Which is more important to not miss? The end of year 6 or the beginning of year 7

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Ds4 is in year 6. He has been waiting nearly 2.5 years for an operation that has been cancelled twice. It's uncertain how this operation will affect him but we are talking at least 2 weeks off school and potentially on a reduced timetable for 4 weeks after that. His mobility will be affected and while most children aren't too bad, he already struggles with mobility. Last time he had treatment that most children would be ok with he ended up in a wheelchair for 6 weeks. He will also be on a complicated regime of meds to try and stop the operation failing and having to be redone.

We've been told that his operation might be some time in the summer. I went to parents evening last week and the head teacher stressed it was really important for him not to miss all the secondary school visits, school camp, leavers assembly etc. Tbh from a selfish point of view I want to watch ds do his leavers assembly and walk arm in arm down the field on sports day with the rest of year 6 too. He's come a long way and there were times, especially in the beginning, when we didn't think he would be able to do this. He really wants to do this rite of passage with his friends. Then there is the beginning of year 7 with the settling in and the year 7 camp which the secondary school teachers say is vital that he doesn't miss as well.

Although there is a little bit of leeway and we can say no operation on these dates, unless he has the operation near the beginning of the summer holidays he is going to miss things. And I don't know if we should be prioritising the end of year 6 or the beginning of year 7. My family are no help at all, they just say if he misses out on this stuff it's no big deal but I know ds would be heartbroken to miss any of it. He got really upset when he found out he had to miss the Easter assembly at school to go to the pre op appointment next week and that is minor compared to the other things.

I must see things differently because to
me it’s very clear. We would prioritise the start of year seven: fresh start, new school, potential for new friends, beginning new work etc.

I would really push to “get it done”. A million things can happen and if he needs it he needs it. If you end up saying you want to delay it then some other thing will come along, better to bite the bullet. I also think missing start of Y7 is worse than end of Y6, not least because the end of y6 gives him the summer to get to grips with a recovery at his own pace, whereas start of y7 will feel anxious if it takes longer than expected.

end of year 6 lovely and all that, but will be long forgotten soon…..

The transition to year 7 can be challenging unless you've got a confident child. Not necessarily the friendships - DDs group now were formed in yr9 - but understanding how secondary works, finding your way around, settling in with homework. There's a leniency in the first couple of weeks that quickly evaporates and the teachers won't remember that he didn't start with the rest of the cohort.

That said, having had to remove my DD from the yr10 ski trip on health grounds, I'd prioritise the yr 6 experiences. He will always remember NOT taking part because of his health and may feel resentful, even though it needs to be done.

So I'd let him have that, and speak to the secondary about how they propose to make his transition fair. You mention his mobility isn't great, does he have a diagnosed disability so you can request reasonable adjustments?

Think I'd ideally be aiming for the beginning of the summer holidays, as that seems to be an option, then he's unlikely to miss as much of the start of year 7 (even if he's attending on a reduced timetable), or the end of year 6.
You might also want to find out if there is anything else he'd miss if he missed the start of year 7 (eg trials for sports team, or the chance to audition for the play).

Either way he's likely to miss a chunk of what would be quite a fun time, so the important thing is probably to try to squeeze in some time with his friends where you can, whether this means trying to arrange lots of days with friends or a big year group meet up in the park if he misses the end of year 6, or online gaming sessions with friends who're at his secondary school if he's missing the start of year 7.

Don’t go for the October half term as suggested above: by then viruses are definitely circulating. We’ve had almost as many illnesses in y7 winter as in reception! Just get it done as soon as possible so the disruption can fade into the past.

The end of year six can be a stress time anyway as kids realise they friendship groups will change and parents get emotional. I'd miss year 6. The future at secondary school is the thing to look forward to.

I would either go for the start of the summer holidays or two weeks after the start of year 7. Give him chance to meet people.

This is so so tough. I’d personally prioritise the end of y6. Because I think as another pp said, he will always remember missing out because of his health, and children with health needs feel different enough as it is. I think he would be absolutely gutted to miss out. And whilst missing the intro to y7 is far from ideal, it’s not insurmountable.

Have you asked ds which he’d prefer? With pros and cons either way, maybe see what he thinks?

is the operation one that needs to happen immediately, would it impact his health to delay it further?

I'd get the operation done at the earliest opportunity to give him the best start at his new school. This surgery sounds pretty important and life changing - I wouldn't be putting it off because of potentially missing out on year 6 activities. Assuming you will have prior notice of a date for surgery - he will still have the opportunity to say goodbye to his friends.

Being there at the start of year 7 is so very important. It's a time when new friendships are formed. Year 6 is the time to move on and look forward to the future.

I would prioritise the start of year 7. It would be much easier to work with primary school to get him included in events in some way.

I would say have the operation in year6 , don’t let the school insist he has to be present for Sats, he has summer to recover and don’t chance his op being delayed because of NHS delays or strikes or Covid returning . Year 7 will be a new start and he could attend yr6 activities if he feels up to it . Difficult decision good luck .

Id be prioritising the operation and not risking any further delays. Id miss camp if it falls in that period, but if he's up to it could he go in specifically just for leavers assembly and high school visits? Maybe in a wheelchair with a parent to accompany

Beginning of year 7 is more important. End of year 6 is fun, but it's not as pivotal as beginning secondary school at the same time as others

This. Maybe have op last week of Year 6 then he'll have all summer to recover.

With three kids past it I think the end of Y6 is pretty overrated tbh. Most kids are so ready to move on, lots of time is wasted and they are basically just going through the motions with a few treats thrown in (school trips etc.) to fill the time.

Start of Y7 on the other hand is about learning how secondary school works, getting used to not having the same teacher for every subject and often just finding your way around a new school. It’s a chance to make new friends and school camps/new starter activities are a good way to do this. Yes of course kids join after but given a choice I would try to prioritise this is you can. Good luck to your DS whatever happens.

My DS missed the last 5 weeks of year 6. I think this was definitely preferable to missing the start of y7.

Yes he missed leavers assembly, play, disco etc but he wasn't bothered by that. It's just a distant memory now and It seems to be more the parents who were excited/ upset by all that stuff! The school did make a fuss of him on his last day, he got a card, chocolate and was allowed to get his shirt signed etc.

Being in y7 from day 1 was great for helping him settle in at the same time as everyone else. They were all in the same boat with not knowing everyone, trying to find the different classrooms, making new friends etc. If he'd arrived late he'd have felt like the new boy.

He doesn't really talk about primary school or y6 except to say he much prefers high school. He says he's really glad he missed the end of y6 and not the start of high school!

Chiming in to say the start of Yr 7 is really important and ds needs to be in the best shape possible.

Re your current head teacher, push back hard. Who does she think she is? I’m really cross on your child’s behalf. You will do this operation at the earliest opportunity and you expect her to facilitate arrangements for your ds to take part in activities as much as possible. You might have to push her out of her comfort zone but that bit isn’t your problem.

And keep communicating with your dc. Don’t make him feel bad, keep comments pragmatic and practical while recognising his mixed feelings. Reassure him you are working hard on his behalf.

Definitely head over heart and prioritise year 7. Getting to know the school day, layout, teachers, homework expectations, classroom expectations etc etc are all so important and teachers do give more leeway to the whole year group in those first few weeks (not to mention friendship groups settling down and being made).

Definitely the start of Y7 is most important imo

Have the op in early May 2024 so DS might be able to join in a little of Y6 fun but will be totally fit for September 2024

Year 7 much more important, without question.

The ‘magicalness’ of year 6 isn’t guaranteed - it varies by school and child. Mine did some nice things but were bored at times, it’s just a vague memory now 3 or 4 years later. It is without question harder to settle in to a new school if you start after everyone else (I am a teacher - have witnessed this many times). I’d be pretty pissed off with the year 6 teacher for their unsupportive attitude - but I guess they don’t have the experience of teaching in secondary!

Transition to y7 isn’t just about learning a new school - it’s about learning secondary school. The kids grow up so much in the first half term - adjusting to the independence and completely different expectations and teaching styles, no more ‘playing’ at break etc. it’s so much more than friendships and building layouts important as those are.

What a tough decision.

The way I'd look at it is the end of year 6 is great but it's an end.

Year 7 is the new beginning and what will form the next 5 years.

What's the biggest risk to him LT mentally - missing a closure or missing the start.

I can't answer that because everyone is different. We moved when I was year 7 at end of first half term. I went from a county that did middle school so was still year 7 to one that was primary so started secondary school. I missed end of one era and started a new one late. I didn't struggle to settle in and soon got very missing my old friends.

That's a really tough decision but ultimately, I wouldn't want my child to miss the beginning of year 7. Those early days/weeks are important for settling in. I wouldn't want them to miss the end of year 6 either though!
So ideally, the operation would be the day after the end of term and he gets the summer holiday to recover!
Best of luck to your son

I would say prioritise start of Year 7.

My child was in year 6 when the pandemic hit. He missed out on all the year 6 leaving events (appreciate it's very different circumstances as all children missed out), which at the time I was upset about.

However I was more relieved that he was able to start in year 7 and form friendships and settle into secondary at the same time as everyone else. He'll remember his secondary school years more than his primary years.

I think my upset about missing out on year 6 leaving events was more about me than him!

Put yourself in similar shoes. What's more important for you... Having a good send off from an old job, or settling in well at a new job? Certainly for me it's the latter, and if I happened to be starting a new job the same time as others, I'd feel better/ more supported!

It's more about having the summer to recuperate, so I would miss year 6.