What is your take on the old adage, "A son is a son until he takes a wife. A daughter is daughter all of her life"?

[Bayleaftree63]

Just that really... interested in your thoughts.

Broadly true.

There's always outliers but yes I think it's generally the case.

Someone told me this when my pfb, ds was a few weeks old. A complete stranger in Leeks (the out of down department store). I mean, why?

And how DIL treats mil. It's not automatically the mil

I have three brothers and am the only girl.
We are all equally close to our DM, if anything one of my younger brothers is closer than me.

Likewise my aunt had two boys and is still very close despite everyone being grown and married.

My husband also has a great relationship with his mother, I'd say it's different to the one my sister in law has but still very good.

Unless she marries a gaslighting narcissist who convinces her that the previously great relationship she had with her parents was actually unhealthy and bordering on abuse

I used to think it was rubbish, until my brother got married and we've barely seen him since while him, his wife and their now kids see her family all of the time. No family fallout or issue, he just doesn't make the effort.

For want of a better phrase - poppycock!

Brother and SiL always had a fantastic relationship with our late Mum & my DH adored his late Mum and always made efforts to see her regularly - she was lovely.
My own DS has been closer to me since he settled down with DIL and they had a baby. Saw less of him when he was single and travelling/out with friends all the time.

It’s rubbish and just something else to fuel the whole MIL is a witch bitch brigade. We all know how MN bloody loves a MIL 🙄🙄

Pile of horse crap

Happened with my bil. His wife actually said to my mil that he’s part of their family now. He definitely grew more distant to the family.

I gained a daughter 🥰.

Definitely not true in our case. DH's parents live round the corner and we see them most days. In fact, he and his brother spend much more time with his parents than any of his sisters do. One hasn't bothered with them in 15 years.

Agreed but the phrase indicates that mums lose their sons when they marry

@AmusedMaker I go to football matches with my son so we can have time together (prefer that to a spa day to be honest)

I think this happens more often than many people on here admit....women so often control the families social life and do the organising. They naturally gravitate to their own family and the husband just passively goes along with it

I agree. I think this happens more frequently than people care to admit.
I don't think blaming MILS and DILS is helpful - surely sons should continue to take responsibility for their relationship with their parents.

Excellent response

I think it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. People expect a son to leave the when he grows up so they don’t put as much effort into fostering a good relationship with him as they would a daughter. It also wasn’t always the case, Year’s ago it would be the daughter who left home and went to her husbands family and the son would stay near his.

I also think that it’s the pressure on women to be caring means that more women stay around their families and care for elderly parents, I don’t necessarily think it’s because women want to.
When I worked at a care home there were lots of people who had lived with their daughters for years until their daughters just couldn’t take it anymore. They’d rant to everyone about how horrible their daughter was for leaving them, yet their son would visit once a month and they’d treat him like the second coming!.

In my family my mum and her mum are very close, but there’s also a lot of tension because my mum is close to my Nan because she feels she has to be, not because they get on. Whereas my dad and his mum get on brilliantly, he makes an effort to see her regularly and as I got older she became my favourite nan because I realised I actually enjoy her company and I’m not just around her because I feel I have to be.

Sorry for rambling and any spelling/grammar mistakes. I had my first night out since having DD and I’ve got the worst hangover ever and I can’t make much sense of what I’m saying😂.

@Microdisney I agree

I call my mother in law, my mother, my siblings and DH siblings because my husband has no interest in doing so. He is quite happy with just our own family whereas I feel the need to keep up contact so our children have close relationships with grandparents and cousins

surely sons should continue to take responsibility for their relationship with their parents.

And parents themselves, probably most importantly actually. If you don't invest the time with your child, listen to them, find common ground with them, value your time with them, then why would your son want to remain close to his parents when grown up? And as a parent, that is largely on you.

At best it is childish saying - think it is sexist and quite nasty. Can be a self-fulfilling prophecy unfortunately, especially if parents are emotionally immature.

That was my first thought too-even if the daughter has a family of her own, she's still supposed to care for her mother.

Nonsense. Just because something rhymes, it doesn't make it true.

I think with most things it’s true sometimes and false at others.

My ex is from a family of 3 sons and one daughter. Now his mum is old and frail it’s the daughter who is selling up and moving 200 miles to move in with her mum.

Shes the only one still married to her original partner, two of the brothers are divorced, one remarried. Their children (MILs grandchildren) are all adult and all over the country.

So in this particular case it’s true.

It's just an excuse for controlling women and letting men get away with whatever they like.

My mother always used to get me to come to family events early to help clean her house. One time I told her to get my brothers to help and she said she couldn't let them see the house in that state! I don't go to family events anymore. For some reason I'm always busy!

@ConJob so parents on here need to ensure we don’t bring up DC this way, so helping/chores within the house are equal responsibility, doesn’t matter what sex the DC are.