could with their, or their families health but the NHS was just chaos. A friend of mine took over a year to even get a diagnosis. Absolutely insane.

I’m sorry, OP

I feel the same about my dad, a healthy man who never needed the doctor but then always had stomach pain. Endlessly fobbed off with paracetamol. He died from cancer within 6 months of finally getting diagnosed.

I think what makes me sad is there is people out there who are waiting on waiting lists who's cancer is yet to be discovered . It was a planned op not emergency .

I'm very sorry for your loss OP. I empathise. My father, a truly wonderful, kind, brilliant and generous man, died of sepsis before sepsis became common knowledge. The hospital admitted "mistakes were made". There was plenty of time to save him, and no-one did. I've been through - if we were rich - if we'd had private healthcare - if he were White - if he'd been more assertive (he was a man who always put others before himself, the type to be in A and E telling others to go before him)....but none of those things were the case, and died an awful, preventable death. The injustice of it burns me inside.

I still struggle when "dangers of sepsis" is in the news.

I suspect if Kate was a 'normal' person, she'd still be sat on an NHS waiting list somewhere for the initial op, cancer as yet undiagnosed...actually she'd probably be in a phone queue to the GP surgery trying to get a virtual appointment sometime in the next 2 months. Terrible news though and I wish her well.
Sorry for your loss OP.

Theyre all NHS consultants, they have to be normally. A few continue private for a couple of years after nhs retirement but it's not common.

The state of the nhs is so sad, 1 in 2 will now get cancer in their lifetime and the waits are awful

Sorry to all, its such a tricky time

I totally empathise with you op, I’m sure that if I were in your shoes I would feel exactly the same.

This can’t be denied and whilst it is awful news for them and very scary I think with the absolutely dire state of the NHS a lot of people will secretly be feeling resentful. Cancer is so so unfair. The people I know who’ve had it have led healthy lifestyles, done all the ‘right things’, and most have been in their 30s/40s. It’s horrifying.

Sorry for your loss OP 💐

Cancer killed my mum three months after diagnosis (aged 69)
Her own mother, my Nan, died of cancer

it’s not looking good for me is it but, hey ho, I have to enjoy life whilst I’m here 😃

Many don't need it if its a solid cancer and clear margins, we often dont - chemo isnt without risks, ive had many die of the immunocompromise it causes and then theyve caught a normal infection. Certain cancers aren't amenable to either of them and we don't provide treatment that gives only harm for no benefit. Immunotherapies are rapidly developing for certain cancers now

I'm really sorry you had to go through this.

Not pandemic related but my mum had cancer and changed surgeon halfway through her treatment. The initial surgeon seemed upbeat, the plan was chemo, surgery then more chemo. He had done an initial exploratory surgery. He seemed positive that it was treatable.

Just before her surgery he went off on sick leave and a new surgeon came in. Right away he said he didn't think the surgery would would work, he was surprised we were positive and he said he'd had to have the same conversation with two other families. He wasn't able to do the surgery and there was no further treatment available.

We've been left with doubts- would surgery straight away have been successful rather than waiting on chemo first? Was the first surgeon more experienced? Maybe he'd have been able to do it while the second was younger and newer. We'll never know and she's was only early 60's.

I’m really sorry for you and your husband .

healthcare isn’t equal even if it should be.
I can tell you I’m from a different country where there is A LOT more preventative medicine . Yearly check ups, 3 yearly breast uss for young women , mammogram from age 40 abd I could carry on . I always wonder if something is gonna get missed here . They refused to do a cervical
scan when I was pregnant and I went onto losing that baby later on because of my cervix being too short . Yes I still think what if , but I did not have control over everything, I can’t blame myself , I wasn’t a doctor I didn’t write the policy, it’s just not fair . Life isn’t fair , at all.

But you can’t blame yourself . I’m sure you did the absolute best you could and despite all the what if , you just will never know.
im a nurse and I can tell there are patients who regret having chemo because it didn’t make a difference and ruined the quality of the little life they had left . Some people, very rare, refuse chemo and go on to live as long as who opted to have it , or even longer . Some get cured some don’t . You just don’t know who you are going to be . And sometimes despite everything, even cancer that are highly curable don’t respond to treatment. You can only do your best . Money don’t buy you health , they can buy you treatment, but there is no guarantee for anybody. You couldn’t see the future and you can’t change the past. Try not to torture yourself , you do not deserve that xx

It’s bound to be triggering. And natural to think what if.

So sorry ,op.

So sorry, OP and I can also understand why you feel like this. But when we or someone we love is ill, we're in the hands of the doctors. We listen to their advice because we can't do otherwise - and I'm sure this is what you did. I know it's easy for others to say, but you have nothing to blame yourself for and I'm sure your DH would say the same to you. Different cases of illness are different - and sometimes doctors don't always explain things/reasons as clearly as they could. Our heads tell us this, but our hearts still say 'what more could I have done?' and that's normal.

I think a previous poster's advice is good - to take a step back for a couple of days, to let the news about Kate subside a little - it's brought back such sad memories. Be kind to yourself, OP - you did everything you could and I'm sure he knew how much you cared. Big hug.

I also imagine there are risks with chemo as well, in that it is an invasive treatment that can cause long term issues, so it's always a balancing act.