Should a reoffending child sex offender see their child supervised?

[Coffeeeclair]

What would you do if you were the mum and this was the father of your children? Would you allow supervised contact (in a contact centre or supervised by a friend/family member)? If so, how often and for how long? Or would you stop contact altogether? What do you think would be better for your children?

Man got in trouble with the police once but reoffended a year and a half later. He's on the sex registry after possession of indecent images of children. Children featured in the pictures are 1 to 17 years old. So the whole range of childhood.
Your kids are toddlers.
He blames porn addiction and says he'd never harm a child in real life.

What would you do?
And why?

Thank you

That's what scares me
But I don't know how to go about it

What does his probation officer and his police officer say? They will absolutely be on your sids

Hellomiss you’re talking bollocks. He’s on the Sex Offenders Register.
OP: Not only do my own kids have no contact, their dad lost PR. Do not cave. Safeguard your kids.

I’m sorry but hell to the no would I allow my children to sit across the table from their disgusting disturbed dad who is probably having disgusting thoughts about them!

are you deranged? Sorry I’m not being rude but I can’t even believe you would contemplate allowing even supervised contact. The thought is still in his head! Supervised he can’t do anything about it but still 🤮🤮🤮

Imagine he sees them regularly in the contact centre, just says to the dc that is what works for you and him. Over a number of years there is a familiarity with him. After school when your children are out in town with their friends aged 11/12 on the way home from school he sees them without you and wanders over, 'Hi, I am Billy's dad, who do we have here?...'

I would refuse direct contact as long as possible.

You say NO to ANY agency asking you how you feel about contact. Who gives a flying fig what his probation officer thinks! Ridiculous that someone even asked this unthread. As if a probation officer or police can tell you what’s right. YOU are the mother. You know what’s right more than anyone else. All that matters here is what you think. Fight your corner OP! I fought hard… fought the patriarchy and misogyny that gives these abusers way too much leeway. I won and, even better, my kids don’t have to be around the sick bastard. Abusers aren’t nice parents. They can pretend they are but they’re very twisted.

OP, I understand why you’re asking. But you must accept that you cannot compartmentalise parenthood. He doesn’t remove the sex offender cape and slip into something more ‘nice dad’ in a contact centre.
He is a sex offender which nullifies his role as father and everything else. Being a sex offender totally cancels out his role as father. He is a harmful, high risk, dangerous person. It takes time to accept this simply because you used to trust him… you didn’t know who he really was. Now you do. Protect your kids. It’s that simple. It’s that black and white. There is no shade of grey here. Believe me. I know this journey.

You need to get some legal advice and find out what his conditions are and the legal frame around him

sadly if he wants contact this shall be facilitated in a contact centre under supervision

you shall always have to keep to the same point of view that you do not think he should ever have contact and never ever have unsupervised contact

the courts do not work in what is best for the children it’s what’s best for all though why an offenders feelings need consideration is beyond me I am sorry you are going through this op

The only way I'd allow contact is if it was forced by the courts and I would fight it.
Then I would only allow supervised contact in a contact centre. I would not want family members to supervise as there's too much risk of non-compliance.

I think in lots of situations the impact on children is not considered enough. In a situation where the father is a sex offender then an ongoing relationship isn't possible or recommended in any meaningful way so why force it to carry on?

It's such a mess but absolutely no way would I be voluntarily letting it happen.

No . Contact should be for the benefit of the child not the parent. That man can never be a father to those kids so why bother? Better he disappears from their lives while they are small and someone decent steps in as a father figure if they are lucky. Otherwise mum should work on just enjoying her kids and raising them in a nice peaceful way without the complications of them living with his actions.

How can this even be a question? Absolutely no he is a risk to children full stop.

This idea that it is the ‘children’s right to see their father’ no matter what they are like is a men’s rights patriarchal crime.

Is it recent or historical offending? Has he had any kind of therapy or treatment for his pornography addiction? I’m guessing this sort of thing would be taken into account

I would never allow it. Not supervised, not anything. I’d say ok, take me to court. I’d fight tooth and nail and never ever allow it, tie it up in red tape endlessly if necessary. The risk is too high for no reward for the children - a sex offender is good for nothing in this world. Better to have no father at all.

I thibk it would be better for my children not to be knowingly at risk of abuse by having contact with someone on the sex register. I would make sure everyone I knew helped me to keep my children safe. I would nit trust a word they said. I'd run a mile.... and then some, to keep them safe.

I work in this field

it is very complex and I highly recommend getting legal advice

scary facts…. The majority of women stay in relationships, many also send pictures of their children into prisons … for sex offenders.

ensure you have the full facts,

and good luck! Family court is awful. They prioritise the father more. Don’t want to scare you but I see it daily. If only mumsnet could be the decision makers

I think we can all agree that all sex offender should not have contact with any children even if supervised

but unfortunately the courts make the decisions and going against them will only be detrimental towards the children and the op

its a very sad state of affairs

"They are asking me for what I would like but I haven't told them yet"

@Coffeeeclair you clearly cannot safeguard your own children. I am a SA survivor and nothing infuriates me more than mothers like you.

BetsyBobbin it’s painful being a SA survivor a few of us on here will know this

please direct your anger elsewhere the op is going through a very difficult time

those who abuse also manipulate and the whole situation becomes extremely chaotic and as are not always supportive the op needs support not a strangers misplaced anger directed at her

*ss not always supportive

This.

Move, change counties, hopefully they won’t bother to find you.

Don’t consider letting have any contact. It’s the thin edge of the wedge. Safeguard your children.

If you say no, how likely is it that he'd go down the family court route with all the costs and red tape involved?

At the very least you'd buy yourself and dc time. Even when it gets into family court it's a slow process

That actually made me feel sick to read. I would do everything in my power to prevent them from ever seeing him. If a court order stated they were to see him supervised I would ignore it or make up any excuse possible to not attend. I have seen courts ignore contact orders not being adhered to for far far lesser reasons.