How much interest do you expect friends to take in your baby/child?

[ShoelacesAndStrings]

No Kids yet here and I’m wondering what the norm is after a discussion with friends.

TIA

If she is going along the it takes a village route expect the CF to send you details of where you are on the babysitting rota very soon

None really, I love my child but the world doesn't revolve around them

I don't know if there's a general expectation. In my friendship group there are quite a few kids. Some friends only really see the friends for nights out and the odd coffee and others spend a lot more time with the kids too.

For me, if I'm close to the parents then the kids are important to me too and I love them. I'll babysit, hang out with them, buy them presents. I want adult only time too but I don't get why I wouldn't want them in my life.

Oh, yes I see! In that case, I didn't expect any, really. I had interest from family which was all that mattered and all that I’d expect.

I expect my friends to be interested in me, that's why they're my friend. So when DS was diagnosed with autism then I got a lot of support from them, and tbh I expected a lot of support from them because they're my friends (naturally this goes both ways!). But that support was for ME, not DS, if that makes sense?

Otherwise my friends always ask about my kids, and when they were little and my friends were in my house then they made conversation and played with them a little or read a story while I got on with dinner/opening the wine.

They were very good at socialising at my house when DS was very little, DH used to be away a lot and it was easier for me to see people that way, but DS was always a fairly early bed baby with an easy bedtime routine. I saw that as a huge kindness though, it wasn't expected but gratefully received and I always cooked/or paid for the takeaway.

Having friends that show up for you in all stages of life is a gift.
But that is in terms of offering supprt, perhaps attending things that are a big deal. I don't expect my child free friends to come to kids bday parties but it means a lot to me when they come to naming day celebrations. It's a nuanced thing.
Every relationship is different.
But I don't expect anyone to except baby daddy to view our children as a group project lol.

I dont understand what you're saying.....

Honestly none.

Babies are really only interesting to immediate and close family.

Everyone else is just being polite.

Fuck all tbh.

This is how I feel, too, and what I thought was the norm (before reading this thread!).

None (and vice versa)

other peoples children are really dull

my friends, even those with children, have always been an escape from children

This mother is going to massively take the piss when she has children. She will be expecting babysitting from different people each day.

Sounds like she thinks ‘Friends’ is real life.

My child loving but unable to have children oldest friend is very interested in my ds, and the children of other friends, on the other hand my best friend can’t stand children and takes no interest (but she does always send a birthday/Christmas present for him, I think as a way to show she loves me).

I think kids are like dogs or jobs usually- you want it all to be good for your friend but you don’t want to hear a running commentary about it.

I am only intersted in my friend's children if they are interesting children. They are their own people.

I am very aware they are the whole world to my friend, but they are just like any other child for me, unless we click and develop a bond, which sometimes happens.

Well I have two best friends of 30+ years. When my dd were little they would see them maybe every few months or so if we met for coffee as I was the first to have kids when mine were 2 and 4 they both started having kids so we did a lot more playgroup style meet ups. So we did see each other at least once a week. And we would all pitch in together. As kids have got older and we all work more again we meet every few months but rarely see kids that tends to be more at events. We have only babysat for each other in emergency situations. But equally we are all 30min + away from each other.

Sounds like wishful thinking from your friend. Does she have family to support?

Well your friend is crazy and I don't think that is a typical expectation at all.

I don't expect a lot of interest, but not zero. It's a big thing in a friends life's, and like any big thing in the life of someone you care about, I think it's weird to not show any interest, even if it's a bit pretend.

Really ? the low birth rate is a crisis, I would argue a lot of that us due to attitudes like that TBH. We need to collectively responsible for children. ( BTW no skin in this game mine are 17 and nearly 20).

Childless friends-zero is expected

Friends with kids-I expect them to acknowledge and humour them

None. If they do, they do, but if they don't that's fine too.

Their relationship is with me, not my child.

Most of my friends either don’t have kids or have kids who are adults / old enough to be left. I think. I’m pretty sure most of them don’t have babies or small children.

I’ll ask after them if they come up in conversation & like FB pics.

It changes things for everyone and you can’t dictate or know who will be involved

im lucky that my closest friend and I had children at a similar time.

we don’t live in the same town but have visited each other regularly her kids feel at home here ours do at hers the kids get along well.

its lovely like a family relationship.

im also close to my sibling and their children. They’ve had a hard time over the last few years (school refusal, ND diagnosis) and I’ve supported them a lot, I’m one of the few people their kids are comfortable with.

being truly involved is time consuming

Not much really. I have a 3 year old and don't take a lot of interest in friends children really. I wouldn't expect them to care massively about mine.

@ShoelacesAndStrings none.
However some adaptations to meet ups and socialising to be inclusive of those who have children is really appreciated. Suggesting coffee where there is a play area, an afternoon out somewhere the kids will be entertained while you chat is welcome.
Lots of friends that I don’t see much now I have a kid because they only want to do child free stuff and I don’t have childcare.

I can't say I have any set expectations.

One of my closest friends from school has never seen my child nor does she ever ask after her. Some of my other friends know my kid well, buy presents for her on her birthday, want to know how she's doing etc. I don't mind either way!