I am actually in floods over PoW news

[LindaPen]

But not the way you think.

DH was diagnosed with kidney cancer during lockdown. Had the kidney removed and there was talk of preventative chemotherapy. They decided he didn't need it. A year later he was dead.

I have often wondered (but tried not to think too hard about it) whether that decision would have been different if he'd been someone important, or treated privately and somehow this news has "proved" that. I should have fought for him.

Obviously wish PoW well, but this is hard 😪

What a lovely, thoughtful post. I'm so sorry about your loss of a family member by suicide - that's so hard to process.
Sending you peaceful thoughts xx

I am so sorry and sending love.

I had breast cancer in my 40s including preventative chemo after 2 surgeries and I think the oncologists have to best guess when it will be helpful and when it won't. In my case there is a model which showed a 6% more chance of being alive in 10 years with it and 94% chance it would make no difference just cause side effects which with some chemos can include a risk of heart failure. I opted to do chemo as I have kids, one with SN but its not always clear cut and you get many people who take every treatment offered and still don't make it and others who defy the odds and make it despite not doing treatment.

I don't think there's anything more you could have done, it sounds like you loved and supported him which is all you could have done. I do think privately you get better treatment but its mainly in terms of speed, quality of food, getting own room, better tests etc and the clinical decisions are generally the same. But this does affect outcomes. My cancer was spotted only on an MRI and the NHS refuse to give follow up scans as MRIs so I have to pay privately to check accurately whether or not I have cancer. My chemo and radio were both after the recommended start times. My oncologist works privately and NHS so often they are in both systems. One thing I would mention to anyone going through this is you are allowed to get a second opinion on the NHS though this can delay treatment starting.

I really feel for Kate going through this early 40s with kids and the world hounding her for information, I am sure she will have the best medical care and her kids the best support but it still must be a nightmare and you could see that in the video. I suspected cancer with the moonface she had as that's steroids and I had that with chemo but as they had previously said not I thought not. Hopefully this will highlight what more needs to be done in cancer treatment to get our survival rates up. But I hope she and her family have privacy at this very difficult time and that she can make a recovery.

I know if I die I would want my husband not to be traumatised by that and want him to live his life to the full and I hope with time you can do that.

Weird, those of us who are on another thread (about obesity) are all being told that our steroid moonface is just because we eat too much. 🤷‍♀️

I'm so sorry .
I completely understand what you are saying.
There is undeniable inequality in healthcare.
POW cancer was probably picked up early and of course she will have best possible care- no waiting times , prompt treatment to give her best possible chance of a good outcome.

Im so sorry about your DH, when someone dies there is always what ifs- no matter the circumstances.
I wonder if your GP or PALS can answer any of your questions.
Preventative chemo could have made a difference or the cancer could have got him anyway and he could have been very ill with side effects of chemo.
It's so difficult but your feelings are valid and understandable.
You and your DH understandably trusted the professionals advice- most of
us would also have done exactly the same- after all who wants to argue good news - you did nothing wrong.

OP ❤️ I wish I had words. You're so strong

I am really upset for the royal family. I’ve lost my sister to cancer and I’ve had ovarian cancer. It’s a truly dreadful disease.

She’s so young, she has three young children, it’s not fair. She looks so thin and forlorn. I truly hope and pray that she’s going to make a full recovery. 😭

My friend was suffering with headaches and pressure behind eye, but her NHS GP was prescribing her painkillers, antibiotics and antidepressants. When she went private after 2 years, they found a tumour on her brain. It was too late. She was only 58. Worked really hard all her live, raised DCs, paid taxes and in the end was let down by NHS so so badly.
Yes, inequality is so obvious.

I’m so sorry for what you have been through OP. I had bowel cancer and adjuvant (preventative) chemo. Every person, every cancer is different. In my case I was told that for 3 out of 5 people their cancer will not come back even if they don’t have chemo. 1 out of 5 people the cancer will not come back if they have chemo, but will return if they don’t have it. And 1 out of 5 people the cancer will come back no matter what they do. I chose to have the chemo in case I was the person for whom it could make a difference. Obviously your DH’s situation was different however I thought I would share that as there is a chance that treatment may not have helped him. The fact he died within a year indicates it was quite an aggressive cancer. Again I’m so sorry. I understand how triggering these kinds of events are - I’m having to stay away from a lot of commentary as suddenly everyone is a cancer expert and the things they say are often ill-informed and frankly ghoulish.

Cassandra Steroids can cause moonface, I have since had tests for Cushings and got that which never had pre chemo. Was a normal BMI in chemo. Can make you eat a lot as well but its different more like swelling.

I know, I got Cushing's too. But the pious people in the obesity thread disagree.

I agree, I am sure your GP would be happy to chat you through it op, or PALS. It's totally understandable to be asking these questions and think it must be really really hard to process

Oh that's devastating. So many very sad stories.

I have a different perspective. Firstly, OP, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and I completely get why today's news has been triggering .

I had breast cancer diagnosed at the beginning of the pandemic. I had immediate surgery and then my active treatment followed without any issues. I had preventative chemo. A MDT meeting was had about this because my tumour was contained and there was no lymph involvement so my surgeon was confident I wouldn't need it. Oncologist, on the other hand, felt that four cycles of "belts and braces" was the best thing. I also had a year of immunotherapy. It is a clinical decision and I'd perhaps try and speak to somebody about the decision made in terms of your husband as it might bring you some peace.

My mother was treated privately for cancer. It was disastrous. Everything was based on what the insurers were willing to pay for and the utter nightmare of scans and other treatments would have happened as a matter of course under the NHS but was a constant battle under private. I can't say whether the outcome would be different as she had an awful aggressive cancer but a lot of the trauma she had could have been avoided. I do not believe you get any better treatment privately.

Farrah Fawcett was wealthy and sought to find a cure but couldn't.

George Harrison also tried and couldn't beat cancer either.

They may have bought a few more years due to their wealth but that's all.

Sorry for your loss.

I had a terrible moonface from steroids when I was having treatment. Also constant hunger and insomnia. I found the steroids harder to deal with than the chemo. Hideous.

So many treatments are so savage aren't they.

Money gets you better treatment. It's not fair.

Different for Kate though as with that level of wealth you don't have to worry whether an insurer will pay out

(I am so sorry to hear about your mum though, I am in a group for my rare condition and a lot of people are in the US and I see stories like this all the time)

I imagine op and her DH would have taken just a few more years.though

I understand too. I was diagnosed with breast cancer during covid and it was decided that I needed neither chemotherapy or radiotherapy. Within a year it was back and spread all over. I wanted to have chemotherapy but I was told there was no need. I tend to think it’s cost-cutting, but who knows?

Oh I am so sorry, it must be very hard to trust what you were told

I understand too, DH was diagnosed during lockdown after a battle to even get him seen. He had surgery, then chemo but the signs and symptoms of a DVT were ignored by a local hospital and within days he had a massive stroke. All treatment was withdrawn and he died shortly afterwards. He had been about to start a medical trial which might've given us more time. His treatment from start to finish was awful. I too have those awful feelings of having failed him

What kind or arse do you have to be to talk of a few more years as if it's nothing?

I wish you could have had just a few more years or him @LindaPen x

I must admit the POW last sentence “you are not alone” after the earlier “I've had a fantastic medical team” made me cringe a bit.

I absolutely wish any young (or old) person, including royalty, going through this, or any other serious illness the best outcomes, but let’s not pretend for one second they stand beside someone at the mercy of NHS waiting lists and budgets.

Of course money can’t always buy health, but it can buy the best/right treatments, promptly, it buys dignity and support during that treatment, it buys confidence and reassurance a team isn’t making decisions on your life based on their budget that year. It buys not having to work during the first rounds of chemo to keep money coming in.

I accept that this is the way of the world, the difference between the haves and the have nots, but don’t take them for fools with “you are not alone”. when people are sitting at home, or struggling to work, feeling exactly that as they wait for a referral.