Which is more important to not miss? The end of year 6 or the beginning of year 7

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Ds4 is in year 6. He has been waiting nearly 2.5 years for an operation that has been cancelled twice. It's uncertain how this operation will affect him but we are talking at least 2 weeks off school and potentially on a reduced timetable for 4 weeks after that. His mobility will be affected and while most children aren't too bad, he already struggles with mobility. Last time he had treatment that most children would be ok with he ended up in a wheelchair for 6 weeks. He will also be on a complicated regime of meds to try and stop the operation failing and having to be redone.

We've been told that his operation might be some time in the summer. I went to parents evening last week and the head teacher stressed it was really important for him not to miss all the secondary school visits, school camp, leavers assembly etc. Tbh from a selfish point of view I want to watch ds do his leavers assembly and walk arm in arm down the field on sports day with the rest of year 6 too. He's come a long way and there were times, especially in the beginning, when we didn't think he would be able to do this. He really wants to do this rite of passage with his friends. Then there is the beginning of year 7 with the settling in and the year 7 camp which the secondary school teachers say is vital that he doesn't miss as well.

Although there is a little bit of leeway and we can say no operation on these dates, unless he has the operation near the beginning of the summer holidays he is going to miss things. And I don't know if we should be prioritising the end of year 6 or the beginning of year 7. My family are no help at all, they just say if he misses out on this stuff it's no big deal but I know ds would be heartbroken to miss any of it. He got really upset when he found out he had to miss the Easter assembly at school to go to the pre op appointment next week and that is minor compared to the other things.

I missed the start of yr 7 and it was really hard. It felt like everyone had already made friends, knew there the classrooms were and who teachers are etc.
So if I could choose I'd miss the end of year 6. That being said, nothing is more important than your child's health so just take the operation when you can.

Would prioritise start of year 7 and agree that the teachers’ comments were unhelpful!

Is there any chance you could arrange for him to have a year out from formal education and start y7 in 2025?

If you absolutely have to choose then I would say missing the end of y6 is better but really starting y7 in a vulnerable post-op state isn't very much better than missing it completely. A few months of convalescence followed by some enriching and interesting home schooling then joining y7 properly and healthily a year late seems better.

Miss the end of y6. Start of y7 is more important.

What a difficult decision. I think I would take into account how many of his friends were going to the same secondary school - if he will be with half his current class when he starts Year 7, he would already have established friendships and that would be very different for him than being one of only a couple of children going to the school and having to make new friends from the outset. What does your son want to do? At his age, he's old enough to understand the two options. The end of year 6 is very important to some children but a bit less so for others.

Prioritise y7

Start of year 7 is much more important

This is so tough, I feel for you and your ds. Agree that the start of y7 is important although I know anecdotally of kids who joined halfway through y7 after relocating and were fine - then again they'd done the first half in different schools.

SATs are neither here nor there although obviously primary school will say otherwise.

Would an option be for him to have the op in y6 and then see how he is and potentially bring him along to the main events, leavers' assembly etc? ie just the fun bits if he's strong enough by then?

The beginning of year 7.

Start of year 7 is much more important for friendships and ongoing feeling of being settled.

What does he want to do?

Don't delay a needed operation, that's the wrong course.

Definitely the end of year 6.

Do not let him miss the start of year 7, friendship is are made in seconds on that first day and it's really hard to break in after. I've seen it many many times and year 7 will affect him for years of his life.

My dd missed the end of year six and the start of year seven.

She was more upset by missing the end of year six at the time but she would have rather missed that then the start of year seven she says.

For a start she missed a residential right at the start. The only one they ever went on. She missed a load of practical and bonding stuff.

Leaving sentimentality aside, the mobility issue is a big one. I'd rather he navigated that in his familiar supportive primary school than have to try and figure that out in a new, probably bigger, secondary school where he may have far less.of a support network

I'm still best friends with the boy that spoke to me on the first day in Y7. I'm pushing 40 now.

Kids who joined later did still make friends though so... I dunno its a tough one.

I'd the op was done before the end of summer term would you be able to take him in for some of the fun stuff after, or is it a bed rest recovery?

How much of yr 7 would be actually miss? I've been parent to 2yr 7s, form tutor to many and taught hundreds.

Friendships are fluid early on, although those from the same primaries tend to stick together for a while. I'm still currently waiting for the inevitable friendship break up for my yr7dc, as they headb towards yr8.

I would also say the whole Sept to Dec term is a settling in one, so he'll have time to settle later. Dd would have rather missed the beginning of yr7 than end of yr6. Many kids in yr7 tend to join at least a couple of weeks later, due to being on holiday anyway.

Start of year 7 is more important but the end of year 6 is fun and lovely. I’m guessing it won’t be as easy as to ask for it on the last possible date of year 6 so he’s got the majority of the holidays to recover?

Pretty much the whole of year 6 is pointless as the schools just go mad about SATS which are really not of any consequence going forwards.

If all the current kids are going to the same secondary it doesn't matter. If they aren't, then year 6 becomes a weird situation where they are all shuffling about to try and find friends.

Pointless. Year 7 much more important and you don't want him feeling like he has to go back before he's well enough. Do it assp.

Start of year 7 is much more important.

He will miss memories from year 6 and it won't feel great.

But missing the start of year 7 puts him on the back foot at a time when even the most confident kid needs the support.

It's not just about friendships.

Prioritise year 7.

Yes the end of year 6 is special, but do you remember your last day of primary school? I certainly don't. I do remember my first day of secondary school though, do you?

When you are asking him remember he will know what the end of yr 6 looks like and how much fun last year’s had, but the start of yr 7 is a completely abstract concept, and possibly slightly daunting and appealing to put off. What will have been the best call by the end of the first term of year 7 is not what a year 6 can see now

How many, if any, of his friends will be going to the same school in Yr7? If he has friends going then I’d sacrifice the beginning of Yr7 as he will be able to slot easily into a friendship group, which is THE most important thing. Anything academic in Yr7 is really secondary, life is not ruined by missing some schoolwork at that point.

I'd say it would be better to miss the end of year 6. His time there will be over anyway before long but his new school will be his life for 5/7 years. Any fun he might have at the end of year 6 is soon in the past and life will have moved on, whereas missing the beginning of year 7 where they will gradually settle in, get to know their way round and make new friends will give him a secure base for the rest of that year.

If it helps, I missed the start of reception as my mum was having a baby and the end of year 6 because I was ill. I didn't miss the year 6 trip, but didn't enjoy it at all as I was not feeling well, and that became my last day at primary. Guess which one looms the largest in my memory? (Reception)

Definitely end of Year 6.

End of year 6 is the past... beginning of year 7 is the future.

I was shocked at the emotional response to the end of year 6 by the parents, it was a much bigger ' thing' than I anticipated. Parties, etc. People made a huge fuss. Now 7 months on I think I've archived that class WhatsApp group to history and we don't see anyone anymore! Move on, concentrate on year7

I agree with all of this.