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It's been a long time coming but I fear I may have been unkind

114 replies

Sparetoes · 08/03/2024 21:05

DH died and as is apparently often the case, "our" friendship group completely disappeared. Even let me down over help they'd offered for the funeral (yes I posted at the time).

Since then, I've formed new friendships and quite an active social life and have learned that they've been gossiping about me living it up on DH's money and not behaving like a widow should etc etc.

I haven't heard from them at all in months and months (these are people DH and I socialised with approx once a week, people who assured him they'd look out for me. All couples, which I think is probably relevant). I see them occasionally at social things with a wider circle and do just enough to be polite. They do the same.

Anyway I was having coffee with a group and one of the women happened to be there. We were talking about plans for the weekend. I said "I'm going to see Wicked Little Letters, does anyone want to come?"

This woman's response was "what on your own"

My reply " well when your husband dies and the people you thought were friends disappear, then spread nasty gossip about your attempts to carry on living, you kind of just have to get on with it, but actually, I've found I enjoy going to the pictures alone".

She was very spluttery and embarrassed, then one of the men saved the day by offering to come with me which I'm sure she'd disapprove of and we talked about the film/arrangements.

Anyway, did I go too far?

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 08/03/2024 21:18

I think it was fine.

You've not exactly gone out of your way to call them out for their double-whammy unkindnesses (leaving you out, then bitching about your new life). When you're on the receiving end of a much more direct (but in context PA) critical comment, it's fine to stand up for yourself

Well done on finding your way through all the shit of bereavement. You sound like you've found equilibrium - hope my assumption is right Flowers

Restinggoddess · 08/03/2024 21:19

Bloody brilliant- well done you

She spluttered because you spoke the truth

SuncreamAndIceCream · 08/03/2024 21:20

Bloody well done OP.

I am sorry about you losing your DH. I remember your thread from a while ago. I hope she feels suitably ashamed.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 08/03/2024 21:21

You were understated if anything. Well Done. Sorry for your loss Flowers

WinterDeWinter · 08/03/2024 21:22

I’m airpunching for you. I remember your previous thread. The absolute shits.

Hiddenvoice · 08/03/2024 21:25

Perfect response!
I’m sorry for your loss, they were rubbish friends when you needed them most. Don’t feel bad for saying how you feel!

Wayk · 08/03/2024 21:26

Well done. 💯 spot on. She nearly choked because you told the truth.

ShalommJackie · 08/03/2024 21:30

Best response you could have given imo

Sparetoes · 08/03/2024 21:34

Thanks you're all very kind. I wonder what others who were there and don't know the history would be thinking?

OP posts:
MsFaversham · 08/03/2024 21:37

Brilliant response.

I, too, am gobsmacked that anyone thinking a woman going to the cinema alone is unusual.

Lollypop701 · 08/03/2024 21:37

It doesn’t matter what others think Tbh but if it were me I’d think nobody reacts like that unless deserved. Go you

Bruisername · 08/03/2024 21:37

Tbh they may have discussed it amongst themselves, thought ‘oh, there’s obviously a story there’ or not really heard. You may find you get asked about it but unlikely I would have thought. I don’t think they will be thinking you’re a bitch or anything given the question you were asked was pretty bitchy

Athrawes · 08/03/2024 21:42

Fabulous response.

CraftyTaupeOtter · 08/03/2024 21:43

Full support for your response here. Who gets to say how a widow should act? We're all different and do whatever we need to to get through a very difficult time. There is no right way for that to look.

HappiestSleeping · 08/03/2024 21:49

Sparetoes · 08/03/2024 21:34

Thanks you're all very kind. I wonder what others who were there and don't know the history would be thinking?

They won't necessarily know you were talking about this person though, so I'd give it no further thought. I think you said exactly what was appropriate at the exact right time. Nice one.

Datafan55 · 08/03/2024 21:50

Nicely done!

JustAnotherDayWorkingAtHome · 08/03/2024 21:53

You are my hero.

So sorry to hear you lost your husband and your friends you sound great.

Gibs0nGirl · 08/03/2024 21:58

I remember your previous threads and they acted despicably. You sound incredibly dignified in response.

Mum2jenny · 08/03/2024 22:02

Plenty of men go to see a film alone, so why shouldn’t a woman?
No, anyone can go see a film by themselves, why not?

Sunshineclouds11 · 08/03/2024 22:04

Well done 👏🏼

Iloveacurry · 08/03/2024 22:07

Brilliant 🤩

ChiaraRimini · 08/03/2024 22:10

Fuck'em
I didn't see your earlier threads but I am so sorry for your loss.
Sadly it seems this is not uncommon. You are quite right to move on and find a new tribe who will be there for you.
I recall my DM telling me how people had crossed the road to avoid her after my DDad died. It was an incredibly hard time for her but she has a happy day to day life now, although of course you never get over it.

MontyDonsBlueScarf · 08/03/2024 22:14

Perfect, so much so that I'm saving it to use if I ever have the misfortune to come across the people who treated me in the same way.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 08/03/2024 22:15

Nah....brilliant response! Good for you 🙌

maximist · 08/03/2024 22:16

I've been going to the cinema/theatre on my own since 1988 - why would anyone think this is strange?

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