What should an 8 and 13 year old wear to funeral

[seriouslygooey]

We've had a sudden death in the family. My partners uncle. I've two kids that do not own anything smart and I haven't had the chance to get them anything. What's acceptable for children at funerals

There is a benefit to attending one's first funeral of someone who is NOT a first degree relative. It gives the children some experience of funerals, ready for a time when some one very close to them dies.
My parents had this attitude and the experience worked well in that we were able to speak with confidence at our grandparent's funerals.

I respectfully disagree with this ^^ advice.

Death is part of life, it comes to us all, and each family and circumstance are different. I’m Irish Catholic and funerals are very much family affairs for us.

The presence of dc at funerals is important imho for the children themselves to say goodbye (if they are old enough, parents use common sense to protect them emotionally and they can participate in an age appropriate way). And also to educate them about death so it doesn’t become something to be feared.

DC presence is also appreciated by the rest of the congregation as it reminds them of the future and they provide a different focus for everyone.

Op - in answer to your question - clean school uniform fine with polished shoes. Failing that, just try and look like they have made an effort to present themselves respectfully eg ordinary clothes but choose navy maybe that is clean and pressed and hair cut and brushed or plaited or to look neat. And brief them as to how to behave and what to expect in advance x

let them wear whatever they are comfortable in. I honestly wouldn’t care if a child turned up in joggers and a hoody.

Could you pick up a plain shirt or even polo top from a supermarket to be worn with dark jeans/school trousers and school shoes?

DC and his friends went to the funeral of their classmate’s brother to support their classmate but also because they knew his brother. It was cancer and he was 15. It was also 2021, so I could not attend. DC was 14, wore school shirt, black tie, school trs and a black blazer from Asda. We were all proud of them.

It definitely builds respect and resilience to go to funerals. When my grandfather died, I was 13 and the children stayed behind at the house with an older cousin. That was the wrong experience. Much better to go.

I utterly disagree. Death is part of life and learning about it is good for a child.

I went to my first funeral when I just turned 9. My grandma. I had two more funerals for my other grandparents when I was 11.

My dad died when my youngest niece was 14. I know that seeing her and her sisters was a great comfort to my mum.

I was 16 when a neighbour's young son died from an accident, the funeral was horrific but I was glad that I knew the rituals and behaviour expected from me. I babysat this boy and there wasn't a chance I wouldn't go.

I agree a sports top is a bit much unless requested by the family but I don't think any child/teen needs to be in a suit and tie.

Surely if its an option leave them with your side of the family. At 13 and 10 they kight understand you telling them but emotionally they are a long way off so leave them at home/school

My boys went to a funeral recently, they were aged 8 and 12 at the time. They wore black suits, white shirt, black tie. Their cousins wore the same, the youngest did not have a suit jacket but did have a waistcoat.

I think it is respectful to be smart for a funeral. Unless the family has specified otherwise, sportswear is inappropriate. If you can't get them suits then black school trousers, shirt and tie would be fine.

I hated wearing my uniform to funerals. For funerals now I buy a new dress and donate it afterwards.

It really depends on what the "chief" mourner/s want or whether the deceased left wishes.

I attended a funeral in a black fleece and black trainers last month. My choice as I organised it and the deceased would not have minded in the slightest. My db wore some trainers. Again, nobody minded and the deceased would definitely not have minded. I am tired of being uncomfortable and/or too cold/hot for no reason at all. My shoes and jacket were uncomfortable at my godmother's funeral.

Disagree entirely. Children have always gone to funerals in my experience and unless they are wearing football tops or something with a slogan they'll look fine.

School uniform is a bit of an odd suggestion I think unless they are going back to school after.

I wouldn’t bring them, but if I did, I’d buy them new appropriate clothes. I wouldn’t have them in jeans and a hoodie.

Adults are much more comfortable about death when they are raised to know it’s part of life. Children are not afraid of it, or depressed by it. We make them that way by shielding them from it. Your views are part of that problem I’m afraid.

I don't think I would take children to a funeral unless they were close to the deceased AND had expressed a wish to go.

If I did, then I would choose the darkest and smartest clothes they have, yes to school uniform, yes to dark jeans/chinos, no to hoodies and sweatshirts.

They just need to wear something clean. I'm Irish, live in Ireland and attend a lot of funerals. We would never expect to see a child in a school uniform or shirt and tie. Jeans and a sweatshirt or hoody is fine. Don't overthink it.

Mine wore their school shirt and trousers and school v neck jumper with a dark coat

This is what I was coming on to say.

Why are they even going? I went to a funeral when I was 7 and it’s haunted me ever since. I find it extremely difficult to attend funerals now as an adult. I’ve only managed to go to one.

At the very least, don’t send the 8 year old.

That’s a very generalised view. Going to a funeral as a child seriously affected me to the extent I still get really upset about it.

Mine were 10 and 13 when my dad died. Dd wore a nice dress and DS I got him a suit as he was a pallbearer. Smart trousers / chino type trousers would be fine too

Mine wore school trousers and white shirt from their uniform then a navy jumper they already had

Friends 8yrs old daughter recently attended her Nana’s funeral. She wanted to go, I remember seeing her little face looking out of hearse window and it was sad. But I think if she wanted to go that’s the right decision. Death is a part of life.

That will be due to circumstances unique to your situation. I’m so sorry that has been your experience, but I’m afraid it’s you who are generalising. You are taking your own experience and jumping to the conclusion entirely based on it, that attending funerals is bad for children.

Was going to say this. A child in a school uniform at a funeral would look really strange here. As would a child in a suit or shirt and tie unless it was immediate family.

School trousers and shirt. In our family children go to funerals as they are part of life.

Go and buy a shirt. He can't wear a hoodie to a funeral unless it's a "celebration" where they don't want black they want colour