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It's been a long time coming but I fear I may have been unkind

114 replies

Sparetoes · 08/03/2024 21:05

DH died and as is apparently often the case, "our" friendship group completely disappeared. Even let me down over help they'd offered for the funeral (yes I posted at the time).

Since then, I've formed new friendships and quite an active social life and have learned that they've been gossiping about me living it up on DH's money and not behaving like a widow should etc etc.

I haven't heard from them at all in months and months (these are people DH and I socialised with approx once a week, people who assured him they'd look out for me. All couples, which I think is probably relevant). I see them occasionally at social things with a wider circle and do just enough to be polite. They do the same.

Anyway I was having coffee with a group and one of the women happened to be there. We were talking about plans for the weekend. I said "I'm going to see Wicked Little Letters, does anyone want to come?"

This woman's response was "what on your own"

My reply " well when your husband dies and the people you thought were friends disappear, then spread nasty gossip about your attempts to carry on living, you kind of just have to get on with it, but actually, I've found I enjoy going to the pictures alone".

She was very spluttery and embarrassed, then one of the men saved the day by offering to come with me which I'm sure she'd disapprove of and we talked about the film/arrangements.

Anyway, did I go too far?

OP posts:
NaomhPadraigin · 09/03/2024 07:58

Well done 👏 👏👏👏👏
I hope you gave her something to think about.

amiahoarder · 09/03/2024 07:59

Perfect response, good on you x

AcrobaticCardigan · 09/03/2024 08:00

That was the perfect response. Well done for saying that, pointing out their poor behaviour & standing up for yourself!

Tempnamechng · 09/03/2024 08:12

Sparetoes · 08/03/2024 21:34

Thanks you're all very kind. I wonder what others who were there and don't know the history would be thinking?

They would be cheering you on, as are we.
You've gone through a lot and seem to be coping really well. He would be proud of you.
We've been watching a widowed Facebook friend with admiration and i imagine you being like her. She is amazing, every weekend she is being tagged at one social event or another. She is obviously surrounded with genuine, good friends, and I don't think she would be frightened to call out toxic behaviour.

ClairDeLaLune · 09/03/2024 08:42

OP you are awesome. Good for you for living your life. So sad that your DH died, but life goes on for you, and you sound like you’re making the best of it. Good for you.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 09/03/2024 08:45

HomeTheatreSystem · 09/03/2024 07:26

I've no idea why you'd have thought that was unkind. They've behaved appallingly to you and all you did was let them know that you're only too aware of what's been said behind your back. If she was embarrassed by being shown up for the cow she is in front of other people, that was on her.

💯this. I remember your thread, OP, and being enraged by the way you were treated by so-called 'friends.'

Teddleshon · 09/03/2024 08:48

Good for you 👏👏

Keepingongoing · 09/03/2024 08:54

OP, you are totally brilliant for coming out with that remark on the spur of the moment!

They sound like a nasty bunch of people. It’s sadly often the case that a big loss affects your friendships…but gossiping about you living it up and not behaving as a widow should?? That’s another level of rejection and betrayal.

All power to you for finding new friends and social life after losing your DH. I bet he’d be proud and pleased for you.

Phoebefail · 09/03/2024 08:59

Your reply was an explanation, it had feeling and a bit of an edge.
Therefore it was perfect, absolutely perfect.
May I suggest that you don't deliberately avoid them in future.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 09/03/2024 09:12

An incredibly classy response actually.

I'm glad you are getting there, bit by bit x

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 09/03/2024 09:14

And even if it could be deemed unkind which it's not sometimes people don't deserve kindness they deserve the truth even if it feel harsh. Fuck them

RainbowZebraWarrior · 09/03/2024 09:14

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 09/03/2024 09:12

An incredibly classy response actually.

I'm glad you are getting there, bit by bit x

Totally agree with this.

Good on you, OP!

rainbowstardrops · 09/03/2024 09:24

Good for you!!! I don't think you were unkind at all!

Deathraystare · 09/03/2024 19:11

Yay!

Well done. That was dbsolutely the right thing to do!!

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