How much interest do you expect friends to take in your baby/child?

[ShoelacesAndStrings]

No Kids yet here and I’m wondering what the norm is after a discussion with friends.

TIA

Almost none. Other people's children are so boring. It's a sweet if they seem interested, but this interest will be limited.

I often speak to mum friends about mum life, but not about my individual children.

When I get my friends to myself I'm happy for things to not be about my kids for once as well.

One of my closest friends from school has never seen my child nor does she ever ask after her.

To be honest I think that's quite rude to never ask after her. I'd ask after a friend's child, just as I would ask about their partner, new job, pet, hobby they love, date they went on, their parents, etc.
I wouldn't ask about all these things all the time, I'm not suggesting an inquisition! But isn't it normal to take a general interest in your friends' lives, and the things that are important to them?

A village is great if you want to help but no obligation

None at all.

In fact it was only really my grandparents who did take an interest in our child. My parents or siblings didn’t and no one in DH’s family did.

I think as parents, particularly when we are new to parenting, we think everyone is going to be so delighted for us and excited for the baby 😂

There again, I have never gotten excited over anyone else having a baby either.

Not much at all. I have friends who love kids and make a real fuss of my children, sending thoughtful birthday gifts etc. I have other friends who actively dislike kids and whose eyes glaze over should I ever mention my kids.
I suppose most of my friends are somewhere in the middle - mildly interested in my children.

I find this so alien. I'm very shy, so don't interact loads with friends' children unless they talk to me or want to play, but I definitely do care and am interested. Most don't live close enough for us to see them often, but if they did I would have offered to babysit etc..

All depends on life circumstances, of course: once we all had young children we were all too exhausted and busy to focus on one another's at all other than asking how they were etc., but before I had children myself I used to send birthday gifts etc..

I wouldn't expect a busy, stressed friend who lived far away or wasn't good with children to be involved much, but of course, other factors permitting, I'd expect friends to care and take interest, perhaps be there for my children if needed when they get older. Certainly that's the norm among people I know.

"our group project" made me laugh.
I don't have children but in our friendship circles, interest in someone's child is minimal. A congrats when they announce the pregnancy, a gift for baby, occasionally asking how they are getting on with the pregnancy and whether they're almost ready for baby to arrive now, and a visit to meet the baby during mat leave is about the extent of it. I see my friends' children when we are invited to their house, I'll hold a baby for a little while if asked or I'll interact with a toddler/older child if they approach me but that's it really.

This is a sore subject for me. I'm an only child, and my three best friends (who I have known since I was 18 - so for 17 years now) were like the sisters I never had. We lived together at various points and were very close. I was hoping they'd become 'aunties' to my child - I wasn't expecting them to raise them with me, but was hoping that my child would see them as major people in her life. Unfortunately she's now almost three and has only met them a handful of times, they're just not interested. I've been quite upset about it, but reading this thread makes me think maybe my expectations were too high.

Not much. She has to realise that everyone else’s lives are already busy and full with whatever they choose to have in them. This didn’t include other peoples children.

I am only interested in my closest friends children and my nieces/nephew. That said, I only see them maybe 3 ish times per year but I stay up to date with their lives and have a genuine interest. I think lots of people just fake interest but it’s not sincere.

It’s kind of similar to how interested I am in someone’s work. Best friend/-close family - yes, everyone else - can barely tell you what they do

I mean this gently but I think your expectations were probably a bit high, unless you had all been excitedly discussing being heavily involved with each other's children before you got pregnant.
I feel like a handful of meetings in almost 3 years is plenty of time with my friends' children, that's once or twice a year.
I also think different life stages plays a role. We have one friend that had children really young, far before any of the rest of us were even thinking about children, I've met the child once, some people in the group have met the child two or three times, and they must be turning 7 or 8 this year. Now that the group is reaching early 30s and more people are starting to think about having children, I think we would be slightly more involved/meet their child more than once in 7 years.

Absolutely none whatsoever. I say that as someone who’s had two babies.

I don’t expect any. But having children has shown me who my real friends are. The ones that stuck by me and made an effort to visit, get to know the kids etc. I also make an effort to see them too without the children, and take an interest in their lives, jobs etc.

I was always happy to hold and feed babies, babysat so they could go to family events or Christmas do’s, or when they giving birth to next baby, but that’s it.
Think you need to set boundaries and make it clear what level of involvement you’re happy with!
personally I regret starting buying birthday and Christmas presents for my friends kids, they all had 2 and I bought for years before having my DD… some friends bought my DD a present for a year or 2 then stopped, some never bothered at all…annoyed me because their gift requests were never cheap, and they’ve not returned the generosity. In fact this year I forgot one of their sons birthdays and she ghosted me because I’d forgotten(despite me apologising the next day and despite my life being a bit shit atm)….
I find people so cheeky and entitled!!

Never been interested in other peoples kids even family. I'm polite, but they aren't mine so not bothered.

I don't have kids but all my friends do. I've never had an interest in kids and never wanted any of my own.

For friends I take a mild interest in them, just a basic how are they doing. If they are with mum then I'll interact with them otherwise that's about it. I don't buy them gifts or go to parties etc. I wouldn't be comfortable babysitting them as they don't know me well. But in an emergency I would definitely help out if no one else was available.

I've babysat for a couple of really good friends but this has always been for special occasions and not something I would do regularly. But I'm more like aunty to these kids and I do see them much more regularly, I will do small gifts for Xmas and birthdays etc.

My nephew is a bit different, I see him much more often and have had him for sleepovers. We've even taken him for weekend breaks etc. I'm the cool aunt with the sporty car and like to treat him. But I do come from a close family and we do have weekly meals with parents. Sister was widowed when pregnant, at the time I worked shifts and had lots of free time. I guess I was like a second mum to him, I helped out lots during her pregnancy and the first few years of his life. So I am really close to him. Probably wouldn't be the case if she hadn't been widowed. Her other son I'm not as close with, yeah i still spend time with him etc but he has both parents too so my sister doesn't need support.

It depends on the parents and how close I am to them. The friends I just ask in passing I don't see often anymore (all grown up with our own busy lives) but still have the occasional night out/catch up. The good friends I've babysit for I see at least weekly.

Neither my sister or my close friends have ever asked me to babysit - I have always offered. I think the new mum seems like she's expecting lots but it should be down to you what you want to do and how involved you want to be. I would say set boundaries though from the start

I mean, my children are part of my family and very small and so consuming of most of my time and energy - so a cursory interest from friends is pleasant. I would also expect friends to realise there are times when kids are small when they may have to see me with kid in tow if they want to socialise, as not always practicable to get baby sitter. However, I also realise it’s not their kid/family and so wouldn’t expect them to take care of child (except maybe in a life or death emergency) or forge a separate relationship with my child. It does ‘take a village’ but that village is not my village of child free mates.

I do expect a bit of interest, as I'd be interested in something that was very important to my friends. And I was interested in my friends' kids before I had my own - as I am interested in the rest of their family and friends .. these are normal topics of conversations with my friends. At the same time, be very careful not to bore people. I try to stick to a few highlights / lowlights / funny anecdotes.

No gifts, just general interest and concern.

Ugh this is so cringe.
it does take a village, but the village is there to support the family in whatever capacity they can. You can still be there for the family, without showing more than a casual interest in the child.

You're not real friends if you aren't interested in a major part of their life. Being interested only in the parts of your friend that benefit you doesn't make you a true friend. You should make time the person as a whole not just the bits you find fun, if you want a true friendship with that person.

Mine had no interest at all as I had kids at least a decade before my friends. It stung occasionally but it was also nice to keep my own identity.

If they end up having kids in the years to come, I imagine they will expect me to be interested though.

I don't think I will be and in fact am glad now that I don't feel like I have to be interested.

Very interested in our nephews and godchildren though.

I only really see close friends and familys kids. I take a lot of interest as they do mine. Whether that be an achievement at school or whatever. If they've been ill or struggling with something.
In a generally caring way we all care

Up to you really. I try to remember my friends kids birthdays, my friends try to remember my kids birthdays, when we meet up we’ll ask about each others kids.

I found lots of lovely friends showed more interest when DD was first born and then naturally, it’s more to do with whether you have children of similar ages etc. It’s natural to gravitate to days out etc that you and your DC all going to enjoy. My single childless friends seem to still like to see me on my own sometimes too and I understand that! It might be that she respects you lots and wants to know you’ll be there to support and that you’re not going to ‘drop’ her on having a baby. All normal things to feel when your life is just about to change in a big way. Xx

'It takes a village to raise a child'.

The one and only time anyone has ever said that to me was SIL - immediately after she had roundly criticised my parenting skills. In other words, she felt that the phrase completely validated her desire to tell me exactly where I was going wrong, and she was fully entitled to do so. Bloody woman.

How interested am I in other people's children?

About as interested as I am in their choice of dog, which I will admire, briefly, and from a distance.