Which is more important to not miss? The end of year 6 or the beginning of year 7

[elliejjtiny]

Ds4 is in year 6. He has been waiting nearly 2.5 years for an operation that has been cancelled twice. It's uncertain how this operation will affect him but we are talking at least 2 weeks off school and potentially on a reduced timetable for 4 weeks after that. His mobility will be affected and while most children aren't too bad, he already struggles with mobility. Last time he had treatment that most children would be ok with he ended up in a wheelchair for 6 weeks. He will also be on a complicated regime of meds to try and stop the operation failing and having to be redone.

We've been told that his operation might be some time in the summer. I went to parents evening last week and the head teacher stressed it was really important for him not to miss all the secondary school visits, school camp, leavers assembly etc. Tbh from a selfish point of view I want to watch ds do his leavers assembly and walk arm in arm down the field on sports day with the rest of year 6 too. He's come a long way and there were times, especially in the beginning, when we didn't think he would be able to do this. He really wants to do this rite of passage with his friends. Then there is the beginning of year 7 with the settling in and the year 7 camp which the secondary school teachers say is vital that he doesn't miss as well.

Although there is a little bit of leeway and we can say no operation on these dates, unless he has the operation near the beginning of the summer holidays he is going to miss things. And I don't know if we should be prioritising the end of year 6 or the beginning of year 7. My family are no help at all, they just say if he misses out on this stuff it's no big deal but I know ds would be heartbroken to miss any of it. He got really upset when he found out he had to miss the Easter assembly at school to go to the pre op appointment next week and that is minor compared to the other things.

Is the operation some thing you would want to put back another year, if that were even an option? I can see why you don’t want to miss either.

I’d say not to miss end of year six. It’s a really special time.

The first term of secondary school, there is still a bit of pupil movement. So new children joining school up til Christmas holidays isn’t unusual.

The only caveat I’d give is that sometimes year six production can be poorly handled, and children with minor roles might spend a bit too long having to sit silently in the back of a hall while teachers get cross 😁 also, your child is more likely to miss learning at start of y7 than end y6, so I’d consider how that may impact your child.

What a tough decision OP.

How many friends are moving up to year 7 with him?

Surely missing end of year 6 is better then has summer to recover and starts at secondary on a level playing field? The new friendships are what will carry him forward the next 5 years or so and unfortunately first impressions count, missing out on those first few days even could mean friendships are already being formed that he's outside of, I get the sentimental reasons behind the year 6 end but secondary is his future.

Start of Y7 is more important

What personality type is he? The beginning of year 7 is about learning how senior schools work, meeting each subject teacher, making friends etc . A particularly confident child might be able to miss that . Mine would not do well without that introduction.

I would pick missing year 6 but feel sad about it. Hopefully his recovery would mean it wouldn't every special event would be missed.

This is what I was going to say.

I think what will be will be and I really wouldn't put it off. You and he will just deal with whatever time it is. The start of year 7 is really important in establishing new rules, friendships, routines and the older kids are usually quite tolerant of new squeaky year 7s. However, there are pupils who join later and are perfectly fine. Missing year 6 seems like a big deal at the time but having sat through the crappy last assembly where the same kids who always got the speaking parts every year dominated, its not all that. I think as adults we conflate these things to being more than they are. Kids just get on with it! Some parents go on holiday early so those. Children miss out. I've never known, apart from covid year, any child ever complain about having to miss end of year 6. They usually do their trips in May after the SATS so hopefully he won't miss that.

The waiting lists given what they are...I think you just have to accept whatever time he gets the op. Best of luck to him - he sounds amazing and a thoroughly stalwart young person.

I would 100% go for missing end of year 6 and giving them the summer to recover. There are a million and one ways he can be included without actually being there if the head actually helps out instead of being as negative as this!

For example, live stream the event, including a quick hello from him so he gets to wave from wherever he is and have a FatHead (do you have those in the UK?) that his best mate waves so everyone can see him. They can make him feel special instead of excluded and a livestream for the entire class would allow anyone who couldn't make it to also be there.

End of year 6 is magical and the memories last. It’s when they finally get to be a big fish - they get so much confidence from it and do fun things.

They can catch up anything from year 7.

Definitely miss end of year 6. It might be a nice, fun time but that is nothing compared to the importance of the start of secondary. Year 7 is a tough transition anyway without missing the start of it.

Why are there so many camps?

I would prioritise keeping the beginning of year 7. Once friendship groups form, it's likely to be more difficult for him to form a friendship group. The beginning of year 7 is likely to be a bit more academic than the end of any year too.

Firstly, the teachers at both schools telling a child in.need if an operation that it's vital he not missing things should wind their necks in. I'd complain to both teachers you spoke to. They should be doing everything they can to help him, not put more worry and stress and his and your shoulders.

I would miss the end of year six. It'll be far easier to miss this than the start of year 7. I would work with the school to ensure he can take part in as much as possible even if he just goes in for an hour or two here and there. I'd also have a big party for him in the summer with all his year six friends in place of the leavers party etc.

They can't catch up on the first few weeks of settling in, finding their feet with everyone else and making friends though.
It's a difficult decision OP and I get that the end of primary school rites of passage are important and special. But head over heart, miss Y6, and start Y7 fit and well. Best wishes to your DS for his op

Thats a hard one as it sounds like he’d be quite upset to miss the events of the end of Yr6 as there will be a lot of talk about them among teachers and classmates. Especially if there’s a camp and a prom?

I would say it’s more important to start Yr7 at the same time as the other kids as even if some friends are moving to secondary school with him, they often move into different friendships groups quite quickly and he’ll miss work that they’ll have gone over at the beginning of the year (he should be supported to catch up though of course). The Yr7 camp is a social ice breaker kind of thing so it is quite important.

No advice really other than trying to impress on the hospital that it’s a big transition and the op really needs to be scheduled for the summer holidays but you’ve probably already done that.

Any chance of delaying the op until around the October half term so he’ll be familiar with secondary, got into a friendship group he can keep in contact with, can do the reduced timetable in the run up to Christmas, then go back after Christmas fully recovered? Obviously if the medical issue is causing pain or affecting health, that may not be an option.

Year 6 over year 7. Year 6;is a bit of a waste, towards the end, they don't do much. Yr 7 coming in when kids have already started to buddy up, would be much harder

Miss the end of year 6. Very tough decision though.

I'd definitely say missing the beginning of year 7 is harder on kids. Friendship groups form so quickly that sometimes even a week will make a huge difference to some children. If he misses say the first few weeks his fellow classmates will have settled into high school and may even have moved on from old friends.
If he's a confident and self assured kid then maybe it won't effect him as much but I'd try to have the operation at the end of year 6 if I was given the choice.

Early year 7 more important. Hopefully he would be well enough to dip in and out of the main end of year 6 activities but academically he would lose less and at least have the summer to recover.

really good luck with the operation and recovery ❤️‍🩹

It sounds as though your DS has few things in his control at the moment because everything related to the surgery is prioritised over everything else. That's already quite a lot for him to have on his plate, as is the transition to Y7. He's said it's important to him that he take part in the end of Y6 activities and so I would take him at his word and do everything I could to have surgery scheduled for the start of the summer holiday. At least then he will be able to feel as though the 'finishing Y6' milestone has gone according to plan.

From your previous experience when he needed to be in a wheelchair for 6 weeks I would be worried that surgery scheduled so he misses out on the Y6 celebrations could involve a long recovery which means he is unable to begin Y7 with his new cohort. That could happen either because he's not recovered sufficiently or because he's in a wheelchair and it's going to take a bit of time for risk assessments etc to be done. That would be the worst of both worlds. Attending the transition days and doing the Y6 things are events he's seen previous Y6s enjoy and he wants his turn. We read on here all the time how Y7 friendships develop and the initial groups tend not to be the same by Christmas.

Even if he starts later than others, is on a part-time timetable or attends remotely to begin with, he will still have the next five years to form friendships. Of my own DC, the eldest's closest group of friends at the end of Y11 were a mixture of a couple they'd got to know in Y7 and three or four they'd become friends with during Y9 but through a club they did together. DC2's friendship group was mostly formed in the later stages of Y8 and into Y9. They have one friend from Y7.

Without a doubt, I’d prioritise year 7.

Year 7 without hesitation. There is always a chance it might go better than you expect and he could go in for an hour for the assembly or something. Plus, the year 6 stuff went on for the whole of the last half term, so there’s a chance he’ll still do quite a lot of it.

My experience of year 7 (dtds now in year 8) is that the first term children come and go, switching schools, so I’d actually prioritise the memories at the end of year 6 rather than the blur at the start of year 7.

In year 8, friendship groups are still mixing about. But I see I disagree with most. I guess, maybe let ds choose so he has some control.

100% beginning of year 7. I missed the end of year 6 (Measles bleugh a long time ago).
It was a bit annoying but would have hated missing y7 start. It's so important.