What should an 8 and 13 year old wear to funeral

[seriouslygooey]

We've had a sudden death in the family. My partners uncle. I've two kids that do not own anything smart and I haven't had the chance to get them anything. What's acceptable for children at funerals

My nephews 1 2 and 13 y years old both wore dark casual trousers and black hoodies very recently. They looked smart enough for boys their age who usually look more like they have dragged through a hedge backwards. Overall it was fully appreciated they had made an effort and were present and week behaved. They were tidy in their casual clothing. It was totally pointless buying new things that wouldn't be used again and people understand this. If day wear ye most tidy thing they have. It's about the effort and being there.

Do they need to go? Is this someone they knew? Otherwise school trousers and shirt/jumper ?

School trousers or smartish black jeans and a plain long-sleeved top (ideally with a few buttons at the neck if you have one) or shirt. And either a plain jumper or a school coat if possible, rather than a hoodie.

That's not at all weird

I think it sounds respectful and lovely

I think that most people (hopefully) would have a very high tolerance for what kids wear as long as they are clean and tidy.

But in these situations I have put mine in their school uniform as it consisted of dark grey trousers and a dark coloured blazer. I'm in South England FWIW.

My DS wore his school uniform to DM funeral .Handy as it was black! Really think this is fine .TBH most funerals now state bright colours ,so maybe not as it used to be

Black jeans with a school shirt would be fine

We had a funeral a few summers ago. I have three sins and they wore navy shorts and tops and dark shoes. They looked fine, and I managed to put together every outfit from existing clothes that we had.

Death is a part of life. When we shield children from events like this we only make it harder for them to process death.
I appreciate children at funerals, they reassure the attendees that the dead person's legacy extends forwards.
As long as the DC are respectfully attired, no one will care about details.

I'm amazed at all the posts suggesting clothes need to be clean

Surely people don't even think about going to a funeral in dirty clothes.

Mine were 8 and 10 when they attended my mother’s funeral. It was February and they wore their navy blue school coats as the church was cold.

My two have always worn just normal clothes - jeans, t-shirts, trainers..... I've never been to a funeral where younger children (or anyone really) have been full on suited up and in black except for the much older attendees, just doesn't tend to happen now, its pretty outdated

🙄 The endless pedantry and wilful misunderstanding on Mumsnet is getting a bit tedious.

Posters are saying as long* as * clothes are neat and clean it doesn’t matter if they are not massively formal. The two are connected. That’s very different to just saying in isolation, “don’t wear dirty clothes”.

Mine went in school uniform at that age

Most of a school uniform is just trousers, shirt etc - ie normal items of clothing, not creasted.

For a recent family funeral my DS did wear his navy school trousers as they were the only smart pair he had. Also wore his plain school shirt. Bought him a different jumper for the occasion. No tie.
Otherwise it would have been adidas joggers and hoody which I felt too casual.

He is a (younger) teen though. Less important for younger children I think. I'm also in Ireland.

School trousers, shoes and shirt...maybe see if charity shop has appropriate tie but that isn't really necessary tbh. Ties can be easily hand washed and dried.

I have to disagree with people saying that jeans and hoody is okay for a funeral. I think it would be very disrespectful and anyone going to a funeral should be smartly dressed out of respect. Black trousers, white shirt and tie is easy to get and cheap enough to buy or borrow.

I'm in Scotland though so maybe the convention is different here.

Also I question whether it's necessary for children to attend the funeral of a step-great-uncle, unless they were very close to the deceased. I don't object to children at funerals but this relationship does seem very far removed.

My children went to my uncles funeral in their school uniform. They looked smart and it was fine.

My son who was 11 at the time wore a black suit from Next and a school shirt. It was quite cheap. However he could have worn school uniform easily. A younger child could get away with anything other than football strip or fancy dress.

Hmm, I don't like this. When the time comes for me to have to arrange the funeral of a loved one, i would hate to think that someone was using my loved one's death as a learning experience for their dc.

If they really must go then they must show respect. and they don't wear a school uniform then a white school shirt and pair of school trousers from Tesco / Matalan / Primary is cheap and appropriate.

It's not using it as a learning experience for the sake of it. It's just a normal life event that there's no reason to shield them from and being there becomes a learning experience, same as anything else done the first time.

Yes, agree with @DappledThings.
It's not as if children are brought to funerals 'to practice'.
It's just that it's seen as part of normal life and nothing to be shielded from. My DS (13) recently attended a friend's grandparent's wake (where the body is laid out prior to the funeral). He was there (along with his parents) to support his friend.
It is easier to become acustomed to the rituals surrounding death if you are not experiencing them for the first time while grief sticken, but that is not why he was there.

Just wear whatever is smartest, what they would wear to any other occasion.

I think wearing school uniform is a bit weird tbh, most kids have some clothes that are for 'best'...

My teenage grandson and his friends don't possess anything smart apart from school uniform and seem to live in joggers. How times have changed.