I am actually in floods over PoW news

[LindaPen]

But not the way you think.

DH was diagnosed with kidney cancer during lockdown. Had the kidney removed and there was talk of preventative chemotherapy. They decided he didn't need it. A year later he was dead.

I have often wondered (but tried not to think too hard about it) whether that decision would have been different if he'd been someone important, or treated privately and somehow this news has "proved" that. I should have fought for him.

Obviously wish PoW well, but this is hard 😪

Did you not read what the OP said?

They are taking about the inequalities in cancer treatment.

Its understandable. My dad died 6 weeks after being told his cancer had cleared ( from the initial site)
It was an aggressive cancer with a poor prognosis at the time, but now has treatments available with good results.
Every time I hear mentions of how good the treatment is now my heart breaks that just a few years after he died he would have probably survived it due to breakthroughs in treatment.

Of course they do, but I don't think anyone could argue they don't have more resources thrown at trying to save them.

It's the preventative chemotherapy that's thrown me. Before the op he was going to have it, then he wasn't, and I've never been convinced that was an entirely clinical decision.

Oh this is so sad, I’m so sorry for your loss @LindaPen

My DH was diagnosed with prostate cancer during lockdown and had a prostatectomy - he's ok. The NHS was v good. But now every cough, every ailment, is a worry. My heart goes out to anyone, and their loved ones, who receives a diagnosis.

I hear you, and I sympathise.

I am also struggling because it feels like the whole world sees illness as a binary of cancer (bad, deserves sympathy) and everything else (trivial, you should just get on with things).

It's so unfair and cruel. Whatever surgery Kate originally had was clearly very serious and devastating and she already deserved sympathy and support.

It must be impossible not to run the "what is" through your mind, and I really feel for you

Sending you much love and strength OP

And anyone else going through this shit condition

💐

I'm so sorry OP.

Im so very sorry @LindaPen

I’m so sorry for your loss. Can totally understand your reaction to the news today. The “ what if” moments really cut to the quick.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can see how this news would be triggering.

My deepest sympathy OP. However a medical decision that chemo was unnecessary would not have been taken on how important he was but on the medical data. Sometimes doctors make mistakes.

I'm so sorry for your terrible loss.

My parents had/have access to private health care. They use a mixture of NHS and private. Virtually all the private consultants they saw also did NHS work.

IME there's a pretty good chance he'd have had the same advice and quite possibly from the same person.

Not that you're at all unreasonable to grieve over the what-ifs and if-onlys as well as over losing your beloved husband. But it's very unlikely there'd have been a different outcome, and I hope that helps you to torture yourself slightly less tonight. 🌾

I'm so sorry, OP. Please, though, don't beat yourself up. I think even if you'd fought nothing might have changed especially during lockdown. Today must have hit you really hard. I burst into tears too which took me by surprise but I'm currently being treated - after it took ages to find my cancer - and I've reached the stage where I just want it to be done. I've another week of radiotherapy, on big chemo and three weeks of portable chemo and then I have to wait and see if any of it has worked. I got a feeding tube yesterday and my best friend headed off to India. I think all of that was what made me burst into tears. I mean I feel sorry for the poor woman but I feel more sorry for myself right now and I definitely feel more for you. Please be kind to yourself and I am so sorry you lost your DH in such a horrible way.

p.s. I later burst into tears because the food was so good on The Great British Menu, so it's fair to say that it hasn't taken much to set me off today. I didn't cry when I read about your husband but did feel a profound sadness that you had to deal with that and then see this.

Yes I get you, if our families had the same priority and urgency to medical care then absolutely it would be a different story for loved ones who didn't. They could have been diagnosed earlier and got the treatment they needed, rather than being fobbed off for years to the stage of incurable stage 4 cancer. Sympathies of course with everyone rich or poor, but the procedures don't have the same priority.

I know sweetheart, my Dad complained of backache for years but didn't even get a scan. We DC didn't realise, he didn't complain to us, but if he had I would've demanded it! Then stage 4 cancer through a routine check. There really is one rule for the rich with immediate checks and treatment and another one for the rest of us. I stand by that and anyone who wants to argue bring it on! Xx

My mum died of kidney cancer and I’ve been on a lot of kidney cancer forums. It seems to be that if a tumour is small they may just operate and check (obviously can’t be 100%) it’s not spread. If it has then targeted therapy or immunotherapy is used. Small tumours may not even be operated on. It seems to come down to the hospital, dr etc money doesn’t seem to come into it. I do think you need to do your own research and question the drs and in some cases yes push for treatments or trials though. My mum had hers removed yet some people don’t as their surgeon won’t do it. I’m so sorry for your loss x

I think doing your own research and talking to doctors, etc is probably the right thing to do but when the diagnosis comes it's a punch in the gut, then the treatment starts and you feel awful so much of the time that it's easy (not easy at all, but ...) to just go with the flow of the treatment. I think our first thought is that the doctors know what they're doing and want the best for us. By the time you find out that even if the doctors wanted the best for you and they knew some stuff they might not have known enough stuff it's often too late.

Put lockdown on top of all of this and it was a nightmare for anyone having to deal with cancer. I wouldn't wish any of this on my worst enemy at the best of times, but I watched a friend die of cancer through lockdown and I wouldn't wish that on the worst people in the world.

We don't do enough preventative medicine in this country and this goes for everything, far too much reactive oh wait and see type. It's probably becuase we can't afford to do it but of course you are right OP, she will get the best treatment that other people won't due to postcode lottery or long waiting times. Of course she will now be getting regular checks and so on. That is the inequality that won't change.

I’m so sorry to hear OP, I have cancer myself. I think they’ve done studies about adjuvant (or mop up) chemo & they’ve discovered that in some cases the cancer won’t come back even without the preventative chemo & sometimes it will even with it. So it’s a lottery but for a lot of people the chemo doesn’t make as much difference as you might think. This was from the programme about cancer with Dr Hannah Fry.

It has obviously brought up a lot of feelings for you to do with your own loss and circumstances. The UK lags behind Europe in terms of cancer treatment and of course, Kate will get the best of the best, gold standard treatments that may not be available to others on the NHS. It is unfair from that perspective but cancer IS unfair. I am so sorry for your loss and I do hope that you have people around to give you lots of hugs and that you can go easy of yourself whilst these feelings are so apparent. I empathise but from a different perspective due to the suicide of a close family member and it was torture trying to rack my brains if I had missed anything or could have done something to prevent it. It is a dreadful thing to have to go through and then we punish ourselves with guilt. I don't know everything, but I would guarantee that if your husband were here today, he would not want you to feel this way. Is there someone you can talk to about it?

Massive love send your way . If you need closure you can ask the hospital for a review if his care and check if they where neglectful . I see lots of people who went through the same doing it and it may offer you some closure .
unfortunately we all know Kate will be having the best of the best of h oh will be miles better than any “ mortal “, not unfortunately because she doesn’t deserve it , but because that should be what everyone gets . I still wish her well and hope she recovers , off course

Oh OP I am so sorry.

I don’t think that’s necessarily the case, though, there are many times it’s not advised, so please try not to torture yourself with that.