Which is more important to not miss? The end of year 6 or the beginning of year 7

[elliejjtiny]

Ds4 is in year 6. He has been waiting nearly 2.5 years for an operation that has been cancelled twice. It's uncertain how this operation will affect him but we are talking at least 2 weeks off school and potentially on a reduced timetable for 4 weeks after that. His mobility will be affected and while most children aren't too bad, he already struggles with mobility. Last time he had treatment that most children would be ok with he ended up in a wheelchair for 6 weeks. He will also be on a complicated regime of meds to try and stop the operation failing and having to be redone.

We've been told that his operation might be some time in the summer. I went to parents evening last week and the head teacher stressed it was really important for him not to miss all the secondary school visits, school camp, leavers assembly etc. Tbh from a selfish point of view I want to watch ds do his leavers assembly and walk arm in arm down the field on sports day with the rest of year 6 too. He's come a long way and there were times, especially in the beginning, when we didn't think he would be able to do this. He really wants to do this rite of passage with his friends. Then there is the beginning of year 7 with the settling in and the year 7 camp which the secondary school teachers say is vital that he doesn't miss as well.

Although there is a little bit of leeway and we can say no operation on these dates, unless he has the operation near the beginning of the summer holidays he is going to miss things. And I don't know if we should be prioritising the end of year 6 or the beginning of year 7. My family are no help at all, they just say if he misses out on this stuff it's no big deal but I know ds would be heartbroken to miss any of it. He got really upset when he found out he had to miss the Easter assembly at school to go to the pre op appointment next week and that is minor compared to the other things.

I am a primary school leader and parent to a child who missed the end of year 6 due to the pandemic. 100% have the op while in Y6.
primary schools are much better geared up to making adjustments - if he is only off for 2 weeks then in on a part time timetable, they can make adjustments to ensure he takes part in end of year activities. He will be more comfortable with pupils and staff he knows supporting him. Whereas in Y7 he may feel quite vulnerable. The start of year 7 is so important for forming new friendships and I imagine it may be hard for him to be reliant on additional support during this time.

I'm a primary headteacher and I agree completely with this. It's really sad that he'd miss the end of primary but so important to look forward to his time in secondary.
If the timing is right and there's a possibility maybe your DS could visit school for the very end of term? We did this once when a child had been in a serious car accident. They came in with parents for the leavers service and attended the prom in an adapted wheelchair.

I'd say to prioritise the start of year 7. It'd be really hard to go to a new school to find all your friends have made a bunch of new friends in your absence and you then have to figure out how to fit in this new group.

Miss the end of year 6.

Hope the treatment goes well and a full recovery is made.

Secondary teacher so perhaps biased, but, if I had the choice I would miss end of year 6. Lots of people on this thread talking about movement and students coming and going - we’re an average state school and we don’t have that much movement. I always feel sorry for the students whose parents take them on holiday in the first couple of weeks of year 7 - they miss all the routine setting, first friendship groups, working out how everything is. They also miss a huge chunk of work and are therefore on the back foot for the rest of the units.

He clearly needs the op though - go with whatever date you can get and work around whatever he is missing.

Agree. Year 6 end is sentimental but a week/month/term later it's all forgotten and the new school new friends is the priority

Definitely miss end yr6 rather than start yr7 .... The orientation etc new form etc ...

But also the fact you want him as well as possible...
That first half term/term can be exhausting for many kids anyway .. most senior schools are bigger to navigate with much more room changing, 100s kids to navigate lots dif teachers etc .. so just so much more full on...as well as more germs!!..
So whilst end of yr6 is a milestone the sentimentality of it with all the events is a fairly recent phenomenon.... I would talk it down with him ...focus on moving to seniors rather than leaving primary..

But talk to school about how they can be more inclusive and supportive...

Thank you everyone. We don't get to chose the date, they just give us one and we say yes or no and then if we say no, they give us another one. The first one for cancelled because he was ill and then we had to wait a year and 3 months for a new date. The hospital cancelled the second one and it looks like the wait will only be 3ish months this time. We only have one secondary school in our town so mostly the whole year group from primary will go to the secondary unless they are moving house or going private. I think the whole year group are going up together this year, all his friends definitely are. He has hypermobility, global development delay and possibly dyspraxia as well. He is extremely clumsy and falls over a lot. I never thought about risk assessment for him being in his wheelchair in secondary school. In primary we just told his teacher he was going to be in it and she said it was fine. It's easier in primary though as there is very little moving around and he could get out to go to the toilet etc.

I'd prioritise year 7

I'd prioritise start of Year 7. It will be disappointing missing end of year 6 but could you ask school to move some activities forward a few weeks?

Thank you everyone. Hopefully we will get a rough idea of dates when we go to the pre op appointment on Thursday. With the keeping him off school for a year and then him starting secondary in September 2025, I didn't know we were allowed to do that. His preschool recommended we referred his school start when he went into reception but we decided not to, mainly because his brother is 12 months younger so they would be in the same class which I really didn't want.

I don’t think you could keep him off for a year. Unless you decided to elective home educate then he would I start in his correct year group and therefor missing Y7.

Well due to Covid my DS missed both the end of Y6 and start of Y7, but if we had to chose the end of Y6 loss is less impactful as Y7 they start at new school and is time to make new friends etc

Don’t miss the end of yr 6. One of mine did, because of Covid, and they will regret it forever.

BUT you know your child. Will he find being a bit late hard? Will there be much movement at the school? Are there really important bonding activities (eg a residential) that he might miss?

all my hunch says the emotional pain of missing the end of primary massively outweighs the Dow sides of not starting secondary as normal.

The start of year 7 would be my priority. Focus on the beginning of secondary school rather than celebrating the end of primary.
Secondary school will have more impact on his life.

Hard situation to deal with though.

Either will be 100% fine. Honestly.

Agree with a PP that there is a lot of movement in y7 until Christmas and beyond. By the end of the year no one will remember he wasn’t there at the start.

I think with an operation cancelled twice you take it as soon as you get it.

Surely it's unlikely that you have any "choice" in when it actually happens?

And don't miss the start of Y7. Be recovered and ready for a fresh start, if it's possible.

’emotional pain’ of missing the end of year 6 - massive exaggeration! It seems a big deal at the time but is so, so quickly relegated to ‘vaguely nice memory’ once they move on. It’s often more about the Mums wanting to mark the end of childhood rather than the kids in my observation. The mums feel sentimental watching their babies grow up - the babies are ready to move on and have often grown out of primary.

It was the head teacher who was saying it would be really bad to miss the end of year 6. He used the word heart broken. Although ds has had to miss the Easter service at school due to a hospital appointment and he was really upset, with lots of tears. He has learning disabilities so I don't know if that makes a difference. I don't think he's got to that "grown out of primary" stage that some children get to. He is looking forward to going to secondary school though, especially doing science experiments and making things in technology lessons. Just wondering at what point could he miss 2 weeks of year 7 and not have problems with settling in and bonding with his year group. I don't think there is much (if any) movement of pupils after the beginning as in our area there is only one realistic choice and children mostly go to their catchment school.

Just thought I would update to say that we had ds's pre op today and the new surgeon has decided that the minor procedure that was going to be done at the same time as the big one has now become more complicated. So now they are doing the minor operation first, then wait a few weeks for healing and then do the big one. They had no idea about when either operation would happen but there was a psychologist in the appointment too who said that ds's leaving year 6 stuff and starting year 7 stuff is really important and the surgeon said he would work round it. So it's all good.

Sorry that he'll have to go through it twice, but great they'll be taking it into consideration!