Should a reoffending child sex offender see their child supervised?

[Coffeeeclair]

What would you do if you were the mum and this was the father of your children? Would you allow supervised contact (in a contact centre or supervised by a friend/family member)? If so, how often and for how long? Or would you stop contact altogether? What do you think would be better for your children?

Man got in trouble with the police once but reoffended a year and a half later. He's on the sex registry after possession of indecent images of children. Children featured in the pictures are 1 to 17 years old. So the whole range of childhood.
Your kids are toddlers.
He blames porn addiction and says he'd never harm a child in real life.

What would you do?
And why?

Thank you

I reported him to the police and asked for no contact at all with me or the children!

This could only be applied during bail, when he's out on investigation or between getting charged and court there are no conditions besides what SS request.

SS told me that ultimately if I chose to go no contact he could apply to get contact. I joined a charity and some women on there were in situations where their ex partners applied for court and got contact supervised by their ILS, so basically the children were staying over the weekend with their offending partners and ILs who minimized the crime and didn't supervise the kids at all.

Some of them have stopped contact all together and years laters their kids have resented them

Some of them have allowed contact and years later their kids have blamed them for not stopping contact

I'm just trying to figure out what the best I can do for my children is. I don't want to mess up their lives more than their lives already are.

I'm also so scared of him not being happy with no contact and going to court and having access to the children and being able to do what he wants to them.

I was called a horrible mother for wanting to remove him from their lives and a horrible mother for wanting to facilitate contact in a contact centre.

I'm looking into applying for a relocation order

Thank you for your reply.

Could I please ask how you managed to do that? Was it for a similar offense?

It's both historical and very recent

He attended group sessions as police requested them. They're now over and he is refusing any kind of therapy.

He was watching it while out on bail too!'

He is very very likely

I knew of a local man who was caught with images of child abuse. While awaiting trial, he was only allowed to see his children under supervision. His parents were allowed to supervise him.

He was found guilty and sentenced to a three-year supervision and treatment order. At some point, it was decided (by Social Services?) that he wasn’t a threat to his children, so he was allowed to see them unsupervised. I believe he has them every other weekend, but that his parents actually do a lot of the childcare on “his” weekends.

This terrifies me

I think you have to do absolutely anything and everything within your power to remove this man from your children's lives. Nobody can tell you what the authorities are going to do. Unfortunately the whole system is a complete shambles so it's going to be the luck of the draw as much as anything. But YOU need to fight and fight with everything you've got to do the right thing for your kids. Every inch you give, he'll likely take a mile. So don't give a single fucking millimetre. Your aim should be no contact and loss of PR. And keep your aim focused on that target. Fight and fight for your kids to be safe. You probably won't achieve that goal but by aiming consistently for that, you can be sure of getting the best possible outcome.

I’m sorry, Coffeeeclair. I second getting legal advice. I think the suggestions to take the children and move to the other side of the world are risky as you could be breaking the law, and if the country you move to is signed up to The Hague Abduction Convention, the children could be forced to return to the UK.

Thank you. I will do that

You say you are being given the choice. So choose no contact. Why would you even consider it? Are you mad?

he is a peadophile and a risk to children aged 1-17 according to your post so they will never be safe with him.

i would stop all contact, move house and change names

Thank you, I will contact SS tomorrow morning to let them know
I hope they approve of it and I'll get legal advice too just in case he disputes it

No brainer fight tooth and nail no contact ever!

Stop the DC seeing him immediately m, and let him take it to court. Hopefully that'll buy you a year or so for the process to work its way through the system, and he'll probably get bored waiting.

He is a repeater offender and he should not have unsupervised meetings with the child. I don't see any point to having meetings at all because as far as I was concerned he would never ever have unsupervised access. It's just not in the child's interest at all

Actually. I'm not!

Absolutely this!

I see it daily too.

100% no. I’d do as PP day and move as far away and change names etc (I know that’s easier said than done) I’d completely lock down all your social media’s so he can’t see pictures of them.

If he ever got unsupervised visits and something happened, they would soon put the blame on to you for not safeguarding DC, in my opinion.

What do the agencies involved say?

Apologies, I should have read more comments, on second thoughts there’s better advice on this thread than I can give.

I hope it works out 🤞

I'd move, change both my & dc names & do everything in my power to stop him having contact.

I actually can’t believe that any court thinks giving a sex offender any access to children is a good idea. It’s bewildering. This really does need to be fixed in legislation, the presumption should be NC with minor children.

They have asked, you can say no and then prepare for a fight, he may not pursue it but if he does give him hell.

@Coffeeeclair feel for you, I should imagine it makes you feel physically ill thinking about him.

I don't know what the legal layout is, hoping you get good advice.

I would rather walk through fire than let a nonce spend time with and have an influence on my child’s life. Fight it with every last breath you have. Scream it from the roof tops if you have to, to get what’s right.

if it is up to you better not allow it - I know it feels harsh, but a therapist told me once that one healthy parent is enough for kids. They are toddlers so they will get used to not having a dad very easily. If you continue it will be difficult later for you to stop the contact. and you would probably live shorter with the worry if they got to see each other. also it is easier for you to get on with your life, hopefully find yourself a decent healthy man