Are homebodies or introverts perceived as boring?

[weakrasiontea]

So I am a homebody, I love being at home with my DH or just in my own company reading, watching films, cooking etc. I do also work mostly from home as an artist. Never in my life have I been into pubs and clubs, I don't drink and mostly I don't enjoy the music played at night clubs or often how people act in bars if they have had a few too many, I am also not that into big parties the music is often too loud to be able to talk to anyone properly and I just don't enjoy that.

I do go out to specific concerts, the theatre, art shows and to different restaurants either if I am out anyway or if there is a particular place I want to try, I like to cook a lot and so am interested in trying new places for inspiration but I wouldn't go out just to go out. I like to travel but we are more likely to save up and go somewhere like Japan or Chile or something every few years rather than go abroad every year and so most years we will just stay in the UK or Ireland. We also when the weather permits have local trips or go hillwalking or something. However there are also lots of weekends where we are pretty happy to be home just doing out own thing. If I meet friends its either at our homes or in a café as opposed to a bar.

To me this is all pretty normal I am sure but an attitude I feel like I am coming up against with my DH's family his sisters to be specific that we are boring because we don't go out and do things enough. I totally get that lots of people like to go out a lot, they like to get dressed up and go for afternoon tea with bubbles or to the Ivy or to a club or that they prefer a sun, sea and sand holiday every year. They also go to nice restaurants and the theatre but if they have no plans to go to something specific one week they will just go to anything just to get out. Again this is totally fair enough but doing all that surely doesn't automatically make them more interesting than me because they went to see Wicked again and I stayed in and read a book?

Another woman I know is dating and one of her big complaints is trying to find a guy who wants to go out frequently as she says most just want to stay home, which is in her view dull and makes a person dull. Of course she should find a person she is compatible with but it feels like there is this whole thing that going out equals being fun, interesting and youthful while staying at home equates to being dull and narrow minded and sliding into old age. I mean surely it depends on what people actually do with their time?

Well I'm exactly the same as you op so if it's boring I'm boring too lol. But if we're happy that's the main thing, not like we're hurting anyone.

Look, it doesn’t matter if some people perceive you as boring. You don’t hear extroverts banging on all the time about how unfair and painful it is that people find them loud or annoying. Whoever you are and whatever you’re like you’ve just got to own it and stop fretting about being misunderstood.

I think you will inevitably be seen as boring if you prefer to stay home and read a book than go out and do stuff, but if you are happy who cares?

I don’t think whether someone is introverted or extroverted makes any difference to or whether they are boring.

Things like whether someone has something has worthwhile to say and whether they are interested in you and listen to what you have to say are

The most interesting person I have ever known was an introverted homebody. She was an artist, who basically stayed in all the time to work on her art. She could lose days to it.

She was also an avid reader, especially of poetry, a great cook and amazing at sewing. Her home was fantastically beautiful, so was her garden. She kept up interests in politics, philosophy and religion.

Conversations with her were always interesting and they were always two way- she listened and also had worthwhile things to say. She had also been well travelled in her youth, so it was obvious she just preferred being at home, not that she’d never tried being anywhere else (she’d lived in several other countries).

I’ve known plenty of extroverts whose company I find very boring. Sometimes it’s because they tend to the boorish and sometimes it’s just because their interests are shallow and sometimes it’s because they are only interested in getting attention not giving it.

Not by me. People who never shut up and tell you every inane thought in their head are far more boring.

Sounds absolutely great... I've not left the house all weekend and I've loved it!

Homebodies who can keep themselves entertained under their own steam are far from boring or bored.

I'm a homebody and always have projects on the go, books to read, I love gardening, craft, the nature in my garden.

The most extrovert person I know always has a full diary as she doesn't like her own company and gets bored if she has nothing to do. Is that not more boring?

Agree with @SomersetTart. I can keep myself completely happy and busy just being at home, DP is the same.
I tend to find people who need to be out and entertained a bit hard work tbh.

I just don't see why, if I go out say to a bar vs reading a book all I have to talk or think about is what I or others wore, what I drank, who was there etc. If I read a book say a non fiction book about the Iranian Revolution or the potential impacts technology on the public discourse surely that is pretty interesting?

I suppose it depends on what people find interesting.

@EcstaticMarmalade your friend sounds fantastic, not boring at all

I'm sure some do.
I don't give a fuck and my advice to you is not to give one either.

You need to learn the subtle art of not giving a fuck 😁 and take your one life and live it how you want. No apologies for being who you are!

My mum has to fill every minute and it's because she is insecure and doesn't like herself. She will even spend time with people she doesn't like to avoid herself, so to speak.

If we talk, she will say "ugh. Have you done NOTHING AGAIN this week?!"in disgust. I don't tell her that I've read my way across several continents in that time, taught myself all.sorts of information, baked, spoken to far flung close friends and had a laugh sharing pictures, made some art, sorted my plants out, spent hours walking the dog. Chatted to the kids without being a burnt out husk. Basically I've spent my time pleasurably doing what I want to do.

Nowadays I just don't tell her, keep it short, and enjoy my life more at my pace. (Which incidentally does now also involve an occasional long haul holiday or something fun out of the house; but not for the sake of having to be doing something, but because it's planned and I love the activity).

I remember my parents describing someone as "a wild night means mixing a spoonful of real coffee in with the instant decaf."
And other than I don't like coffee I think I like that plan for a wild night.

OP people have different interests, and so find different things 'boring'. Why do you care what others think?
You SILs are rude if they call you boring to your face. But woman at work is just talking about her dating preferences. No need to feel slighted.

There are often articles in the Evening Standard that suggest that if you aren't living in London (or by extension another big city) and god forbid live in the countryside you must be a boring, narrowminded cretin who will be like an 80 year old by the time you are 50, while metropolitan sorts who are always out will remain forever young, open and broad minded. Its the same kind of attitude.

I like being home too-although I also like going out. My only issue-not with you, but with some Mumsnetters- is the sense of moral superiority that some self defined introverts project....

It's a London newspaper OP. Of course they're going to extol the virtues of London!
Businesses benefit more - nay, need people going out and spending £££ to survive. Hospitality, entertainment etc. Also it's different conversation topics, 'interesting things' happen while you're out. Reading at home gives you more 'theoretical knowledge'.

No media publication is going to tell everyone how great it is to stay home given how Covid almost caused economic collapse. This is separate from how interesting specific individuals are.

You do you. Simples.

like @CurlewKate I like both, so I'm in neither camp. Some weeks I just want to curl up with a book, others I'm out and about. 'Going out' isn't always pubs clubs and noisy bars libraries, museums and gardens exist too...

What’s boring is fixating on other people’s opinions of you and/or your lifestyle. People like different things. It doesn’t make anyone any better than anyone else. It’s just not worth ruminating over.

There are equally a million articles and TV shows extolling the virtues of country life, small town life, mindfulness, slow living, home cooking, growing your own veg, making your own bread and living simply on a boat.

I love being on my own, being around people too long makes me exhausted and I need time alone to recharge.
I enjoy nature, long walks and reading alone.
I absolutely cannot stand small talk which makes me come across as awkward but really I just don't have the energy to think of meaningless pleasantry's, if I'm going to have a conversation it's usually a deep conversation and not the sort you have at the school gate.
I must admit I did go through a phase of drinking in my early 20s which gave me some temporary fake extroversion to get me to the pub/club but I don't enjoy drinking now and couldn't enjoy it sober.
I'm not really even one for television, I'd watch a documentary that interests me but I can't sit through drama.

Not at all boring. I am definitely a homebody. I love the theatre and going out to restaurants but I'm not a big pub goer these days. I used to be when I was younger and loved the clubs, but the thought of going to a club these days fills me with horror. I like to read, potter around the garden, take the dog for long walks and wander around the garden centre. I don't care if that makes me boring.

If I read a book say a non fiction book about the Iranian Revolution or the potential impacts technology on the public discourse surely that is pretty interesting?

I'm sure a charismatic person with excellent conversational skills could make a chat about these subjects very enjoyable, but for most of us it is safer to just exchange personal information and save the very specific stuff for people who are definitely interested in that subject

I like going out at lunchtime/earlier than evening, so I'm home, warm and cosy for 8pm latest. There is nowhere I'd rather be than in my own home, with my beloved dogs. I actually get the thrill that others probably get going on holiday, when I'm heading home. I do like socialising , but much less so than when I was younger, when I was a bit of a party animal, always afraid I was missing out. Now I live in FOBI 😁

I woukd not worry anyone's perception of me if I was happy. No need to give it a second thought

I’m a homebody and I’ve definitely been accused of being boring.

I think it’s the opposite. If a person can’t keep themselves entertained at home alone, then they seem pretty boring to me.